Long Time No See...

Well it's been a while.  Things have been pretty good, until the last few weeks at least, so I guess that's why I'm back in the blog-o-sphere.  Always thought I'd keep blogging even when things were good.  Guess I didn't after all.  Anyways.

The last year and a bit has been pretty amazing actually.  I've had cold after cold but the Crohn's has been fairly under control, thanks to the wonder drug Humira.  I've had luck at work, I've been on secondment for the last 12 months, and I love the team I'm in.  The people are brilliant, the work is good and the pay is pretty damned sweet.

Today also marks 12 months since I exchanged contracts on my house.  :)  Worked hard, and got pretty much everything I had ever asked for in a house.  A large block, a good house, a good location.  Pretty lucky.

And to top it off a pretty amazing man walked into my life last July.  He's a pillar of strength, and I'm still awed every morning when I wake up and realise it's real, that he is here and it's not just a dream.  And the last few weeks I've needed his shoulders to cry on and he's been unfaltering in his support.

A few weeks ago I was carted off to hospital with chest pains, which thankfully have turned out to not be heart related, but have left a bit of a mystery as to what has caused them.  The last few days that I was off work with the chest pains, I started getting the runs.  With slime.  And blood.  So off to the GI I went.  So far, about the best he can tell me is that it might be a flare.  Might.  The bloods all looked pretty good a while back when I first started feeling bad.  Not sure what they're like at the moment, see the GI again in a bit over a week.  In the meantime I'm on the beloved flagyl.  So of course the stomach pain is worse, the 16 imodium I've had in the last 48 hours has doesn't nothing, the blood and the slime and the gas and the bloating has all gotten worse, and let's not forget the vomiting and nausea.  Bad enough that I'm now off work, unpaid, due to the side effects of the flagyl.  And the GI is insistent that I remain on the flagyl.  At least I don't have the metallic taste in my mouth this time.

The next step is back on the prednisone in addition to the Humira.  I'm dreading it.  When the GI told me that on the phone I had a minor panic attack, for want of better words.  All I could do was sit there and cry and rock for a while.  And all the while I know that that's where I'm going to end up.  The flagyl just isn't working, and I'm so pissed off that the GI is telling me I have to stay on it when all it's doing is resulting in me facing the possibility of not meeting a house repayment.

I feel almost like I'm back at the beginning of Crohn's.  I feel I'm facing the unknown again.  I don't know what's even happening a the moment.  All I know is I'm in pain, mostly made worse by the flagyl.  And the doc won't take me off it until he throws me back on the pred.  And if that doesn't work?  Facing maybe the possibility of surgery.

I dunno.  Just feeling lost, so I guess I'm back here again for a bit.

Might take a holiday, but I guess you won't see the end of me for a while yet.

So after various appointments with the doc and multiple blood tests, he's come to the conclusion that I don't have pancreatitis. Thank the gods for small mercies. Pain had pretty much gone since stopping the meds, but the nausea is still there to a certain degree. Am managing food, but still feel rather off, even after the maxalon. Have to get antoher ultrasound done on Monday morning, which means more time off work, just to confirm that it isn't pancreatitis, even though he's already decided it isn't. Then have to go get yet more blood tests (will be the fourth lot in a week) and poop in a jar to rule out infection. Downside to that is I'm still having the varying swings between constipation and diarrhoea. Fingers crossed I can poop on cue hey?

Very worried about work. Doctor ordered me off work last week, and as I'm a temp/on a contract I had to ring in every day (not to mention not get paid for it). By Friday the boss seemed a little bit on the cold side. Doc seemed to be about to order me off work for the coming week too, until I told him I'd probably lose my job if he did that. Still seems rather not happy with the idea of me being at work, but what can I do about it? It's work now and maybe save my job, or not work now and possibly not work for quite some time, and with no savings, that's just not an option.

Oh, also was mentioned that the doc will try again for Humira seeing as the 6mp failed. Theoretically they can't turn me down, but we'll see. It is the government after all.

