Time for a quickie...

I'm alive!  Promise!  Just forgetting to blog/having nothing to really blog about.

Local time it's about 10pm, and I've gotta be up before 6 in the morning so I'll keep it brief and fill in the details some other time.  Also had a few wines, so if the spelling is off/I don't sound normal, that's my excuse.

Crohn's = not killing me, which I'm thankful for.
Fructose = causing problems when I don't avoid high doseages.  It's slightly less forgiving than before.
Arthritis/Arthralga/Joint Pain = Still there occasionally.  Enough to make me whinge and random enough to be annoying.
Chronic Fatigue = Flared with a vengeance.  Bring on the Red Bull!
Psoraisis = Flared under my arms and on my scalp so am occasionally itching in a monkey-like fashion.  I'm sure this appears odd though amusing to anyone watching.

Other news:
I have joined a gym, Curves to be precise.  Enjoying it, surprisingly, and after less than two weeks am already seeing benefits.
Will be in the nation's capital, Canberra, for the weekend.  Heading down for a housewarming, but also to have a look at some (what I would call) touristy places, moreso the Australian War Memorial, and Lake Burley Griffin.
Also finally finished a project yesterday that I've been working on for nearly 18 months.  No photos or descriptions as it is a present for some friends and they may read this before they get it.  Photos will ensue soon.

Hope everyone is well and that the old hag is behaving for you all.

Still alive, I promise.

Skip an update, 'cause I forget my weight from the other week, and here's this one. 87.3 kilos, so yay!

Saw the dietician last Thursday, and all's going good. I'm allowed to start reintroducing foods as I see fit, I've just got to remember that fatty foods will make me fat again, etc, etc.

Went tenpin bowling on Friday arvo. Lost all three games, which was a little disappointing, though I think in the end I've still won. Lovely first date with a certain someone, so despite it taking a few days to get over the "Oh God there are muscles I haven't used in forever!" pain, I'm still grinning like a mad woman. Knowing that there's a second one lined up makes that grin even bigger.

Anyways. I'm off to brush the dust off the cross trainer and try to do something on that, I've not been able to make myself go near it the last few days so I've got some making up to do.

Sue Shepherd is a legend!!!

91 kilos! Yet another battle won, however minor it is. I don't enjoy the dizziness and the nausea from the lack of food, but it's worth it for this sort of weight loss. At this point I may still reach my goal by Christmas, which would just be amazing.

In other news, Dr Sue Shepherd is a legend. She's an Australian dietician who happens to have Coeliacs, and who happens to have written a few cook books as well as a guide to what to buy at the shops that's edible. Her books cater for Coeliacs, Fructose Malabsorption (smancy name for what I've supposedly got), IBS and various other bits and pieces. Seriously, books are fantastic, recipes great (see future posts for more! :D ) and just generally I feel so much better knowing that despite the two or three shelves of cookbooks I own now being practically useless for me, I have some now that I can use.

Anyone who is interested/can get there, there's a Gluten Free expo (also going over other things like the fructose stuff from what I can gather) on in Sydney in November on Saturday the 14th and Sunday the 15th, Sue Shepherd is also going to be there. I'm also under the impression that Tobie Puttock (chef who is awesome) will be there too, and both are giving presentations/demonstrations. Link for more info: http://www.glutenfreefoodshow.com.au/index.html

Crohn's wise, things have greatly improved since going on the low fructose diet. I hate not being able to have onion, and not being allowed to have fruit juice, but it is nice only having an episode or two every four or so days instead of many episodes every day. It might make things easier to work out when I'm flaring too, as opposed to pooping liquid all the time.

Thoroughly enjoying having time off from work. It's just nice waking up in the morning and knowing I don't have the stress of the daily drag in front of me, adding to my worries, and it really is nice to be able to go to sleep not worrying about what's left to do, and what needs doing when and blah blah blah..... *sigh* Just nice.

