Next time my body tells me it needs Red Bull and pain killers I am not going to ignore it. For real. Promise. Haven't been sleeping well lately, on top of all the normal fatiguey crap. Had someone have a go at me this morning about the amount of meds and stuff I'm on and they seemed to pull up very short of calling me a druggie. So I sat there at work the whole day with no Red Bull and no pain relief. I managed to keep my head off the keyboard, though my colleagues were under strict orders that if they found me face planted on the desk to just leave me there. Also didn't have any pain relief. My head doesn't like me today, so that was a challenge, and my back and hips are arguing with sitting still for 8 hours, but I did it. I am however caving, as damnit I need sleep! Also managed to get my mitts on some Phenerghan which should knock me out for a good few hours.
I really don't think it's fair to be treated like crap just because you have health issues that someone else doesn't have and doesn't/can't/won't understand. I mean, to get the meds to keep you in remission you basically have to turn yourself into a contortionist who doesn't care about their dignity and can leap blindfolded through flaming rings. And then there's not just the 20 questions, but the gazillion questions that the chemist throws at you if it isn't a prescription med (hello codiene), which stop very short of asking you about your mother's sexual history. Well okay, not quite that far, but bloody hell. I don't get why people treat the ligits like druggies, and the druggies get it all for fricking free, along with the sympathetic "Oh, you poor thing, it must be so hard giving up those live destroying drugs". *Insert worn out scream here* Just so fed up with it.
Work is going well. Money is good. Just wish the job had some degree of permanency to it. And I wish I was capable of making up my mind. One minute I've decided I'll move to Canberra, then I change it to Queensland, then West Aus, then somewhere completely random. All I know is I'm tired of where I am, and yet I'm too chicken to leave it.
Gagh. Anyway. I'm gonna bugger off now before I keep on ranting. Hadn't intended to. Really. Honest.
Oh, and I think I've developed an allergy to alcohol. Seems just recently everytime I drink any booze it starts playing up with the airways. All tight and swolen feeling, at least on the inside, as if they're closing up. Rather bothersome. Eh.
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Monday, November 22, 2010
Monday, October 4, 2010
Ooooh look, another blog entry.
So I was reading blogs as you do and then a thought popped in to my head. Why don't I actually write in my blog every time I sit here reading some? So I'm making an effort and writing again. Keep in mind, I am a rather boring person so the posts will likely be on repeat.
Since last time? I went to my company's annual charity golf day. Me. With a golf club? Yeah I may or may not have been literally rolling on the floor with laughter. Me and sports don't usually mix, and I was rather afraid of the ball staying put and the club going flying and collecting someone on the head. Fears were baseless though. Didn't end up playing. Instead got to enjoy the golf course at a leisurely pace, enjoying the birds and the trees, and attacking people with the camera. Got paid my usual wage for it, plus 2 bottles of decent wine, and also had the charity request the use of one of my shots in a new publication they put out. Paid and published in a day. I like it. :)
Have since finished with said company however, and it's their loss, not mine. I start a new job tomorrow, a contract role in a (hopefully!) nice cushy government job. Thinking about it, it's probably what I've been aiming for for quite some years. It's good hours (I get to leave early on Fridays for now), and it's damn good pay for what I'll be doing. I remember thinking when I first started work, fresh out of high school, that when I hit a certain figure with my pay then I would be doing well and would be happy. Well, I've hit that figure. Recently thought it wouldn't happen but hey. Let's just hope the smile stays put. :D Car should be paid off in a few weeks at most, then a few costs involved with it due at the end of the year. Should also be able to afford all the tech gadgets I'm after too before the end of the year. It feels nice to have enough money to be comfortable with.
Been laid back with a cold/flu thing the last week or so. Started feeling a bit blank last Saturday, then the sore throat hit on the Sunday. A cough started creeping in with headaches and a snuffly nose about Wednesday and then the voice disappeared. Managed to drag myself to the doc on Saturday just been and got some stuff to hopefully help, also hit up the chemist again today for more cough meds (spent three hours awake barking last night) and some nasal decongestant. Need to be awake/healthy for tomorrow. This weekend, just been going through the dvd collection, the odd bit of a book here and there, and icecream, not because I want to eat, but because I know I have to eat something. Mind, it was nice icecream. :)
Anyway. That's me over and out for another blog. Hope everyone is well.
Since last time? I went to my company's annual charity golf day. Me. With a golf club? Yeah I may or may not have been literally rolling on the floor with laughter. Me and sports don't usually mix, and I was rather afraid of the ball staying put and the club going flying and collecting someone on the head. Fears were baseless though. Didn't end up playing. Instead got to enjoy the golf course at a leisurely pace, enjoying the birds and the trees, and attacking people with the camera. Got paid my usual wage for it, plus 2 bottles of decent wine, and also had the charity request the use of one of my shots in a new publication they put out. Paid and published in a day. I like it. :)
Have since finished with said company however, and it's their loss, not mine. I start a new job tomorrow, a contract role in a (hopefully!) nice cushy government job. Thinking about it, it's probably what I've been aiming for for quite some years. It's good hours (I get to leave early on Fridays for now), and it's damn good pay for what I'll be doing. I remember thinking when I first started work, fresh out of high school, that when I hit a certain figure with my pay then I would be doing well and would be happy. Well, I've hit that figure. Recently thought it wouldn't happen but hey. Let's just hope the smile stays put. :D Car should be paid off in a few weeks at most, then a few costs involved with it due at the end of the year. Should also be able to afford all the tech gadgets I'm after too before the end of the year. It feels nice to have enough money to be comfortable with.
