Kitchen fail

Also, forgot to mention, attempted making a cheesey veg bake.  From a packet I will add.  The picture on the front of the packet looked all nice and creamy and cheesey and gooey and altogether just terrific so I was really looking forward to it.  Followed the instructions, and didn't worry about taking photos of my soup.  Yes, soup.  It's about the only way I can describe it.  It still tasted pretty good (though I think the old hag might be disagreeing) but it was in no way a cheesey vegetable bake.  Yay for stuffing up packet mix food!  :D

Introducing the new pico prep!

Pico prep? So yesterday. And so disgusting! Seriously, would rather drink vomit. Today's solution? My mother's curry!

Damn I love that stuff. And so tonight when she said 'We're having curry tonight, would you like some?', of course I couldn't really refuse. Full of delicious, spicy goodness, and full of vegies too- cabbage, carrot, onion, garlic.... Chicken added to it for the meat, and then cream for creamy goodness. Serve hot over rice. I think this is about the only meal that outdoes mashed potato for me. Though I am sad to say it is the much more consumable version of the not-so-beloved pico prep. Straight through and liquid. Though, seeing as the god Imodium has come to the rescue, I think I'll brave leftovers for lunch tomorrow.

Think I'm ready for a colonoscopy now......

Slightly late weekly post.

So on Sunday (ignore that it's now Friday) I had my weight down to 86.4 kilos. Happy dance occured, though it was less than a kilo, so not quite as happy as previous weeks. Am considering with the weight loss buying some shorts or skirts. Yes, shock horror, I'm considering stuff that isn't ankle length and denim. Shoot me now. Summer is just around the corner and it's starting to get just a little bit warm.

Also dropped down to 1mg of Pred. 1mg!!! Just over a week and I'm off the stuff for good. *dances*

Have been boldly venturing out into the world of food again, with some successes and some failures (oh the pain!). Some foods (like onion) can be eaten in moderation, some foods (like bread) are more of an issue.

Mr Anonymous didn't work out. Sad at the time, not so sad now. *shrug* As they say, as one door closes, another one opens. Don't know who they are in this instance. Actually in any instance....

In news that is sad (at least to me), one of my catfish died yesterday. I got all three at the same time, they were the same size, and all equally cute, but I get the feeling this poor little one didn't get much food. The other two got a little bit territorial and unfortunately the only way to get any food to them without the garbage disposal units (aka goldfish) getting it was to dump it in the others' logs. Poor little thing.

Still hoping to get to Sydney for the Gluten Free Expo (http://www.glutenfreefoodshow.com.au/index.html - shameless advertising for something good), though I'll have to see how things are going closer to the date.

Hope eveyone is healthy and alive.

Another tired post

Damn it's hard being selfish. I gave my two weeks notice about a few hours ago, and it's one of the hardest conscious decisions I've had to make in recent memory. But the decision needed making so it got made.

Went and saw the GI on Monday arvo. Also dropped down to 7.5mg of Pred on Monday morning, so haven't got far to go. Unfortunately my inflammatory markers are heading back up, and my iron's a bit low, so yeah. *sad face* I did mention that I really don't want to go back on the Pred as it does special things to me that I don't like, and the doctor agreed, so I suppose that's something. Also got a script for Imodium ($23 for 100 tablets as opposed to $15 for 12? I think yes!) with five repeats, and a referral for a dietitian, so hopefully I can start getting some help with shedding the Pred pounds.

Am heading to the shops this afternoon after work, hopefully with mum in tow, to have another look at a cross trainer, with the hopes of buying it. Get the fun of putting it together like a giant mechano set and then have the fun of playing with it. Yay! :)

Also, was bit naughty today and had one of the new McDonalds Grand Angus burgers, and damn it was good. Really nice sour dough, and the salad was yummy, but the meat was a little dry. I did however limit myself to just the burger, so was good in that regard.

Very tired right now. Had the whole insomnia gig again last night (bang on two o'clock too), and this morning's coffee's long worn off. Trying some Zero to get the caffeine into the veins again. Hopefully it'll work.

Eh.

Coffee goes so much better with milk in it.

My stomach goes so much better when I eat foods that I know are safe. Though, I am starting to think about trying the whole gluten free gig that I hear of so many Crohnies doing. Can't kill me, and might help settle things.