Anyway, I'm off to find my anti-spew drugs in an attempt to shut my stomach up. Hope everyone is well.

Dear Old Hag, please go away.

Ah life.  Where would we be without it apart from enjoying ourselves?

Ahem.  I believe I left you just before I started pooping green waterfalls, so I will take it from there.  Spent the evening pooping green waterfalls and was nill by mouth from midnight until the time of my being knocked unconscious and having things shoved in places they should not be shoved.  I had been told to present to the hospital at 9:30 (despite the doc telling me to arrange a time sometime between 7 and 9), and had been booked in for a 10 am time slot.  At about quarter to one a somewhat tired, cold, hungry, thirsty, contankerous and downright unbearable me was finally knocked out.  Usually scenario of farting like a hippo upon waking up in recovery before being wheeled out into the post recovery area to be treated to sprite and sandwiches.  Made from bread.  Made from wheat.  :/  The sprite admittedly was very good.  The sandwiches remained in their packaging.  Also adding to the usual scenario while in recovery was the doctor coming around and talking to me the moment my eyes had fluttered open (and then promptly closed again) under the assumption that open eyes equates to consciousness.  Hate to tell them, but it really doesn't.  Was driven home by mum, ate a rissole and watched Sherlock Holmes (which actually wasn't quite so bad).

Spent a few days afterwards in increasing degrees of agony, ending with me curling up in a ball and having a bit of a cry at work.  Settled down for a few days and seems to be randomly attacking me.  Since the procedure, have seen my doc (5:30 appointment, I got in there about 6, and didn't get out until around 7:30....) and shock horror was told that there's inflamation present in the terminal ileum.  Really?  Inflamation with Crohn's?  Never would have guessed.  On the bright side, to qualify for Humira you have to have a CDAI of over 300.  Even after they'd taken 10 points off me for being fat (I weigh 75kilos, most things say I should weigh around 55, however the thing for Humira says I should weigh 49.  Imagine if they'd seen me when I ballooned at 95!) I still came out at 388.  Application for Humira is submitted!  Only thing the GI's not sure about, is when I was on Imuran, I had to stop taking it because I was getting crappy headaches.  The government recognises headaches as side effects of the drug, however they do not recognise it was a reason to stop taking it (and still being able to qualify for Humira).  GI said he'll try his best anyway though.  Here's to hoping!  If not, the new reumy (who I see tomorrow arvo) seems fairly confident he can get me there with the joint pain.

Oh, and apparently my liver's still erring a little on the stuffed side, so I'm being sent to get an ultrasound done of it.

In non-Crohn's news, am working.  Well, I get up, drive to a place of work, and get paid for the day.  Am however not doing a damned thing, and I'm starting to get tetchy about it.  I want to work so the memories will leave me alone.  Sitting in a chair doing nothing for eight hours a day is not achieving this.  Hopefully, they'll realise fairly soon that they're paying me to do nothing and will give me something to do.  Oh, also don't believe I mentioned that it took the head office two weeks to arrange a computer for me, as a result of HR and IT arguing over who's job it was to issue me with an employee number.  Like the people, like the place.  Just want some work.

Have been attacking more yarn projects (again, can't show here because people who are receiving said things read this blog.  :P) and been thoroughly enjoying my books.  Rather disappointed in the bookshops though, because I've been looking for particular books for some years now, and they've only just got the series in that I want just when I really can't afford it (paying parents back for stuff, various med bills coming in, and saving for bigger stuff).  Cranky aimed at you A&R!

Fish are being fish.  The redcap is now back in the old fish bowl that they were all in originally, however still in isolation.  It became evident that the tank it was in had sprung a small leak and had been slowly leaking since being filled up a few months ago.  Lump on its side is now looking more like a wart than a blister, so I'm fairly sure the poor thing has a tumor as opposed to anything curable.  The other two are going alright, although the tank's green again for a little while, just not sure if the moor has white spots on him (again!).