Been laid back with a cold/flu thing the last week or so. Started feeling a bit blank last Saturday, then the sore throat hit on the Sunday. A cough started creeping in with headaches and a snuffly nose about Wednesday and then the voice disappeared. Managed to drag myself to the doc on Saturday just been and got some stuff to hopefully help, also hit up the chemist again today for more cough meds (spent three hours awake barking last night) and some nasal decongestant. Need to be awake/healthy for tomorrow. This weekend, just been going through the dvd collection, the odd bit of a book here and there, and icecream, not because I want to eat, but because I know I have to eat something. Mind, it was nice icecream. :)
Anyway. That's me over and out for another blog. Hope everyone is well.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
So after various appointments with the doc and multiple blood tests, he's come to the conclusion that I don't have pancreatitis. Thank the gods for small mercies. Pain had pretty much gone since stopping the meds, but the nausea is still there to a certain degree. Am managing food, but still feel rather off, even after the maxalon. Have to get antoher ultrasound done on Monday morning, which means more time off work, just to confirm that it isn't pancreatitis, even though he's already decided it isn't. Then have to go get yet more blood tests (will be the fourth lot in a week) and poop in a jar to rule out infection. Downside to that is I'm still having the varying swings between constipation and diarrhoea. Fingers crossed I can poop on cue hey?
Very worried about work. Doctor ordered me off work last week, and as I'm a temp/on a contract I had to ring in every day (not to mention not get paid for it). By Friday the boss seemed a little bit on the cold side. Doc seemed to be about to order me off work for the coming week too, until I told him I'd probably lose my job if he did that. Still seems rather not happy with the idea of me being at work, but what can I do about it? It's work now and maybe save my job, or not work now and possibly not work for quite some time, and with no savings, that's just not an option.
Oh, also was mentioned that the doc will try again for Humira seeing as the 6mp failed. Theoretically they can't turn me down, but we'll see. It is the government after all.
Anyway, I'm off to find my anti-spew drugs in an attempt to shut my stomach up. Hope everyone is well.
Very worried about work. Doctor ordered me off work last week, and as I'm a temp/on a contract I had to ring in every day (not to mention not get paid for it). By Friday the boss seemed a little bit on the cold side. Doc seemed to be about to order me off work for the coming week too, until I told him I'd probably lose my job if he did that. Still seems rather not happy with the idea of me being at work, but what can I do about it? It's work now and maybe save my job, or not work now and possibly not work for quite some time, and with no savings, that's just not an option.
Oh, also was mentioned that the doc will try again for Humira seeing as the 6mp failed. Theoretically they can't turn me down, but we'll see. It is the government after all.
Anyway, I'm off to find my anti-spew drugs in an attempt to shut my stomach up. Hope everyone is well.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Sue Shepherd is a legend!!!
91 kilos! Yet another battle won, however minor it is. I don't enjoy the dizziness and the nausea from the lack of food, but it's worth it for this sort of weight loss. At this point I may still reach my goal by Christmas, which would just be amazing.
In other news, Dr Sue Shepherd is a legend. She's an Australian dietician who happens to have Coeliacs, and who happens to have written a few cook books as well as a guide to what to buy at the shops that's edible. Her books cater for Coeliacs, Fructose Malabsorption (smancy name for what I've supposedly got), IBS and various other bits and pieces. Seriously, books are fantastic, recipes great (see future posts for more! :D ) and just generally I feel so much better knowing that despite the two or three shelves of cookbooks I own now being practically useless for me, I have some now that I can use.
Anyone who is interested/can get there, there's a Gluten Free expo (also going over other things like the fructose stuff from what I can gather) on in Sydney in November on Saturday the 14th and Sunday the 15th, Sue Shepherd is also going to be there. I'm also under the impression that Tobie Puttock (chef who is awesome) will be there too, and both are giving presentations/demonstrations. Link for more info: http://www.glutenfreefoodshow.com.au/index.html
Crohn's wise, things have greatly improved since going on the low fructose diet. I hate not being able to have onion, and not being allowed to have fruit juice, but it is nice only having an episode or two every four or so days instead of many episodes every day. It might make things easier to work out when I'm flaring too, as opposed to pooping liquid all the time.
Thoroughly enjoying having time off from work. It's just nice waking up in the morning and knowing I don't have the stress of the daily drag in front of me, adding to my worries, and it really is nice to be able to go to sleep not worrying about what's left to do, and what needs doing when and blah blah blah..... *sigh* Just nice.
Anyway. I think I'm blogged out for now. More later though, with shiny pictures too!
In other news, Dr Sue Shepherd is a legend. She's an Australian dietician who happens to have Coeliacs, and who happens to have written a few cook books as well as a guide to what to buy at the shops that's edible. Her books cater for Coeliacs, Fructose Malabsorption (smancy name for what I've supposedly got), IBS and various other bits and pieces. Seriously, books are fantastic, recipes great (see future posts for more! :D ) and just generally I feel so much better knowing that despite the two or three shelves of cookbooks I own now being practically useless for me, I have some now that I can use.
Anyone who is interested/can get there, there's a Gluten Free expo (also going over other things like the fructose stuff from what I can gather) on in Sydney in November on Saturday the 14th and Sunday the 15th, Sue Shepherd is also going to be there. I'm also under the impression that Tobie Puttock (chef who is awesome) will be there too, and both are giving presentations/demonstrations. Link for more info: http://www.glutenfreefoodshow.com.au/index.html
Crohn's wise, things have greatly improved since going on the low fructose diet. I hate not being able to have onion, and not being allowed to have fruit juice, but it is nice only having an episode or two every four or so days instead of many episodes every day. It might make things easier to work out when I'm flaring too, as opposed to pooping liquid all the time.
Thoroughly enjoying having time off from work. It's just nice waking up in the morning and knowing I don't have the stress of the daily drag in front of me, adding to my worries, and it really is nice to be able to go to sleep not worrying about what's left to do, and what needs doing when and blah blah blah..... *sigh* Just nice.
Anyway. I think I'm blogged out for now. More later though, with shiny pictures too!
Friday, September 18, 2009
Blah.
So I finished work on Wednesday. Already starting to feel more relaxed. Hoping now that I don't have work to contend with that I can get my life sorted and back on track. The people I worked with were all very generous, all chipped in and got me a $75 Borders voucher. They're awesome people.