Anyway. I think I'm blogged out for now. More later though, with shiny pictures too!

Well damn.

94.6 kilos. What the fuck?

Bought cross trainer. Used cross trainer. Used weights. Ate mostly sensibly (which is a change). What went wrong? :'(

Another tired post

Damn it's hard being selfish. I gave my two weeks notice about a few hours ago, and it's one of the hardest conscious decisions I've had to make in recent memory. But the decision needed making so it got made.

Went and saw the GI on Monday arvo. Also dropped down to 7.5mg of Pred on Monday morning, so haven't got far to go. Unfortunately my inflammatory markers are heading back up, and my iron's a bit low, so yeah. *sad face* I did mention that I really don't want to go back on the Pred as it does special things to me that I don't like, and the doctor agreed, so I suppose that's something. Also got a script for Imodium ($23 for 100 tablets as opposed to $15 for 12? I think yes!) with five repeats, and a referral for a dietitian, so hopefully I can start getting some help with shedding the Pred pounds.

Am heading to the shops this afternoon after work, hopefully with mum in tow, to have another look at a cross trainer, with the hopes of buying it. Get the fun of putting it together like a giant mechano set and then have the fun of playing with it. Yay! :)

Also, was bit naughty today and had one of the new McDonalds Grand Angus burgers, and damn it was good. Really nice sour dough, and the salad was yummy, but the meat was a little dry. I did however limit myself to just the burger, so was good in that regard.

Very tired right now. Had the whole insomnia gig again last night (bang on two o'clock too), and this morning's coffee's long worn off. Trying some Zero to get the caffeine into the veins again. Hopefully it'll work.

Here, have a blog.

Hmmm.... I shouldn't post when tired. *shrug* Eh. Anyway. Onwards to a logical post.

Weight this morning is 93.1. Weight is being lost, therefore I am currently winning. The old hag and the Pred are losing. That's all that's important there.

Plans mentioned yesterday involve cracking down on a few areas of my life. No really, I can. I can be hard on myself when I have to be, I just don't like it very much.

Weight needs to be cracked down on. I can't expect to balloon then still be healthy. I wasn't healthy before, and if I'm going to drop dead all of a sudden, I'm stuffed if it's going to be because I'm fat from the Pred. Weights, stepper, rower, cha-cha'ing. And when pay day rocks around I've got my eye on a cross trainer. Am storing the info in a spreadsheet and it automatically graphs it for me. Gotta make the pretty little line go downhill! :D Also tracking the exercise with it too. Will maybe try and rig it up so it tells me when I've done a certain amount of calories or something and that I deserve a book as a result. :)

Money is being tightened. Spare change goes in the beer fund jar (which when full gets taken to the bank and deposited again). Things get queried whether they are a necessity or a luxury. Sales are friends, but only if needed. Fish will be looked after, but no longer spoilt rotten.

Doing things for me now too. Stuff the rest of the world, I'm sure it's capable of looking after itself for a while, surely it doesn't need me to baby sit it. I'm tired of doing things just to keep the peace, despite being stressed and tired and utterly miserable as a result. If it only effects me, then it's my choice, damnit! Me! Me me me! Time to be selfish. If only for a little while.

Ahem. In other news, see the GI tomorrow. A week earlier than I was meant to (the receptionist gave me a date a week early and I've only picked up on it in the past few days), but need to talk to him anyway. Need to see if he can recommend a dietitian, and need to speak to him about the cramps in my legs/feet.

Planning, scheming, etc...

I seem to be spending a lot of my weekends of late away from home. Had a rather nice day today, spent about ten hours behind the wheel, went many places, fell in love with many places (Enter stage left Murrurundi and Quirindi). Feel much better for having the day away. My head's in a slighter better place, and an overall plan of action is taking place. Health, work, life.... All have plans now, just need kickstarting.