Oh, will try and throw a link to this up the side somewhere, but for now, have a link to my Deviant Art account.  A lot of my photography goes up there, as well as food and yarn stuff I've made. 

http://lady-dao.deviantart.com/

Stupid Old Hag

Happy birthday to my goldfishies!!!!  :P  Didn't get around to making them a cake, but will as soon as I have the chance/can eat cake again.

Now to non fish news.

Started my new job this Monday.  Week one down!  Struggling a bit, really know nothing about the industry, or the role really, and I still don't understand half the stuff I need to know and the woman who is teaching me the stuff is going away for a possible three months, two at the minimum.  Will soldier on though.  Need the money, need to keep a job.

Also went and saw the new reumatologist Monday arvo.  Took blood test results from the last 12 months as well as the x-rays that the idiot doctor did last year.  Finally, a doctor that can restore a little bit of faith in me.  He rang my GI while I was there, and brought my appointment forward with him to the next day, and they're pushing for the Humira.  Reumy is confident that if the GI can't get it with the Crohn's, he can get it with the joint pain.  Maybe there are gods.....

As mentioned, saw the GI on Tuesday arvo.  I'd had a cold recently, and also stomach pain.  Wasn't sure if it was from the cold, or from damage from the ibuprofen, or from Crohn's.  Stopped taking the nurofen, and hello liquid.  Stomach pain is quite severe sometimes, and everything is going straight through, to the point where recognition of the last meal is incredibly easy.  Food just isn't being digested, and is very obvious as to what it is later on.  Slime is back, and a teeny bit of blood.  It's the pain that's worrying me the most though.  Also have absolutely no appetite.  Only eating to keep everyone else happy really.

This weekend I get to undertake a delightful diet again, only to be knocked out and have things shoved in all sorts of delightful places on Monday.  For those new to my blog, I refer you now to the first or second entry of this blog, one of them details the delights of this and saves me redoing it.

Also been put on Flagyl for a while, just incase all the Crohn's symptoms are not actually the old hag, but an infection instead.  Rather ticked off about this, because the doctor admitted there's a 99.99$ chance it's the Crohn's flaring, but just to be on the safe side, I get to miss out on my stress relief (aka a nice bottle of Bundy rum) for the next week or two.  Bah humbug.

Had blood tests done again the other arvo.  Had to get jabbed three times.  My good vein decided to go to sleep again, so they had to use the other arm, and then they forgot to get some for some particular tests so had to jab me again.  I think they were rather inexperienced 'cause they kept jiggling the needle (probably unintentionally) and so it hurt and bled around the needle while they did it.  Now also have some lovely bruises and track marks on both arms......

Also have to go and get chest xrays to confirm I've not had TB before.  Apparently just some pre-Humira check or something.

Time for a quickie...

I'm alive!  Promise!  Just forgetting to blog/having nothing to really blog about.

Local time it's about 10pm, and I've gotta be up before 6 in the morning so I'll keep it brief and fill in the details some other time.  Also had a few wines, so if the spelling is off/I don't sound normal, that's my excuse.

Crohn's = not killing me, which I'm thankful for.
Fructose = causing problems when I don't avoid high doseages.  It's slightly less forgiving than before.
Arthritis/Arthralga/Joint Pain = Still there occasionally.  Enough to make me whinge and random enough to be annoying.
Chronic Fatigue = Flared with a vengeance.  Bring on the Red Bull!
Psoraisis = Flared under my arms and on my scalp so am occasionally itching in a monkey-like fashion.  I'm sure this appears odd though amusing to anyone watching.

Other news:
I have joined a gym, Curves to be precise.  Enjoying it, surprisingly, and after less than two weeks am already seeing benefits.
Will be in the nation's capital, Canberra, for the weekend.  Heading down for a housewarming, but also to have a look at some (what I would call) touristy places, moreso the Australian War Memorial, and Lake Burley Griffin.
Also finally finished a project yesterday that I've been working on for nearly 18 months.  No photos or descriptions as it is a present for some friends and they may read this before they get it.  Photos will ensue soon.