I'm aiming to go to the beach at least twice a week (looking at Tuesdays and Thursdays for some sort of routine) to watch the sun come up and then walk the breakwall. Relaxing and exercising at the same time huh?
Also had a phone call from the dietician two days ago to move my appointment forward to yesterday. So I trudged along and saw her. I am now not allowed to touch wheat with a ten foot pole, same for fat and onion and most fruits. What the? No fruit when losing weight? Oh, and most definitely no fruit juice. I am however still allowed alcohol, and as much diet soft drink as I like. I don't get it, but I s'pose that's why she's the dietician and I'm not. See her again in a month to see how I'm going.
Umm..... Really I've got nothing. Pretty much the same really, whinging about everything. Still extremely tired.... Eh. Maybe more next time.
I'm aiming to go to the beach at least twice a week (looking at Tuesdays and Thursdays for some sort of routine) to watch the sun come up and then walk the breakwall. Relaxing and exercising at the same time huh?
Also had a phone call from the dietician two days ago to move my appointment forward to yesterday. So I trudged along and saw her. I am now not allowed to touch wheat with a ten foot pole, same for fat and onion and most fruits. What the? No fruit when losing weight? Oh, and most definitely no fruit juice. I am however still allowed alcohol, and as much diet soft drink as I like. I don't get it, but I s'pose that's why she's the dietician and I'm not. See her again in a month to see how I'm going.
Umm..... Really I've got nothing. Pretty much the same really, whinging about everything. Still extremely tired.... Eh. Maybe more next time.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Another tired post
Damn it's hard being selfish. I gave my two weeks notice about a few hours ago, and it's one of the hardest conscious decisions I've had to make in recent memory. But the decision needed making so it got made.
Went and saw the GI on Monday arvo. Also dropped down to 7.5mg of Pred on Monday morning, so haven't got far to go. Unfortunately my inflammatory markers are heading back up, and my iron's a bit low, so yeah. *sad face* I did mention that I really don't want to go back on the Pred as it does special things to me that I don't like, and the doctor agreed, so I suppose that's something. Also got a script for Imodium ($23 for 100 tablets as opposed to $15 for 12? I think yes!) with five repeats, and a referral for a dietitian, so hopefully I can start getting some help with shedding the Pred pounds.
Am heading to the shops this afternoon after work, hopefully with mum in tow, to have another look at a cross trainer, with the hopes of buying it. Get the fun of putting it together like a giant mechano set and then have the fun of playing with it. Yay! :)
Also, was bit naughty today and had one of the new McDonalds Grand Angus burgers, and damn it was good. Really nice sour dough, and the salad was yummy, but the meat was a little dry. I did however limit myself to just the burger, so was good in that regard.
Very tired right now. Had the whole insomnia gig again last night (bang on two o'clock too), and this morning's coffee's long worn off. Trying some Zero to get the caffeine into the veins again. Hopefully it'll work.
Went and saw the GI on Monday arvo. Also dropped down to 7.5mg of Pred on Monday morning, so haven't got far to go. Unfortunately my inflammatory markers are heading back up, and my iron's a bit low, so yeah. *sad face* I did mention that I really don't want to go back on the Pred as it does special things to me that I don't like, and the doctor agreed, so I suppose that's something. Also got a script for Imodium ($23 for 100 tablets as opposed to $15 for 12? I think yes!) with five repeats, and a referral for a dietitian, so hopefully I can start getting some help with shedding the Pred pounds.
Am heading to the shops this afternoon after work, hopefully with mum in tow, to have another look at a cross trainer, with the hopes of buying it. Get the fun of putting it together like a giant mechano set and then have the fun of playing with it. Yay! :)
Also, was bit naughty today and had one of the new McDonalds Grand Angus burgers, and damn it was good. Really nice sour dough, and the salad was yummy, but the meat was a little dry. I did however limit myself to just the burger, so was good in that regard.
Very tired right now. Had the whole insomnia gig again last night (bang on two o'clock too), and this morning's coffee's long worn off. Trying some Zero to get the caffeine into the veins again. Hopefully it'll work.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Random update
So I forgot to update my weight thinger yesterday. Managed to gain weight (yet again)..... 93.6 kilos now. But seriously, how the feck? I've been eating healthier, and less, and I've been backing off the Pred (now down to 10mg, go me!), so how the hell did I gain weight? Okay, so the exercise just didn't happen, but considering the eating habits and such, I'd have thought I'd at least stay at the same weight. *sad face here*
Meanwhile, died my hair. Reddish brown. And then attempted to straighten it this morning before work but it was too hot (seriously, predicted 29 celcius today and it's still winter), so my hair being ever so agreeable has decided to start frizzing again. Stupid hair.
Went back up the Valley yesterday too. Not so much the pull at the heart strings, but did enjoy it, which indicates that the last time I mentioned it must have just been from not feeling well. Would still like to head up there one day, though I'd much prefer Queensland. Beautiful one day, perfect the next. Couldn't be truer. :)
Thinking of moving my "moving out by" date forward. By a year or two. Things work better between me and my family when there's quite a bit of space between us. Ie, me not being in the same house. Sad but true. And as I'd really much rather be on talking terms with them as opposed to changing my name so they can't find me, I think the sooner I go, the better. Though, it does put me in a slightly worse financial position. Bah humbug. Sanity is more important. Dog box of my own? Here I come! :) Besides, if it's just me, the place doesn't need to be huge, or perfect, it just needs to be mine.
Though, if I go ahead and look at moving out, I need a stable job. So jumping on the job search bandwagon huh? Shame. I like it here. Just don't want it to go under.
Meanwhile, died my hair. Reddish brown. And then attempted to straighten it this morning before work but it was too hot (seriously, predicted 29 celcius today and it's still winter), so my hair being ever so agreeable has decided to start frizzing again. Stupid hair.