Exercise is happening. Have found a song on my playlist that is perfect for the weights, and I've found another one that can be cha-cha'd to. I've got my motivation, but because I'm still very self conscious I won't be sharing my plans for that, at least not for a while. But I'm working on that (the self consciousness that is), in yet another plan. Have also working out my fish stop staring at me when I respond with "Yes, mummy is fat, yes mummy is wobbling, and yes mummy is dancing". They quickly hide. :P But at least saying that lets me laugh at myself.

KFC sends the Crohn's to hell in a handbasket. Seriously, it is the devil if such a character exists. EVIL STUFF!!! Not good to get what I'll now label as KFC Pains when doing 100 clicks an hour and the sides of the road are gravel. Contained agony long enough to slow down to pull safely off the road then bite knuckles in pain for the next few minutes until it subsides. Seriously, it's not food, it's just the devil.

Anyhoo. I'm off to get my weekly dose of British drama (aka The Bill - best medicine I know!) then sleep.

Shakes and strawberries and fish, oh my!

Well damnit. Am attempting to lose the weight, as I've possibly made mention of a few times (or more than a few). Late December last year to Feb/March this year I was doing some shakes for breakkie and/or lunch. They were good, tasted nice, filled me up, started losing weight, yada yada yada.... (Celebrity Slim for anyone wondering) Sadly now, they're one of my biggest triggers for having a shitty day. Pun intended. So I have a drawer full of shakes that I pretty much can't use unless I want to dope myself up on Imodium (which is a God, all hail the mighty Imodium, bow down and offer your sacrifices...). Am exercising a bit though. And cutting back a lot on the junk food. Weights, crunches, and the stepper (could use a phone book, but have a smancy thing designed specifically for stepping on).....

Have discovered however that the old hag doesn't mind strawberries. Which is lovely, because I adore strawberries. Also have either tangerines or tangelos (bought them this morning, can't remember which they are) to try with it. Here's to hoping!

My little black moor has spots again, poor bugger. Meanwhile, he's proving himself to be the stubborn guts of the tank. I have different food for the catfish and the goldfish, so what does the black moor do? Eats the goldfish food, then hunts for the catfish food, finds it, and starts gorging himself on it, and ignoring me when I bash against the tank in an effort to get him to leave it alone. S'pose he takes after his owner a bit there... :)

My head's in an icky place lately. Home, work, being sick, just everything is getting on top of me. Trying to sort it out, currently failing epically.

Oh! Also! Do not try to beat up your work desk! Not only will it win that fight, but it will leave pretty colours on your knuckles. I may or may not know this from experience now... Colours include blue, black, purple and red. Still waiting for the yellow and green. :)

And I think I forgot to mention, finished the Twilight saga. Worth reading, even if it is just to laugh at the sparkly vampires. :D Gave it a five out of ten, mainly for the readability/page turner aspect of it. Good way to fill up your spare time for a few weeks.

*witty blog title goes here*

Was thinking about updating this yesterday but I had a wonderful temper and even the Internet didn't deserve to have that thrown at it.

Monday I set the new fish tank up at work. The fish (and the snail) seem to be thoroughly enjoying the extra room, the filter and the light. Mind, the water also went bright green when I added a multi cure thing to it. Sadly my little black moore has a white fungusy spot on his side, so I'm trying to get rid of it for him. Doesn't seem to be bothering him too much, but I figure he'd rather be healthy.
Was also right in the fact that I couldn't really move on Monday, though not quite in the way I expected. I could actually feel my arms, it was my upper back and shoulders that got angry at me about the boxing. Best way to shut that up? Do it again! :) Sore, but fun.

Yesterday I dropped the amount of Prednisone again. Down to 25mg a day, so I'm happy. Once I'm off it I swear I'm never going on it again. Evil stuff. Evil I tell you!
Was still a bit achey yesterday, but not as bad as Monday. Ended up in a right temper when I got home so beat the crap out of the Wii's boxing bag. Many times. It felt good. I'd get to the end of the thing and go "Am I calm yet?". If the answer was no, I continued beating things up. Focusing on the timing of things (perfect timing gets double points) takes my mind off things.