Went to the pet shop yesterday with the intention of buying a catfish for the fish tank. I should not be let loose in a pet shop that has baby fish. The "Awww! But they're so cute!" thing took over, and I ended up with three baby bristlenose catfish. No more fish now. Tank is too full. But they're babies, and they're cute! *squeals go here*

Erm.... Work still exists? Haven't pulled the pin. Really, I don't want to, but I will if I have to. Will sit for now I think. Maybe. So I'm indecisive. Shoot me. :P

Disney and pain

Hmmm. So. The weekend. It existed. There we go, that's a start. :)

Saturday came and it was sunny! It's been raining a fair bit recently, or at least threatening to, so I took the opportunity to do what the rhumy suggested and go for a walk. I packed me and the camera into the car and went to a nearby botanic gardens and went trigger happy. It was nice to get out and relax for a few hours, but things started aching a bit.

Got home and got sorted out again and then off I went to go and see the magic that is Disney On Ice - Princess Wishes. Me? Adult? I think not! Was going with a friend, so went to pick her up from work and had a coffee while I waited. Double shot latte. Do you know how long it takes for a double shot latte to start wearing off? At least four or five hours. Be afraid.

Disney was amazing! The skaters were fantastic, the music was obviously Disney awesomeness, the costumes were gorgeous to the point that I wanted to run down there and steal them (particularly the Flounder and Lumiere ones)... My inner child has never loved me so much! Bought a program as a souvenir (it came with a pretend rose), and a stuffed toy of Sebastian (I may love him a little too much, and mostly just because of that accent).

Had dinner afterwards in the form of some very yummy fried rice. This was after my attempt at reverse parking. Not such a good idea when coming down off a coffee high. I think I gave up after about the tenth attempt when I just sat there giggling. Easier to find a different park.

Also felt rather pretty on Saturday night. I put effort in. I wore my pretty top that cost me $70 odd, and I let my hair curl, and I wore mascara. And when I got home and caught myself in the mirror, I actually felt pretty. I should try this more often. I should also have taken a photo so I'd remember it.

Speaking of photos, of nearly 400 taken at Disney, only about 3 came out clear. They were all moving too fast!

Saturday night was met with agony and insomnia. Pain in my back, hips, knees and ankles that woke me up and then the delightful insomnia that kept me awake from 2 till 4:30. My rhumy? He says to me last time, "Go for walks, get good sleep, they'll ease the pain.". Yep. 'Kay. How about some pain killers for the agony those walks give me? How about some sleeping tablets to get rid of the insomnia? Oh, you don't want me turning into a druggie? Well you and the GI don't seem to have much of an issue pumping me to the eyeballs with steroids! Pain relief please now!

Dragged out of bed about 10:30 on Sunday morning, having been awake for ages trying to get back to sleep. In utter agony most of the day. Took me over an hour to make my bed. Seriously need something done and I don't see the rhumy again until the 14th of August. Grumpiness will ensue.

Today, still stiff and sore, though not quite to the extent of yesterday. Just taking things as easy as possible. Also plotting for next weekend. Perhaps skipping the walk because I plan on being on my feet a fair bit cooking. Am thinking lasagna and garlic bread. Well, really I'm thinking garlic bread, and whatever main I happen to think will go best with it at the time. :D I love garlic bread.

This is me, giving Crohn's and arthritis the finger.

So I'm fed up of not being able to do things because I'm too sore, from one or the other of Crohn's or arthritis. Absolutely fed up. So I'm giving them both the finger and saying stuff you to them both. To start my protest against them both (possibly moreso the arthritis right now), this weekend I have: cooked. Twice. Been shopping. Multiple times. Exercised! 45 minutes on the Wii, mostly boxing. I won't move tomorrow, but it'll be worth it. I have also eaten copious amounts of things that are bad for me (both weight wise and making-me-poop wise, see bolognese and burritos).