Went back up the Valley yesterday too. Not so much the pull at the heart strings, but did enjoy it, which indicates that the last time I mentioned it must have just been from not feeling well. Would still like to head up there one day, though I'd much prefer Queensland. Beautiful one day, perfect the next. Couldn't be truer. :)
Thinking of moving my "moving out by" date forward. By a year or two. Things work better between me and my family when there's quite a bit of space between us. Ie, me not being in the same house. Sad but true. And as I'd really much rather be on talking terms with them as opposed to changing my name so they can't find me, I think the sooner I go, the better. Though, it does put me in a slightly worse financial position. Bah humbug. Sanity is more important. Dog box of my own? Here I come! :) Besides, if it's just me, the place doesn't need to be huge, or perfect, it just needs to be mine.
Though, if I go ahead and look at moving out, I need a stable job. So jumping on the job search bandwagon huh? Shame. I like it here. Just don't want it to go under.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Eh.
Whooo! I finally have a full meal I can eat without problems! Potato, broccoli, carrot and stroganoff. *happy dance* It's a relief to be able to say yes, I can eat that meal, rather than, maybe I can eat part of it. Yay! Also, roast lamb seems to go well, which is awesome.
Joint pain is still there, and slightly problematic. Like this morning on the way to work when both hips and my back gave out at the same time. Hating it. And hating the doctor too.
Oh and work? Not only is my boss leaving, one of the people from accounts is bailing too. Oh, and the random salesperson.... My resignation letter is in draft stage in my head. Just a matter of pen to paper and when. I'm so over waking up in the morning and wondering "Am I going to have a job in a few hours?". And I'm over wondering who will leave next. Or when things are going to come crashing down. At least if I pull the pin I'm in control and I know when things are finishing. Right now it's just yet another stress that I don't want or need.
So tired! I'm taking a sleeping tablet pretty much every second night to try and sleep properly, and yet I'm still waking up every hour or two, tossing and turning and just not getting a good sleep. And then in the morning it's as much caffeine as I can pack into one or two cups of coffee (I'm good and don't have any after lunch) just to try and stay awake. Had enough.
Joint pain is still there, and slightly problematic. Like this morning on the way to work when both hips and my back gave out at the same time. Hating it. And hating the doctor too.
Oh and work? Not only is my boss leaving, one of the people from accounts is bailing too. Oh, and the random salesperson.... My resignation letter is in draft stage in my head. Just a matter of pen to paper and when. I'm so over waking up in the morning and wondering "Am I going to have a job in a few hours?". And I'm over wondering who will leave next. Or when things are going to come crashing down. At least if I pull the pin I'm in control and I know when things are finishing. Right now it's just yet another stress that I don't want or need.
So tired! I'm taking a sleeping tablet pretty much every second night to try and sleep properly, and yet I'm still waking up every hour or two, tossing and turning and just not getting a good sleep. And then in the morning it's as much caffeine as I can pack into one or two cups of coffee (I'm good and don't have any after lunch) just to try and stay awake. Had enough.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Eh.
Coffee goes so much better with milk in it.
My stomach goes so much better when I eat foods that I know are safe. Though, I am starting to think about trying the whole gluten free gig that I hear of so many Crohnies doing. Can't kill me, and might help settle things.
Went to the pet shop yesterday with the intention of buying a catfish for the fish tank. I should not be let loose in a pet shop that has baby fish. The "Awww! But they're so cute!" thing took over, and I ended up with three baby bristlenose catfish. No more fish now. Tank is too full. But they're babies, and they're cute! *squeals go here*
Erm.... Work still exists? Haven't pulled the pin. Really, I don't want to, but I will if I have to. Will sit for now I think. Maybe. So I'm indecisive. Shoot me. :P
My stomach goes so much better when I eat foods that I know are safe. Though, I am starting to think about trying the whole gluten free gig that I hear of so many Crohnies doing. Can't kill me, and might help settle things.
Went to the pet shop yesterday with the intention of buying a catfish for the fish tank. I should not be let loose in a pet shop that has baby fish. The "Awww! But they're so cute!" thing took over, and I ended up with three baby bristlenose catfish. No more fish now. Tank is too full. But they're babies, and they're cute! *squeals go here*
Erm.... Work still exists? Haven't pulled the pin. Really, I don't want to, but I will if I have to. Will sit for now I think. Maybe. So I'm indecisive. Shoot me. :P
Monday, August 10, 2009
Big red buttons...
So my finger is creeping all the more closer towards that giant red button with the word PANIC written on it in bold. Seriously, it's a matter of millimetres.
Still in pain today (whole shebang), but not quite as bad as over the weekend, so I've dragged myself in to work. Find out this morning that my boss (who's ironically enough off with a bad neck, hope he gets better) resigned last week. This bothers/worries me to a fair degree. I still know nothing about the industry I work in, and I rely heavily on him half the time to tell me what things are and how to do things. I'm a little worried that I'll look completely stupid once he's gone (in two weeks) as opposed to just slightly stupid. Then there's the Crohn's. He's been utterly fantastic with it. And the arthritis. Once he's gone I don't know how everyone else will deal with it.
Originally I remember I didn't enjoy this job. And then I got to know the people, and some of the people we deal with, and vaguely I'm getting to know what things are and what to expect. But really......
Pros of staying:
-Comfortable with people
-Easy with the Crohn's
-It's money
Pros of leaving:
-Can go on a holiday
-Can take some time to get fit(ter than I am now)
-Can take some time to get my head around things (I needed to do this months ago)
-Can (definitely) get a job that pays more
-Can (most likely) get a job closer to home (less money on transport, more money to save)
-Won't get stuck with a company that's going under
-Possibly better places for the Crohn's/arthritis
-Meet new people
Umm..... Actually not too sure why I'm still here, truth be told, looking at the above pros and cons. I think it's time I polish up the resume and push the big red panic button.
In other news.... Umm.... Not having a melt down today? Yet? Apart from the above stuff that is.
Am halfway through Breaking Dawn (last in the Twilight saga). Still enjoying it. Also managed to finish watching the Twilight movie. Definitely a case of don't judge a book by it's movie, but I suppose not entirely bad. Love Bella's Lullaby from it, plus the piano scene it's in. Otherwise I think I may be slightly indifferent to it.