Funnily enough, I'm not sore today. Yay! One thing I want to say: coffee is a God. Really. Particularly nice, strong coffee. Wakes me up, takes away the hungry. Magic stuff.

Making a few decisions recently too.

Going to try drinking a bit less. Not that I drink excessively or anything, maybe three or four drinks a week, but it couldn't hurt to try a little bit less. Also going to just stick to cheap wine I think. Sadly, despite my love of Bundy, it's a little too expensive, even when it's on sale. Lucky I like wine. :)

Trying to cut my spending too. I have an annoying habit of trawling the shops in my spare time, and I haven't quite got the concept of "window shopping" worked out. Sadly am the "have money, will spend" type.
So. My saving money ideas involve:
- Staying the hell away from the shops. Unless of course I actually need something. And then it might just be safer to give someone the money and send them. No impulse buys that way.
- Bring lunch from home. And avoid the vending machine at work. This also works in with my losing weight plan because my lunch from home currently consists of shakes (yummy ones), and morning tea is a banana. The shakes work out at $3.50 each, and my parents buy the bananas, so it's a heck load cheaper than buying food every day.
- Exercising more. Again, works in with the weight loss stuff too, but I figure the more time I spend doing exercise, the less time I have to spend money. Also, walking can save on fuel money.
- Taking more photos. A/it's something to do, B/it's something I enjoy and need to spend more time doing, and C/it's again following the theory of the more time I spend doing that, the less time I have to spend money.

As mentioned above, am also attempting to shed the weight. Am eating less, and eating a bit better, and also working out a bit. Hopefully this will work. I'm being a bit harder on myself than usual too, and making myself do stuff when usually I'd go, nah, I'm too tired or too sore. The above mentioned boxing on the Wii seems to be maybe helping some of the joint issues, albeit only when I'm doing it, though it does seem to play up a bit with my right hip. Mind, it's always sore now, so it can't hurt to do it.

I'm looking at gaining my independence too in about six months, hence the mad saving and lack of spending. I'm tired of having to rely on everyone, and quite honestly I need my own space too. Things are starting to pick up a bit at work which is nice, and while family can be lovely, sometimes (a lot of the time) a little bit can go a veeeery long way. So, the caravan park/relocatable home place across the road from work is starting to look very tempting. Okay, so the places are small, and there'd be strata fees, but looking at it they're about the only downsides, if they can be called downsides.
The positives?
- Saving money on fuel (at least $20 per week) by walking out the driveway, across the road and into work's driveway.
- Strata covers grounds maintenance, pool, tennis court and I think bbq area and security shuttle bus. Therefore, I don't have to do a thing maintenance wise and yet get to use these things. Yay!
- Smallish two bedroom place means less cleaning than a large place.
- Smallish two bedroom place is still bigger than teeny tiny shoebox of a bedroom.
- Owning, not renting.
- Freedom/independence from family.
- Freedom/independence in general
- Able to fill the need to decorate a house. Seriously, I don't get clucky for babies, I get clucky for a house and decorating it.
- Neighbours being close enough (and possibly nosey enough :P) that if something goes wrong they'll hopefully notice and be able to help.
- Neighbours being close enough that jumpy old me will feel a bit more secure.

Okay, so there's bills and rates and such. I get that, I expect that. I'm allowing for that. I also know there are going to be days where I can't really do much because of the Crohn's or the arthritis. But you know what? That's why freezers, microwaves and cooking in advance were invented. And being so close to work I could possibly last longer on my bad days, knowing that I just have to waddle back across the road as opposed to trying to manage a car with bad joints, and also the traffic.

So um.... yeah. That's about all I had to blurt out, I think. Maybe....? :)

Oh! That's what else. Carrot cake? Doesn't go so good with the gut. :(

Weighty issues....