Shopping, I finally caved, admitted I'm fat (like the giant purple stretch marks weren't a give away...), and went into the shop I've not had to go into before. The plus size shop. Albeit the plus size shop with pretty things. Just one issue I have with the place (apart from not wanting to be plus size), is that it seems plus size stores assume that because you are large, you have extra money. Ie, a shirt that you could buy in a size 16 in a regular store may cost say $15 to $20. Maybe $25 at a push. Take same shirt (even same size because that's what size the clothes start at there) and put it in the plus size store, and bam! $50 thankyou. I'm not kidding! Cheapest thing I got was $50. I spent nearly $200 and walked away with a pair of jeans, a shirt, and a kaftan. Normally I would pay no more than $60 for the lot. But hey. I bit the bullet, I've admitted I'm fat, I found some clothes that I can wear at the moment while my pudge is doing the whole white rolly fat thing, and in the meantime I can work my backside off and try to get to where I want to be (a whole few sacks of potatoes lighter).

As mentioned, have also cooked this weekend. Carrot cake came out lovely. Nice and moist, tasting of cinnamon, and yeah. Quite please with first effort at one of my fave cakes. Also cooked dinner last night, a Jamie Oliver recipe titled "The best chicken and sweet leak pie with flakey pastry". Didn't turn it into a pie, left it rather as a stew (filling without the pie) as the recipe said you could, and served it with potato, pumpkin and peas, and did some puff pastry squares in the oven to go on top. Went down well, with even my brother (world title of fussy eater could be held by him) saying he liked it and I can make it again. Just as well 'cause the amount I made (one quantity, supposed to feed four) made enough for two meals for the four of us. Oops. But it was nice.

For anyone interested, the recipe is in his Jamie's Dinners book. Bloody fantastic book, well worth the buy.

Have also started knitting a scarf, much to my fingers' disgust. But I figure, they already bloody hurt (as do my hips, knees, back, etc, etc), so why the hell not? In theory, can't make them worse...

Found season three of Weeds on dvd (finally!) the other day as well, so bought it and have been getting my fix. Note: I do not promote the use of any drugs other than those prescribed by a doctor, Western or traditional. Except for, of course, my beloved Bundy rum. :) And even then, drink only in moderation people!!! Too much is bad.

Weighty issues....

So I went to work on Friday. And I actually worked a bit extra too. Just some work for a customer that needs doing rather quickly so yeah. Extra time got done. Doesn't worry me, I offered to do it, and it'll make up maybe a little bit of the time I've had off with my hands. Also decided on Friday night that if I was well on Saturday I'd go for a drive (Dad wasn't feeling up to going to Sydney for the symposium).

Saturday I was woken up by a shite of a cramp in my right leg. Bitch! I need that leg for driving! Let it calm down, massaged it a bit, then crawled out of bed to see if I could walk. Walking was doable, so I packed me, the camera, the Imodium, and the two rolls of loo paper into the car and off I went. Stopped for breakfast and was about to go again when I got a phone call from a really good friend. Just to chat, but it was fantastic to hear from him. He has a bad habit of calling once I've already gone to bed, and my phone's usually on silent anyway. Set off again and started enjoying the day even more. That lasted maybe another hour until the cold symptoms kicked in (again!). They just won't go away. Kept going, and took one of my usual drives through the Hunter Valley.

I love that place. I was raised there. It's home. And there's usually a very strong pull at the heart strings to go there and stay there. It was missing yesterday. Something wasn't right. It was still a very pretty drive through the country (what I remember of it, I slipped into auto pilot because of the cold), but it didn't tug the heart strings, and that makes me a little sad. For years, despite not living there anymore, it's been the place I go to to think and to calm down when I'm stressed or angry or upset. And I always feel free and safe and welcome there. But I just wasn't getting that yesterday. It was just another place, with no meaning. I'm not so much sad that the feeling is gone, it's just I've always viewed myself as belonging there because of that feeling. With the feeling gone, I guess I don't really belong there anymore, which is fine, but what bugs me is where do I belong then? If I'm not still the country kid at heart, then who am I? I know I'm a little lost right now, but that's about it. Maybe I need to start creating the person I want to be. I dunno. Random thoughts that probably don't make sense. Eh.