My little black fish is nearly better. I think I'll be able to stop turning the water bright green in a few days. Am looking at getting a catfish for the tank too. Should help keep it cleaner. Mind, I'm getting used to cleaning it every second or third day (a little too often perhaps, but hey). Forgot to mention that I did manage to drag myself out on the weekend to a few fish shops. One of them is fantastic with the range in particular, including Nemo fish, and lion/scorpion fish, and starfish..... And they had huge tanks too which makes me itch even more to have a place of my own.
Erm.... Coffee tastes yucky without milk.
Also, Crohn's stuff..... Either chicken volevants (have no idea how to spell that) or apricot chicken severely disagree with me (even though I've previously said that apricot chicken goes okay). So sadly and with much regret, they both get added to the blacklist.
Still in pain today (whole shebang), but not quite as bad as over the weekend, so I've dragged myself in to work. Find out this morning that my boss (who's ironically enough off with a bad neck, hope he gets better) resigned last week. This bothers/worries me to a fair degree. I still know nothing about the industry I work in, and I rely heavily on him half the time to tell me what things are and how to do things. I'm a little worried that I'll look completely stupid once he's gone (in two weeks) as opposed to just slightly stupid. Then there's the Crohn's. He's been utterly fantastic with it. And the arthritis. Once he's gone I don't know how everyone else will deal with it.
Originally I remember I didn't enjoy this job. And then I got to know the people, and some of the people we deal with, and vaguely I'm getting to know what things are and what to expect. But really......
Pros of staying:
-Comfortable with people
-Easy with the Crohn's
-It's money
Pros of leaving:
-Can go on a holiday
-Can take some time to get fit(ter than I am now)
-Can take some time to get my head around things (I needed to do this months ago)
-Can (definitely) get a job that pays more
-Can (most likely) get a job closer to home (less money on transport, more money to save)
-Won't get stuck with a company that's going under
-Possibly better places for the Crohn's/arthritis
-Meet new people
Umm..... Actually not too sure why I'm still here, truth be told, looking at the above pros and cons. I think it's time I polish up the resume and push the big red panic button.
In other news.... Umm.... Not having a melt down today? Yet? Apart from the above stuff that is.
Am halfway through Breaking Dawn (last in the Twilight saga). Still enjoying it. Also managed to finish watching the Twilight movie. Definitely a case of don't judge a book by it's movie, but I suppose not entirely bad. Love Bella's Lullaby from it, plus the piano scene it's in. Otherwise I think I may be slightly indifferent to it.
My little black fish is nearly better. I think I'll be able to stop turning the water bright green in a few days. Am looking at getting a catfish for the tank too. Should help keep it cleaner. Mind, I'm getting used to cleaning it every second or third day (a little too often perhaps, but hey). Forgot to mention that I did manage to drag myself out on the weekend to a few fish shops. One of them is fantastic with the range in particular, including Nemo fish, and lion/scorpion fish, and starfish..... And they had huge tanks too which makes me itch even more to have a place of my own.
Erm.... Coffee tastes yucky without milk.
Also, Crohn's stuff..... Either chicken volevants (have no idea how to spell that) or apricot chicken severely disagree with me (even though I've previously said that apricot chicken goes okay). So sadly and with much regret, they both get added to the blacklist.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Update through the pain...
So. Attempting to block out the pain while I'm typing....
Went to see the doc yesterday. This time dad came with me. I was amazed at the difference in the doctor this time. He's gone from being Doctor Useless to Doctor Informative or Doctor Caring in the snap of a finger. Maybe he's a bit old school and prefers to talk to blokes. *shrug goes here* Dunno, but it was much better. Anyways. Blood tests and pee tests done last week indicate that there is no rhuematoid arthiritis present, however he did say that the arthitis you can get with Crohn's mimicks it rather than actually being RA. So he's trying to get me in to see a rhuematologist. Was going to phone him today and get back to me today (see below). Also said he won't put me back on the Imuran seeing as the headaches are gone (or at least much better now), which indicates that it was the Imuran causing them. Sadly, this means longer on the Pred, and no backing off it at the moment. It also means he needs to come up with an action plan or something of the sort in conjunction with the rhuematologist in order to treat the arthritis, and also look at getting me onto Humira, which would be awesome in a/treating the Crohn's, and b/getting me the hell off the Pred. No pain relief prescribed. :(
Woke up with my hands still in a degree of agony today. Don't quite understand why as I rested them all day yesterday. Still. Got sorted, went to work. In pain. And it continued to get worse. I lasted 45 minutes before asking if I could leave. Very grateful to the people I work with, very understanding.
About to leave, and my boss had a chat with me. Apparently there was a meeting yesterday which I missed about our work hours and such. Nothing to do with my medical stuff, but because we've had bugger all work coming through lately everyone's being cut back to a three day week instead of the normal five day week. Not hugely shocked by it, well, surprised a little, but it has been extremely quiet. Just a little worried about money and such. Mind, it's not as though I'm capable of working a five day week at the moment with my hands how they are anyway. Just wondering how things'll go with less money, more time to spend it, and more things that I'll have to spend it on. Hopefully things'll go okay.
Was driving home this morning and my phone rang. Doc had phoned the rhuematologist (rhumy from now on because my hands hurt and my spelling is probably wrong). Unfortunately, a/ rhumy wasn't in office until this arvo, and b/he's not able to see anyone until August. AUGUST!!!! That's six to eight weeks of agony before I even get to see the guy! Doc did say however before I could get upset with him (not his fault, I know, I was just starting to goggle over a 6 week wait) that he would write a letter to him, fax it through, and would contact me again tomorrow in the hope of getting me in quite a bit sooner. So hopefully tomorrow I'll have some good news. All I know is I can't survive the pain for that long without some form of relief.