Hope everyone is well and that the old hag is behaving for you all.

Today's whinge brought to you by....

So I've taken myself off the ibuprofen for my joints in the hope that my stomach wouldn't get any worse.  Have spent today near doubled over in pain and with yellow liquid coming out my butt, along with barely being able to move from joint pain.  Oh, and did I mention I was tired?

Very entirely over chronic illness right now.  I mean heck, I was just starting to look for jobs again too, and now chances are that the GI will say he wants to shove things up my butt and then probably tell me he wants me back on the pred.  What a great way that'll be to start off a new job.

Apologies, I'm not exactly a happy camper.

Alive. Really, I am.

Firstly, hope everyone has been having a great 2010 so far.

Secondly, not dead. :D

Time for an update though. New years was spent at home. Tired, and had some sort of bug/virus thing which just wasn't nice. Think I was asleep by about 10 and woke up about 12:05 to fire crackers going off nearby. Five minutes late guys! Vaguely got over that virus and then felt like I had another coming on, though it's settled down.

Absolutely exhausted of late though, fairly certain it's the chronic fatigue flaring again. Seriously, settle most things down and one flares again. Not quite enough hands to keep pushing them down.

Also slightly worried about the Crohn's. My gut's been sore possibly since about Christmas, though I'm really not sure whether it's the old hag again, the remnants of the virus, or just because I've not really been following the fructose free diet. Also was told last time I saw the GI (brilliant timing with it being just three days before Christmas) that he's going to be testing me for diabetes (again), coeliacs, hepatitis a, b and c, lupus and various other chronic illnesses. This was after he told me "Your liver is looking better.", to which I squeaked "There was something wrong with my liver?". He'd been telling me my bloods were fine, even when I was asking about them, and then he turns round and tells me there's something slightly off with the liver, that it could just be fatty liver from all the weight I put on (that he didn't warn me about), but he'll test me for everything else just in case. Wonderful way to say Merry Christmas, no? Here, merry Christmas, and have some stress.

I'm also considering a second opinion on my joints. It just doesn't seem fair to me that whenever I go there I say, "Blah thing is making my joints hurt worse" (ie, keeping me awake at night, making it difficult to walk or drive, etc) and being met with, "That's nice, do blah and that'll make it better". Blah is the same thing in both sentences, whether that be heat or exercise or whatever the heck it is.

Meanwhile, now that the bitching is out of the way, on to the better stuff.

Jumping back on the job hunt bandwagon, but am also considering whether to stay put with my family or pack up and move, possibly to another state. Partly for the independence, partly just for the heck of it.

Found another Sue Shepherd cookbook today, so will hopefully be attacking recipes out of there soon. It's just so much better when I can pick up a cookbook and know that I've only got to worry about one gut issue (in this case the Crohn's), rather than both.

29 Dec last year, bought a new car. Picked it up on New Years Eve. Shiny showroom-new red Getz. And it's brilliant! Handles the freeways and dirt roads perfectly. Old car was getting just a little old and rattly, and while possibly would have kept going for ages, it needed work and I was looking at getting the new car anyway, so I decided to make the best of some sales. Very happy with it though, and wouldn't trade it for the world right now.

Merry Christmas!

So I'm a little late here, but Merry Christmas to everyone, and hope everyone has a wonderful and safe silly season. :)

Christmas was a little bit down cast with the family this year (Australia = Christmas today). Not only do I have the Crohn's and various other crap (no pun intended), but my brother has disabilities. He's never had seizures before, but last night he had an ever so delightful one that saw two amazing paramedics arrive (seriously, angels, and I can't thank them enough) and cart him off to hospital in an ambulance. He did make it home a few hours later, and so Christmas did happen, it was just scary as shit when it happened (the noises would have been enough alone, not to mention afterwards he couldn't talk or move for a while and didn't remember any of it later) and no one really got much sleep last night as a result. Did discover however in the absence of a lovable human or a pet to curl up with a bawl and howl like a lost, scared child, a childhood teddy bear, a glass of wine and an amusing action flick (enter Mr and Mrs Smith) will suffice for comfort.