I've thought recently that my stretch marks have been a little bit painful. Stinging, burning, that kinda thing. Last night I discovered that yes indeed they have been painful, and there's a reason. They're actually splitting open. Well, at least one has. Just a small split, but enough to bleed. I've fattened up at a rate where I am actually splitting my skin. Embarassing much? So the crash exercise/eating regime has begun (again. For the gazillionth time.) today. As a result, I got to weight myself on the Wii. When I first bought that, I entered that I wanted to lose 10 kilos. Instead I have managed to gain more than that. I'm now up to 91.5 kilos. A kilo a week gained. And it takes me a month to lose a kilo. I'm a year behind where I wanted to be. Actually, more than that, but hey. Hopefully if I hit things hard I can speed that up a bit. And coming off the Pred is now a big issue. I can't stay on a med that is essentially causing me to split myself at the seams. Glad in a way for that arthritis now.....

Today, woken up by fecking birds. They're the nuisance Minahs, and they insist on tapdancing on the tin roof under my window and squawking as loud as possible. Then they repeat the process on my window sill. Bastards. I needed sleep! Dragged out of bed, wandered around some shops, exercised on the Wii, wandered around some more shops and came home again in pain. The muscle in my leg that cramped yesterday is being a bitch and is all tight and sore. As a result it's making me walk funny, and thus my knees and hips have given out, and my back's following suit. And I can't really do much more in the intended line of exercise now either. :(

Am also tired as all buggery. Despite it only being 2:30 in the arvo, it feels like I should have been asleep for the past few hours. It really feels so much later. *sigh* And I have to drag out of bed for work in the morning. Bah. I just need a few days where I can sleep for as long as I need to, not how long is dictated by the alarm, or my screwed up body, or the damned birds! Never mind. Coffee is a god. :)

And now off to write pretty brightly coloured motivational signs telling me "Don't eat bad foods!" and "Don't give up now!". ........Yes, I seriously am going to do that. Splitting your skin is scary stuff people! It calls for drastic measures! :D

Logic occurs occasionally!

I haven't really said much of value lately, have I? Haven't really been feeling that fantastic either though, today's probably my first day of very vaguely normal headspace in a week or two.

Crohn's wise, I'm utterly over it. Fed up to the eyeballs and just want it to go the hell away. Still not quite comprehending the "This is the problem, there's no cure" thing, though now when those thoughts roll through my mind it genuinely feels as though I've smacked myself up against a brick wall, as opposed to the previous drowning in the middle of the ocean with nothing to grab on to. Still having shockers of days, just falling apart and struggling a lot in trying to pull myself back together.

Pain wise, I'm getting headaches every day which require pain meds. Also the apparently arthritic pain keeps rocking up, mostly in my finger, wrists, knee and hip. Am also getting abdominal pain every day, it's just a lottery as to whether it'll be there all day or whether it'll wait off until the evening, and also as to which specific point it'll be (I've worked out there's five places, and a combination of any or all of the above). Then there's the general tummy ache that's all over (much rarer than the abdo pain), and then there's the "I've been shitting liquid all day" tummy and back pain (so much fun, but at least rarer than the general tummy pain).

Side effects: Extremely tired. And I mean extremely. Suffer from chronic fatigue as a result of glandular fever/mono a few years back. Managed to get on top of that with Bowen therapy (seriously, a godsend, try it!), but now the fatigue is just as bad, if not worse (thanks Imuran!). Not to mention nausea and dizziness.

Also still getting funny vision/trouble focusing, the odd chest pain (pick a side), vagueness, the shakes, and random cramping sensations. Still phoning the doctor weekly to find out if the Imuran is killing my liver (it's not, and while I think of it I did get to yay about not having diabetes [go me!]), still getting weekly blood tests. Go to see doctor next Monday again. Bah humbug. Just more time, and more money that I've got to somehow find.

Food: Keeping up the dairy intake, particularly milk, seeing as it seems to be going okay with me (possibly giving me gas and a rumbly tummy, but not shooting straight through which is fantastic). I like my bones not breaking thanks! Quiche is going well, so one of those gets had of a morning as a rule. Oats are also awesome (when I'm not randomly dropping the bowl). Red Rooster sadly still remains the demon in disguise.