So yeah. Not a fantastic day really. Very very painful, and I'll still not sure why. They're normally a bit better after a day of rest, but they've gone the other way. Stupid hands. Anyone like to trade for a bit? Also, coldy gunk kicked back in a little while ago, so feeling all gluggy in the head and nose too. Blergh. It's raining. Which would possibly add to a bad mood, but I like the rain, so it's a positive. As a result of the hands though, I have spent the day mooching in front of the tv (it hurts to hold a book right now). Dvd of 300, then Dr Phil (crap show, but hey), then Oprah (wow mid day tv is just so exciting!), then Ready Steady Cook (a show I actually don't mind). And now this. Despite the agony, it needs typing. I'm sure there's one or two people at least who read this and possibly want to know what I'm doing, and it helps me keep track of things, so yeah. It is important.
And because I'm only going to be at work three days a week and probably home the other four, I'm looking to bring my fish home rather than on my desk. I'll get a plant or something that's easier to look after if others have to water it or whatever. It also means the fish can have a bigger tank (scrap that, they get a tank as opposed to a bowl), and a filter (zomg!), and if they can behave and stop pulling their plants out then I might get them some more of those too. Spoilt fish they are. ;D But they're cute, so they're worth it.
Went to see the doc yesterday. This time dad came with me. I was amazed at the difference in the doctor this time. He's gone from being Doctor Useless to Doctor Informative or Doctor Caring in the snap of a finger. Maybe he's a bit old school and prefers to talk to blokes. *shrug goes here* Dunno, but it was much better. Anyways. Blood tests and pee tests done last week indicate that there is no rhuematoid arthiritis present, however he did say that the arthitis you can get with Crohn's mimicks it rather than actually being RA. So he's trying to get me in to see a rhuematologist. Was going to phone him today and get back to me today (see below). Also said he won't put me back on the Imuran seeing as the headaches are gone (or at least much better now), which indicates that it was the Imuran causing them. Sadly, this means longer on the Pred, and no backing off it at the moment. It also means he needs to come up with an action plan or something of the sort in conjunction with the rhuematologist in order to treat the arthritis, and also look at getting me onto Humira, which would be awesome in a/treating the Crohn's, and b/getting me the hell off the Pred. No pain relief prescribed. :(
Woke up with my hands still in a degree of agony today. Don't quite understand why as I rested them all day yesterday. Still. Got sorted, went to work. In pain. And it continued to get worse. I lasted 45 minutes before asking if I could leave. Very grateful to the people I work with, very understanding.
About to leave, and my boss had a chat with me. Apparently there was a meeting yesterday which I missed about our work hours and such. Nothing to do with my medical stuff, but because we've had bugger all work coming through lately everyone's being cut back to a three day week instead of the normal five day week. Not hugely shocked by it, well, surprised a little, but it has been extremely quiet. Just a little worried about money and such. Mind, it's not as though I'm capable of working a five day week at the moment with my hands how they are anyway. Just wondering how things'll go with less money, more time to spend it, and more things that I'll have to spend it on. Hopefully things'll go okay.
Was driving home this morning and my phone rang. Doc had phoned the rhuematologist (rhumy from now on because my hands hurt and my spelling is probably wrong). Unfortunately, a/ rhumy wasn't in office until this arvo, and b/he's not able to see anyone until August. AUGUST!!!! That's six to eight weeks of agony before I even get to see the guy! Doc did say however before I could get upset with him (not his fault, I know, I was just starting to goggle over a 6 week wait) that he would write a letter to him, fax it through, and would contact me again tomorrow in the hope of getting me in quite a bit sooner. So hopefully tomorrow I'll have some good news. All I know is I can't survive the pain for that long without some form of relief.
So yeah. Not a fantastic day really. Very very painful, and I'll still not sure why. They're normally a bit better after a day of rest, but they've gone the other way. Stupid hands. Anyone like to trade for a bit? Also, coldy gunk kicked back in a little while ago, so feeling all gluggy in the head and nose too. Blergh. It's raining. Which would possibly add to a bad mood, but I like the rain, so it's a positive. As a result of the hands though, I have spent the day mooching in front of the tv (it hurts to hold a book right now). Dvd of 300, then Dr Phil (crap show, but hey), then Oprah (wow mid day tv is just so exciting!), then Ready Steady Cook (a show I actually don't mind). And now this. Despite the agony, it needs typing. I'm sure there's one or two people at least who read this and possibly want to know what I'm doing, and it helps me keep track of things, so yeah. It is important.
And because I'm only going to be at work three days a week and probably home the other four, I'm looking to bring my fish home rather than on my desk. I'll get a plant or something that's easier to look after if others have to water it or whatever. It also means the fish can have a bigger tank (scrap that, they get a tank as opposed to a bowl), and a filter (zomg!), and if they can behave and stop pulling their plants out then I might get them some more of those too. Spoilt fish they are. ;D But they're cute, so they're worth it.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
I'm a little teapot....
Not really, but I am going slowly but surely insane.
Just a note, odd bit of pee and poop discussion to follow. Good, bad, and ugly. :P
Am off work today. Came home early yesterday and Friday. Spent most of the weekend unable to do anything. Hips, knees, ankles, wrists, hands and fingers all in agony. To the point where it hurt to hold a book, and I was dropping things. Bah humbug. Today, not in quite as much agony, but fingers, wrists and hands still sore, and the cold that's been working it's way into my system decided to gate crash today. Trouble hearing, glands puffy, head on vacation..... Blergh.
Meanwhile, I'm being a whingy whiney brat. Because I damn well can. Yes, I'm feeling sorry for myself, because no 21 year old should have to deal with all this shite. And yes mum, I'm well aware that there are other people out there who are worse off than me. But also as I said to my mum, I don't give a rats about those people right now. Right now, I just want to indulge in a little bit of self pity, a little bit of woe is me, a little bit of "I feel like crap both physically and mentally and pardon me while I fall apart, can you pass me the superglue in a while?". One day, when I am feeling better, I'm sure I'll care about the rest of the world again.