So I went to work on Friday. And I actually worked a bit extra too. Just some work for a customer that needs doing rather quickly so yeah. Extra time got done. Doesn't worry me, I offered to do it, and it'll make up maybe a little bit of the time I've had off with my hands. Also decided on Friday night that if I was well on Saturday I'd go for a drive (Dad wasn't feeling up to going to Sydney for the symposium).

Saturday I was woken up by a shite of a cramp in my right leg. Bitch! I need that leg for driving! Let it calm down, massaged it a bit, then crawled out of bed to see if I could walk. Walking was doable, so I packed me, the camera, the Imodium, and the two rolls of loo paper into the car and off I went. Stopped for breakfast and was about to go again when I got a phone call from a really good friend. Just to chat, but it was fantastic to hear from him. He has a bad habit of calling once I've already gone to bed, and my phone's usually on silent anyway. Set off again and started enjoying the day even more. That lasted maybe another hour until the cold symptoms kicked in (again!). They just won't go away. Kept going, and took one of my usual drives through the Hunter Valley.

I love that place. I was raised there. It's home. And there's usually a very strong pull at the heart strings to go there and stay there. It was missing yesterday. Something wasn't right. It was still a very pretty drive through the country (what I remember of it, I slipped into auto pilot because of the cold), but it didn't tug the heart strings, and that makes me a little sad. For years, despite not living there anymore, it's been the place I go to to think and to calm down when I'm stressed or angry or upset. And I always feel free and safe and welcome there. But I just wasn't getting that yesterday. It was just another place, with no meaning. I'm not so much sad that the feeling is gone, it's just I've always viewed myself as belonging there because of that feeling. With the feeling gone, I guess I don't really belong there anymore, which is fine, but what bugs me is where do I belong then? If I'm not still the country kid at heart, then who am I? I know I'm a little lost right now, but that's about it. Maybe I need to start creating the person I want to be. I dunno. Random thoughts that probably don't make sense. Eh.

I've thought recently that my stretch marks have been a little bit painful. Stinging, burning, that kinda thing. Last night I discovered that yes indeed they have been painful, and there's a reason. They're actually splitting open. Well, at least one has. Just a small split, but enough to bleed. I've fattened up at a rate where I am actually splitting my skin. Embarassing much? So the crash exercise/eating regime has begun (again. For the gazillionth time.) today. As a result, I got to weight myself on the Wii. When I first bought that, I entered that I wanted to lose 10 kilos. Instead I have managed to gain more than that. I'm now up to 91.5 kilos. A kilo a week gained. And it takes me a month to lose a kilo. I'm a year behind where I wanted to be. Actually, more than that, but hey. Hopefully if I hit things hard I can speed that up a bit. And coming off the Pred is now a big issue. I can't stay on a med that is essentially causing me to split myself at the seams. Glad in a way for that arthritis now.....

Today, woken up by fecking birds. They're the nuisance Minahs, and they insist on tapdancing on the tin roof under my window and squawking as loud as possible. Then they repeat the process on my window sill. Bastards. I needed sleep! Dragged out of bed, wandered around some shops, exercised on the Wii, wandered around some more shops and came home again in pain. The muscle in my leg that cramped yesterday is being a bitch and is all tight and sore. As a result it's making me walk funny, and thus my knees and hips have given out, and my back's following suit. And I can't really do much more in the intended line of exercise now either. :(

Am also tired as all buggery. Despite it only being 2:30 in the arvo, it feels like I should have been asleep for the past few hours. It really feels so much later. *sigh* And I have to drag out of bed for work in the morning. Bah. I just need a few days where I can sleep for as long as I need to, not how long is dictated by the alarm, or my screwed up body, or the damned birds! Never mind. Coffee is a god. :)

And now off to write pretty brightly coloured motivational signs telling me "Don't eat bad foods!" and "Don't give up now!". ........Yes, I seriously am going to do that. Splitting your skin is scary stuff people! It calls for drastic measures! :D