In completely different news. My fish are being fish (shock horror!). And are currently expecting me to feed them (I think!). I love my little black one! It's cute, and has boggly eyes. *cuteness goes here* There's still no kitten in my bottom drawer, and sadly the two at the pet shop were sold on the weekend so there goes getting one of them and putting it in there. :P

I am in possession of my Firefly dvds again, so I'm back to getting my kicks from that. Also going through many of the books that I've started reading then stopped and am getting time to read them. My evenings exist of getting home, having a drink, having dinner, going to bed and reading for half hour or so, clonking out stone cold/thrashing and crashing for hours until I fall into a fitful sleep (the meds like to vary it for me :S). I'm such a boring person.

That's the spirit!

"Do not go gentle into that good night" - Dylan Thomas

Used to live by that. Recent events have seen me forget it. Then I remembered it again. This isn't me. This disease, the meds, the symptoms, the side effects. They aren't me. They are not even the new me. I like the old me. I didn't give it permission to run away and leave me alone to deal with this. I didn't give this disease permission to take over my body. So it can feck the hell off. Right now. It can go away and let me be me.

I will exercise. I will lose weight. I will be fit.
I will enjoy going shopping.
I will enjoy eating food worry-free.
I will be pain-free.
I will be independent.
I will be happy.
I will be strong.
I will be me.


Meanwhile. Have the shakes, have done pretty much continually for the last 24 hours. Couldn't serve up the vegies last night because they kept falling off the serving spoon I was shaking enough. Still there when I woke up this morning.

Also, rather bad headaches. Can't tell if they're from the meds, from the cold I've got, or if they're the headaches I get for a few days/weeks before I get cluster headaches (yep, I get the joy of them among other things). Muddling through with pain killers, although yesterday thought I'd see how it went (if it would go away after awhile on it's own or not). Bad choice, doped myself up when I got home from work and tried to deal.

Rather a bit more tired than usual, but I'm awake (ish) and alive, so shouldn't complain too much. And besides, my job doesn't require me to be awake as such in order to do it properly, just pretend good enough and get the work done properly and it's all fine.

Have a friend's 21st to go to this weekend, we're booked in at an Indian restaurant. I love spicy things, and I've heard it's nice. Here's to hoping things sit well. Then the weekend after I've got another friend's birthday and we're headed for a Thai restaurant. Again, love the stuff, just hoping it goes well. Birthdays and stomach wise. :)

Also aiming to take the folks to a pub for dinner this weekend. Really nice food for (in my opinion) very good prices, particularly for the size of the meal. Hoping I'm awake enough/don't have a headache. Also hoping the meal sits well there too.

Grapes are definitely a no go. Peanuts, possibly sit alright. Quiche is a God. Seriously.

Have began considering the rental market. Was/am a very proud creature, and previously have not wanted to rent as I see no point in paying off someone else's property when I own none. My pride just wouldn't let me do it. It would sit there going "No! You will save money and get your own place!" and I'd just agree with it. After all, I do want my own place. But with the old hag, the pride hasn't so much disappeared, it's just been battered and bruised into submission. This is a good thing! It means while it's being quiet and sulking in a corner, the rest of me can pounce and take control and get out of my folks' hair. And piece together my sanity again! :D Also figure that with the extra stuff I'd be doing (ie, cooking, cleaning, etc) I wouldn't have time to let things play on my mind and send me into a tail spin. So basically, independence, freedom, and maintaining my sanity/mental health all in one. Yay! Now, to find that rental property.....

Mum bought me a mug yesterday. One of the knitting ones that I like. I got one in the series a while ago, but they're clearing them now, and mum was in the shop and bought one for me. It's now sitting next to the work computer with the very cold remnants of this morning's chai tea in it.

I bought mum and dad a present yesterday too, a bottle of Red TR2. Rather nice wine that they both like. To say thanks for everything, and sorry for the shite (pardon the pun).

And I've noticed recently I tend to be using this as a blog for almost everything as opposed to just the Crohn's. *shrugs* Eh. Guess you can't separate it from everything afterall.

No meows.

Shoo pain, don't bother me.

So yesterday. Had forgotten to bring lunch to work, so buggered off to Hungry Jacks (Burger King) and found myself a whopper meal. Brought it back to work and ate. A bit of discomfort as I ate, but I enjoyed having a change. Surprisingly, the greasy crap that went in my mouth yesterday lunch time has yet to have any effect on me other than that initial discomfort while eating it. Interesting. I'd have thought that out of rice or a greasy burger and fries that the latter would go through me like rocket fuel and the other would just turn to glue. Clearly not the case.