Going to see the doc again this afternoon. Grumpy pants are on. He sent me to get blood tests done a few days ago, so I went on my way home from work on Friday. As you do, you pee before you leave, thinking you're only getting a jab in the arm. This is now the second time he's ordered me to pee in a jar and I've had to make yet another trip back in there while feeling like crap because he hasn't told me to hold it for the test. Blood test does not equal urine test. Urine test equals urine test. Blood test equals blood tests. I don't mind doing it, I would just appreciate knowing that I'm meant to be doing it so that I can hold it and thus pee on cue.
Apart from the whinging about his lack of telling me things I should know..... Will be talking to him about the pred while I'm there. I'm over it in a very big way. Yes, I do agree, it has most definitely helped quite dramatically. What used to result in me running and crapping liquid fire for half an hour, most often with blood and slime mixed in for artistic reasons (best reason I can think of, because there's nothing else logical.... Who would want a logical body?), now may just go "You need to find a loo yesterday" and then take some form of soft but solid, and rather rapid, escape from my butt.
So yeah, it's helped/helping, but at what cost? I've gained enough weight that my feet now live on my desk when I'm doing my shoes up. I can't bend far enough over to do them up without having great trouble breathing (as in can't breathe, end of story). Also, trouble wiping own butt because of weight. Managing, but difficult. Getting extremely puffed by things which shouldn't make me puffed (standing up for example). It doesn't help when kids turn around in their chairs and stare at you for a good thirty seconds then keep turning around to stare at you. Doesn't help when their parents don't bother to tell them that's rude either. The facial hair is bothering me a lot. It's to the point where I'm rather self conscious with it and I can't help but wonder if others can notice it too. There's the insomnia and complete and utter exhaustion too. I hate it. I'm dead to the world all day then when I go to bed, BAM! Wide awake. Over it. I'm fed up with the mood swings. Sure, others don't like it, but how the hell do they think I feel? I'm the one who can't control her emotions, and I'm also the one putting up with people screaming at me about it. Doesn't quite seem fair to deal with the problem, more problems to try and fix the problem, and people's (often bad) reactions to those problems. So yeah. Going to try and talk him into backing me off the pred. It's not nice, it's not pretty, and I've quite honestly had enough.
Hoping he'll send me to someone who can help with the joints. Wasn't able to drive on the weekend, and he won't give me painkillers that work (ie, tells me to take Panadiene [which isn't working] and gets cranky at me if I take Nurofen or Advil [only things that have any slight affect] because they're bad for Crohn's). Need something done. Can't drive, can't cook, can't knit... Hurts to brush my hair and teeth of a morning sometimes.
Tired of feeling like I'm letting people at work down too. I wasn't employed to sit at home in agony, I was employed to work, and I can't. Maybe I should just quit and let them hire someone who can do the job. Would be better for all involved I think.
Just a note, odd bit of pee and poop discussion to follow. Good, bad, and ugly. :P
Am off work today. Came home early yesterday and Friday. Spent most of the weekend unable to do anything. Hips, knees, ankles, wrists, hands and fingers all in agony. To the point where it hurt to hold a book, and I was dropping things. Bah humbug. Today, not in quite as much agony, but fingers, wrists and hands still sore, and the cold that's been working it's way into my system decided to gate crash today. Trouble hearing, glands puffy, head on vacation..... Blergh.
Meanwhile, I'm being a whingy whiney brat. Because I damn well can. Yes, I'm feeling sorry for myself, because no 21 year old should have to deal with all this shite. And yes mum, I'm well aware that there are other people out there who are worse off than me. But also as I said to my mum, I don't give a rats about those people right now. Right now, I just want to indulge in a little bit of self pity, a little bit of woe is me, a little bit of "I feel like crap both physically and mentally and pardon me while I fall apart, can you pass me the superglue in a while?". One day, when I am feeling better, I'm sure I'll care about the rest of the world again.
Going to see the doc again this afternoon. Grumpy pants are on. He sent me to get blood tests done a few days ago, so I went on my way home from work on Friday. As you do, you pee before you leave, thinking you're only getting a jab in the arm. This is now the second time he's ordered me to pee in a jar and I've had to make yet another trip back in there while feeling like crap because he hasn't told me to hold it for the test. Blood test does not equal urine test. Urine test equals urine test. Blood test equals blood tests. I don't mind doing it, I would just appreciate knowing that I'm meant to be doing it so that I can hold it and thus pee on cue.
Apart from the whinging about his lack of telling me things I should know..... Will be talking to him about the pred while I'm there. I'm over it in a very big way. Yes, I do agree, it has most definitely helped quite dramatically. What used to result in me running and crapping liquid fire for half an hour, most often with blood and slime mixed in for artistic reasons (best reason I can think of, because there's nothing else logical.... Who would want a logical body?), now may just go "You need to find a loo yesterday" and then take some form of soft but solid, and rather rapid, escape from my butt.
So yeah, it's helped/helping, but at what cost? I've gained enough weight that my feet now live on my desk when I'm doing my shoes up. I can't bend far enough over to do them up without having great trouble breathing (as in can't breathe, end of story). Also, trouble wiping own butt because of weight. Managing, but difficult. Getting extremely puffed by things which shouldn't make me puffed (standing up for example). It doesn't help when kids turn around in their chairs and stare at you for a good thirty seconds then keep turning around to stare at you. Doesn't help when their parents don't bother to tell them that's rude either. The facial hair is bothering me a lot. It's to the point where I'm rather self conscious with it and I can't help but wonder if others can notice it too. There's the insomnia and complete and utter exhaustion too. I hate it. I'm dead to the world all day then when I go to bed, BAM! Wide awake. Over it. I'm fed up with the mood swings. Sure, others don't like it, but how the hell do they think I feel? I'm the one who can't control her emotions, and I'm also the one putting up with people screaming at me about it. Doesn't quite seem fair to deal with the problem, more problems to try and fix the problem, and people's (often bad) reactions to those problems. So yeah. Going to try and talk him into backing me off the pred. It's not nice, it's not pretty, and I've quite honestly had enough.