In the weight arena, I'm lighter than I was last Christmas which is bloody fantastic in my books (82.2 kilos!). Still a teeny bit of the Pred weight to go, and then I'm back to my old battle with the original weight issues. I'm so sad about the stretch marks that have been a consequence of the meds, particularly as there was no warning, but I suppose there's not a great deal I can do about them.

Last few days have been a bit icky with stomach pain and randomly running through the house trying to find an empty bathroom, which you would assume would be an easy task when there are three in the house. You assumed wrong. Most likely this is a result of going away from the low fructose diet. Been eating waaaaaaay more bread than usual, along with a gazillion other things (like my beloved onion). Looks like I need to watch what I eat. Again. Sigh.

Anyway. As mentioned above, hope everyone has a fantastic Christmas, and a safe and happy New Year (because if you know me, I'll forget to get my sorry white butt back on here before then! :P ).

The usual sort of spiel...

So me and my weight. How's it going? Glad you asked. :P Currently down to 83.2 kilos, which is what I weighed this time last year, before all this Crohn's stuff started (well, at least before I was diagnosed). I do have just under 3 kilos to go however to lose the Pred weight, but that'll come. Have vaguely been watching the story of the guy below, the fitness trainer who became obese and then attempted to lose the weight again to better understand his clients. It make me feel so much better that he struggled too.

http://www.news.com.au/national/paul-james-almost-back-to-his-original-weight/story-e6frfkvr-1225811164362

See? Even perfect people aren't so perfect!

Meanwhile, I've got the cranky pants on with the rhumy. Went and saw him nearly a week ago now, and he basically didn't listen to a word I said. Stuck with his usual story of heat, exercise and massage will fix it, gave me a shot in each shoulder and sent me on my merry way. Shots didn't work and I'm more than a little disgruntled about it. It would have been nice to be in less pain for Christmas and new year, but hey. Obviously that's not going to be the case.

The Crohn's is behaving itself, as best as Crohn's can behave, and the fructose stuff seems to be non existant (I had a self indulgent moment yesterday and had a few slices of garlic bread for lunch. No effects.).

Hold onto your hats ladies and gents, it's an update!

Wow it's been a while since I actually posted something worth writing about, huh?

Well. The old hag is behaving herself (fingers crossed, knocking on wood and praying to every God I believe in!) for now, which is lovely. Have even ventured into the dreaded fructose foods, and guess what? I survived. For now.

In the line of the weight, I yo-yo-ed (that really doesn't look right spelled like that, but it looks more right than any other way I try...) for a few weeks, but I'm down to 84.7 as of yesterday, which is nice. Lost more than 10 kilos (22 pounds), have 1.3 to go to what I was at the beginning of the year, but 4.4 to go until I reach my pre-Crohn's weight. Will be over the moon when I hit that.

And time for an arthritis update. Where I live has been hot. Very hot actually. And with it, the oh so delightful agony of arthritis. So much for using heat to get rid of it. Am saving up the pain, turning it into angry, and will deliver a dose of cranky-pants to the rhumy on Friday when I see him. In, of course, the most polite way posible. Just very fed up with doping myself to the eyeballs on Nurofen every day (which I'm not supposed to take because of the Ibuprofen), and still being in a rather high degree of pain (say 9/10 instead of 10/10). Needs fixing. Pronto.