Yesterday, rather strange (mild to moderate) pain/discomfort while enema bound, thus it only lasted about half an hour. Wasn't sure what it was, just knew it wasn't going to stay there while I was in pain.

Last night had pumpkin soup for dinner. Delicious. However, the discomfort that had been there at lunch turned into quite severe agony during dinner and chose to stick around for a good ten to fifteen minutes afterwards. Rather like a very severe dose of wind that you can't get rid off (and when you do it's seriously powered up enough to scoot you forward a few feet) except it was more up near my rib cage as opposed to in my belly where wind would be. Cried a bit, dealt with it. Later tried a piece of my brother's birthday cake and the same thing happened. I'm really hoping that the meds aren't doing bad things in there. My body's already screwed up enough as it is without meds doing more damage. My reaction to more pain was to cry a bit, to which my father's response was to "Just shoosh". I'll give him 'just shoosh' next time he's in pain. Git. Yeah, I'm still quite a bit cranky at him. When the world is going to shite, the last thing you need is a not caring attitude from those around you who are meant to form your support network, however it is nice to know a tv show is more important to him than the fact his daughter is curled up and crying in agony.

Would have slept rather well last night had it not been for my brother waking me up twice, the second time I was nearly asleep again and he started singing out so that brought on three hours of insomnia. Not quite so happy about this, as dad's cold is starting to kick in. So. I'm currently tired, sore, sick and generally not so happy. Did however manage to avoid massive gas explosions both throughout the night and this morning.

Really, very over everything at the moment. I've still got 3 of my 4 main symptoms, plus all the delightful side effects of the meds. I'm spending a small fortune on them, and they're just making me worse. Not far of packing it in right now.

Still no kitten in my draw.

Oh look, another blog update.

Urgh. Lack of sleep on Saturday night has finally caught up with me. Posting this, reading, then sleeping.

Slept better last night, only up a few times. Awake a couple more times but able to go back to sleep rather quickly with no issues. Though, did wake up rather upset at one point. Had a dream that my dog (who I had put down 18 months ago and still miss so much) was still alive, but mum was making me put her to sleep (actually give her the needle myself rather than take her to the vet's), so I did and I was crying and I must have started actually crying, not just in my dream, 'cause I woke up and was crying and yeah. Got myself back to sleep eventually after that.

This morning, doped myself up with imodium (seriously, I can see that becoming a deity) and braved the world. Went to the shops with the aim of buying my brother something else for his birthday, a birthday present for a friend's birthday in early May, and a present for myself. All of the above were achieved, along with breakfast. See, the present theory went along these lines. I'm feeling like shite lately with all this garbage going on in my guts, and I thought I really did deserve something for putting up with it (ignore the fact that I'm saving every spare penny for a house). So I thought to myself, if I were someone else giving a present to me as I am right now, what would I get myself? Book? CD? DVD? Kimmi doll. (www.kimmidoll.com or www.kimmidoll.com.au) Despite not owning any, I am absolutely hooked on the idea of them. Trouble was, which one? In the end, the me that was a different person bought the me that is me Choya (Belief). Her spirit is released by believing in yourself and using your gifts to become all you can be. The me who was buying the gift thought when the me who was receiving the gift felt low, or incapacitated by the yucky stuff going on, she could be reminded of who she really is, the person without the disease, and all she is capable of doing and being, and know that everything is going to be okay.

Breakfast was Subway. I can safely say I love a Subway breakfast. And I can safely say that what I order for brekkie never plays up with me. 6 inch bacon and egg on white, with swiss cheese, onion and chipotle sauce. Delicious!

Lunch today was rice, with salt, pepper, curry powder and milk added to taste, and minted peas thrown in while it all cooked. Came out rather like a risotto, and possibly would have been even nicer if I'd used arborio instead of plain old white rice. Still, was nice enough, and I had a bit of left over roast chook to throw in too. At this point, I'm fairly sure it's going okay with the gut. Dinner could be a worry. Left over onion soup went into the mix of a shepherd's pie, along with various other bits and pieces (mum cooked, and while her food is always delicious, as I don't always watch her cook I don't know exactly what goes in it), so we'll see how it goes.