Hoping he'll send me to someone who can help with the joints. Wasn't able to drive on the weekend, and he won't give me painkillers that work (ie, tells me to take Panadiene [which isn't working] and gets cranky at me if I take Nurofen or Advil [only things that have any slight affect] because they're bad for Crohn's). Need something done. Can't drive, can't cook, can't knit... Hurts to brush my hair and teeth of a morning sometimes.
Tired of feeling like I'm letting people at work down too. I wasn't employed to sit at home in agony, I was employed to work, and I can't. Maybe I should just quit and let them hire someone who can do the job. Would be better for all involved I think.
Friday, June 5, 2009
Update of sorts
So I made it to work on Wednesday. Took script for Salofalk to chemist after work. Went to pick it up and was told sorry, it won't be in until tomorrow. Fine, no worries.
Thursday, yesterday, off work again with the pain, so because sore hands equal uselessness, I got to sit there watching Oprah. Dear Gods. Mum also went to pick up the Salofalk and he'd only ordered one box instead of the two on the script. She also took me to a different (read better) chemist later on and I now have wrist strap/support thingers. They seem to help a little in that they keep body warmth in and that seems to limit the pain in the wrists a little, but they do nothing for the fingers, which is sad. Massive headaches yesterday, as well as worrying bouts of dizziness. Though, the nausea hasn't been back since I stopped the Imuran.
Today, I'm braving work again. Still sore, but I need the money, and a feel useless and unreliable by taking so much time off. Also have to drag myself back to the chemist today (day three of the Salofalk saga....) to get the second box. Won't be getting him to fill anymore scripts. There's been too many dramas with my meds that I'm just not happy with. Lucky there's a few others sort of nearby.
Out of sequence I know, but Tuesday night I went to the support group ran by CCA (Crohn's and Colitis Australia). First one in a few years that they've had. I think there were six or so of us there that had Crohn's or Colitis, one of whom bailed early with a look of terror on her face (her partner had a look of disgust on his). Three of us have the same doctor. It was good to be there. I wasn't sure at first if it would be worth it, but we basically just sat around sharing our experiences (which in my case is limited, but hey). It was interesting and actually really helpful to hear the others' stories, they all varied from a guy not much older than me to a retiree who had one of the first ops for it back in 1980 or 1981. I thought that because everyone with IBD has a different story that it would make me feel more alienated and more alone, but it did just the opposite, made me realise that there are others out there. Yeah, okay, I knew that, but meeting some of them made it a bit more real and a bit more dealable.
Am also thinking on doing some fundraising for CCA. Toying at the moment between a Krispey Kreme fundraiser thing (sort of like a lamington/pie drive), or selling my candles and the profits go to CCA (sort of a cheesy 'light at the end of the tunnel' thing if people need a link between candles and crappy bowels - pun intended). Fundraising would give me something to do, and also provide me with hope that maybe through me doing something there will be a cure in my lifetime. It's highly doubted, but one can hope, no?
Weekend, I will be attacking shops. Clothes, and also The Sims 3 came out in Oz yesterday, so I'll be hunting for that and hoping that places haven't sold out yet (yes, I'm a massive Sims geek).
Haven't really come accross any fantastic recipes lately, and the only real food discovery I've had is that store bought potato salad = bad. *shrug* Just means I have to make my own. What a shame. :P
Also, links below! ACCA is the old name for CCA, and the forum is fantastic, even for lurkers like me. ^_^
http://www.acca.net.au/
http://www.ibdaustralia.org/forums/index.php
Thursday, yesterday, off work again with the pain, so because sore hands equal uselessness, I got to sit there watching Oprah. Dear Gods. Mum also went to pick up the Salofalk and he'd only ordered one box instead of the two on the script. She also took me to a different (read better) chemist later on and I now have wrist strap/support thingers. They seem to help a little in that they keep body warmth in and that seems to limit the pain in the wrists a little, but they do nothing for the fingers, which is sad. Massive headaches yesterday, as well as worrying bouts of dizziness. Though, the nausea hasn't been back since I stopped the Imuran.
Today, I'm braving work again. Still sore, but I need the money, and a feel useless and unreliable by taking so much time off. Also have to drag myself back to the chemist today (day three of the Salofalk saga....) to get the second box. Won't be getting him to fill anymore scripts. There's been too many dramas with my meds that I'm just not happy with. Lucky there's a few others sort of nearby.
Out of sequence I know, but Tuesday night I went to the support group ran by CCA (Crohn's and Colitis Australia). First one in a few years that they've had. I think there were six or so of us there that had Crohn's or Colitis, one of whom bailed early with a look of terror on her face (her partner had a look of disgust on his). Three of us have the same doctor. It was good to be there. I wasn't sure at first if it would be worth it, but we basically just sat around sharing our experiences (which in my case is limited, but hey). It was interesting and actually really helpful to hear the others' stories, they all varied from a guy not much older than me to a retiree who had one of the first ops for it back in 1980 or 1981. I thought that because everyone with IBD has a different story that it would make me feel more alienated and more alone, but it did just the opposite, made me realise that there are others out there. Yeah, okay, I knew that, but meeting some of them made it a bit more real and a bit more dealable.
Am also thinking on doing some fundraising for CCA. Toying at the moment between a Krispey Kreme fundraiser thing (sort of like a lamington/pie drive), or selling my candles and the profits go to CCA (sort of a cheesy 'light at the end of the tunnel' thing if people need a link between candles and crappy bowels - pun intended). Fundraising would give me something to do, and also provide me with hope that maybe through me doing something there will be a cure in my lifetime. It's highly doubted, but one can hope, no?
Weekend, I will be attacking shops. Clothes, and also The Sims 3 came out in Oz yesterday, so I'll be hunting for that and hoping that places haven't sold out yet (yes, I'm a massive Sims geek).
Haven't really come accross any fantastic recipes lately, and the only real food discovery I've had is that store bought potato salad = bad. *shrug* Just means I have to make my own. What a shame. :P
Also, links below! ACCA is the old name for CCA, and the forum is fantastic, even for lurkers like me. ^_^
http://www.acca.net.au/
http://www.ibdaustralia.org/forums/index.php
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