Found some more stuff to attack the blackheads with. Clearasil blackhead control wipes. So hopefully the scrub stuff (Neutragena of some oil eliminating sort I believe) and the wipes will combine to be a deadly force on the invading guck in my face. Bad enough my gut giving me crap, without my face jumping on board too.

Anyway, I believe that's all I had to say today. Stay tuned for the next episode. Will it be a drama? Soapy? War flick? Comedy? Stuffed if I know! Will have to wait and see.

*raspberry goes here*

Just a note to anyone who has to have enemas: it is highly recommended (by me at least) that you warm them. Things going up your butt the wrong way is just plain not nice, but it's even worse when they're cold. EVEN BIGGER NOTE!!! Don't make them too hot. This will burn your butt, which is highly NOT recommended. Even worse when butt is already stinging from crapping all day long. If you do accidently burn your butt, crying like a baby until it stops hurting is recommended. If burnt badly (ie, actually burnt, not just a sh!t that's hot, let it cool down a bit), immediate cold water while seeking medical advice/calling an ambo. Burns are not good. Also, note but not related to temperature, if you've got someone who can give you a hand with these evil spawns of the devil, bite your pride and accept that help. You've probably had to bite it enough by now anyway, so it can't hurt for making it easier for you.

Wasn't a hugely happy camper yesterday afternoon. Tired, over it all, issues as vaguely mentioned above.... Not a happy kid. Did however have that ordeal earlier yesterday afternoon, which allowed for a grumpy me to snag the last bottle of James Squire Golden Ale out of the fridge, then proceed on to a home brew Little Creatures. I don't drink much, haven't actually had anything for a few weeks until yesterday, but the odd drink calms me somewhat. I try not to get drunk these days. I know my "oops I'm drunk and can't stop drinking" point comes somewhere through my third drink, just not sure where exactly, so I limit myself to two these days. I'm a somewhat happy, calm drunk (despite only getting tipsy), so it was good yesterday to have those two.

Went to bed about 10 ish, got to sleep a bit before 11, woke up about 8 this morning with only two wake ups during the night. Rather sleepy right now, but it was nice to get a good night's sleep and a sleep in.

I cooked today. Maybe two years ago I was watching a Jamie Oliver show and he made onion soup. I drooled as I was watching that show and I've been itching to try it ever since. So this morning I made The Ultimate Onion Soup (as appearing in Jamie's Dinners, fantastic cook book, go buy it!) for lunch. It actually worked. I've never had onion soup before, but it was nice, and even mum and dad ate some which says something. People rarely try a full serve of my cooking. So far it hasn't had any effect on me, so hopefully it'll be something I can make occassionally (wouldn't want it all the time, but it is nice) when my gut's not so good and it'll be a settling food as opposed to an aggravating one.

Anyway. I think I'm off to the land of nod for a while this afternoon. Loving the long weekend that allows me to do stuff AND catch up on sleep. Normally it's one or the other any given weekend. Today though, sleep.

Would you like diarrhoea with that?

No? Too bad, you've got it. Gargh! So over it today! Just when I think that maybe my original symptoms are beginning to fade, bam! Tired, achey, sore, grumpy and just so over it.

Yeah. Grumpy pants are on today. Have spent most of the day trying to work out whether I need to crap or puke, thankfully puking hasn't occurred yet.

Food wise, I'm thinking there may be some guilty parties there. Looking at you dairy. And you curry. Both of which break my heart. Grand-daughter of a dairy farmer, have drank milk all my life and now I'm suspicious of it. And the curry? The thought of not being able to have curry actually brings a tear to my eye. I love it with a passion only out done by my love of potato, and it's just not fair.

Am thinking I may need to go back to a really bland diet after all and just work my way up gradually from there. At least I can eat potatoes? Please?

Yours truly,
One Sh!tty Blogger.

Ah sh!t.

Oh owwwww! Maybe that curry doesn't go so well with me after all. Or maybe I just ate it a bit quickly..... Or too much..... Oops....

Just another day with the old hag...

Slept alright last night, only woke up two or three times. Was nice. Gave me a chance to get comfy and curl up under the blankets and actually nod off into a deepish sleep. Annoyed that I woke up at 5 though when my alarm's set for 6. Managed a bit of sleep in that time, just coulda done without waking up that time.

Relaxed a bit yesterday. My brother was away for the night, so it was a bit quieter, and we had curry (!) for dinner. Absolutely love curry, and haven't had it in a while, so I was both really looking forward to it and rather hesitant at the same time. Wasn't sure how it would go with the insides, but it's gone fine. And as a result of my dad forgetting the left overs were there and taking sandwiches to work instead, I get curry for lunch too! Whoo!

Also have a little bit of peace of mind in having found out that the enemas generally do cause a bit of pain and discomfort. While it's still sore, and still not comfy, at least I know it's meant to be like that and I'm not panicking about whether it's doing damage in there or not. Yesterday was also the first time I haven't disolved into a mess over the ordeal too, so hey. There's some ground gained.

Got a little bit of crocheting in last night too before my hands started seizing up. Felt good to work on some of the more intricate stuff compared to the big bulky blankets. The blankets are still good, but the smaller stuff takes a bit more out of my fingers and wrists, so I know if I can do them then the pain obviously isn't so bad. Being unable to work on even the blankets sometimes just makes me cry.

While not dramatically painful, I have noticed the odd chest/stomach muscle pain in the past few days. Not hugely fun, but not hugely painful either. I guess more just a discomfort than a pain, maybe a 2 or 3 out of 10. Also my right leg in particular has felt for the past week or so as though it's about to cramp. Though it's been continually feeling like it, so I continually feel worried that I'm about to get an almighty cramp that's going to render me useless and crying like a baby on the ground. Bah humbug.

Have also put on weight. Definitely a bit rounder in the face, and while I haven't weighed myself in a few days, when I did I'd put on 1.6kgs in a week. A bit sad, because that's half the weight that it's taken me three months to lose. I step forward, 6 steps backwards. *sigh goes here*

Sky is rainy, but it's slightly sunnier?

Hmm.... So I went down hill a bit yesterday afternoon. Really just wanted to toss the towel in. Butt was sore from pooping, and toilet paper was feeling like sand paper, and a rather course variety at that.

I'm a rather grumpy bitch when it comes to all the crap at the moment. I do apologise to people, and I know I should try not to be, but at times I just sit there thinking "Why me?" and it doesn't seem fair that I should have to put up with it alone. It makes it harder though when the people you're whinging to (okay, so they don't deserve the mouthful I give them, but they're there and they're meant to listen) start whinging back. I'm not whinging to have you make me feel worse! I'm bloody well whinging to make myself feel better. Don't listen if you don't want to, just don't throw it back on me and make me feel ten times worse than I already am. It already feels bad enough.

Dinner was nice last night, and it doesn't seem to be causing any issues. Generally by now I'd be not so good if it were going to play up. Steak and onion and mushroom stuff, with mashed potato, and steamed carrots and zucchini. Quite yummy. And I get left overs of the steak and onion stuff for lunch, so hopefully things'll behave today.

On the slightly brighter side, I slept a bit better last night. Woke up maybe three or four times, once possibly because a mouse knocked my box of tissues off my cupboard. Also, despite everything being sore last night (went to bed because I couldn't do anything involving my hands, and I normally sit and crochet after dinner), things are feeling a little better this morning. Here's to hoping!

Just a quickie...

Okay, so I'm alive. And in pain. What's new?

Spent the night tossing and turning and not sleeping real well, was awake pretty much once an hour throughout the whole night. Coulda been some of the skin off the roast chook for dinner, or the stuffing, or maybe just the amount of oil on the baked veg (although truthfully there wasn't that much compared with what's on other stuff I eat). *shrugs* Not sure what it was, but something didn't overly agree with my stomach. Also spent the night trying to work out whether I was hot or cold. Would wake up drenched in sweat with not so much as a sheet on, and a few moments later would be absolutely freezing, and then it would swing back the other way. Not much fun.

Wrists are sore, right hand fingers are sore, right elbow's aching a bit, and my right knee and shoulder are a bit dull and achey. On the up side, my wrist wrest for my mouse at work has finally arrived (after having been on back order for a few weeks) so maybe that'll give me a bit of relief. It was kinda interesting driving to work this morning though, rather difficult to get a good and comfortable grip on the steering wheel.

Very tired. Trouble with focusing. Blergh.