Am trying to enjoy my time off work, and have just started redecorating my room. Been busy sanding some timber for some shelves today, and threw the first coat of paint on. Absolutely love the colour, and am so happy that it's come out exactly as on the sample chip. Second coat should go on tomorrow, and hopefully put them up in the next week or so. There's also curtains to be made (bought the fabric yesterday for somewhat of a bargain), but they'll have to wait until after Christmas before I can tackle them. Should also be enough to make a cushion cover or two out of the leftover fabric. Am really enjoying the prospect of my shoebox looking a little nicer. :)

Didn't end up making it to Sydney for the Gluten Free expo. If anyone who reads this did make it, could you let me know if it's worth going next year?

Umm...... Anyway, I think that's really it. Finally something to write about huh? Now off to clean the shoebox before it's time to put those shelves up.

Always look on the bright side of life (sing it with me!)

And now that I have that stuck in your head, on with a post! :D

So weight wise I had a bad week. In general I had a bad week. Ditched for reasons I can't fathom, sick, best mate moving to another state.... I put on half a kilo. Blergh. Must do better. Have gone back above the dreaded line I've been keeping under, and it'll take work to get back under it again.

In Crohn's news...... I'M OFF THE PRED!!!!!!!!! Dancing and jumping about like a five year old occurs! And about bloody time with that too. Took my last milligram of it yesterday, and I pity the poor fool who tries to put me back on it one day. Hopefully though if I ever need anything to stop the guts being stupid they'll have something else I can have instead. Still on the Salofalk for maintenance, but seeing as I can't really determine any side effects of that, I'm happy enough to stay on it for now.

Have been venturing into the realm of gluten free (as most gluten free stuff is wheat free, thus fructose free, thus my guts can deal with it) recently. Orgran (brand of food) is awesome, as is the Woolworths brand FreeFrom. FreeFrom have cake mixes and pizza base mixes, while Orgran just seems to have everything. :) Made a cake the other day, just to see how it came out, and really, it tasted damn similar to a cake I used to make from scratch, so not bad for a packet mix, and pretty darn good for gluten free. At some point, I promise, I will get photos of said cake and possibly other cooking ventures up here.

Am in quite a degree of pain right now, my gut is giving me hell. Went to an open day at a lapidary club (jewellry making and stone cutting/polishing type stuff), and they had a sausage sizzle. Stupid got a sausage sandwich. On bread. With onion. Stupid is currently paying for it, with what feels like my life (I will live, I assure you).

Have a job application in with a company only a street or two away (walking distance on a good day). It's for an office administrator. Half of me wants the job. Close to home, and even if I chose to move out soon it'll be an area I know. Half of me doesn't want it. That half is itching to move interstate (yes, same state as above mentioned friend). Have been wanting to go for a few years, now may well be my opportunity. *shrug* Will keep the world posted, though really, I'm sure my blatherings about moving and jobs are boring.....

Oh yeah, and I've been going to bed and waking up with rotten headaches the past few days. Aches and pains, and general illness means I'm a whingy whiney brat, but hey. I think we're all entitled to those days when we feel up to crap.

Sue Shepherd is a legend!!!

91 kilos! Yet another battle won, however minor it is. I don't enjoy the dizziness and the nausea from the lack of food, but it's worth it for this sort of weight loss. At this point I may still reach my goal by Christmas, which would just be amazing.

In other news, Dr Sue Shepherd is a legend. She's an Australian dietician who happens to have Coeliacs, and who happens to have written a few cook books as well as a guide to what to buy at the shops that's edible. Her books cater for Coeliacs, Fructose Malabsorption (smancy name for what I've supposedly got), IBS and various other bits and pieces. Seriously, books are fantastic, recipes great (see future posts for more! :D ) and just generally I feel so much better knowing that despite the two or three shelves of cookbooks I own now being practically useless for me, I have some now that I can use.

Anyone who is interested/can get there, there's a Gluten Free expo (also going over other things like the fructose stuff from what I can gather) on in Sydney in November on Saturday the 14th and Sunday the 15th, Sue Shepherd is also going to be there. I'm also under the impression that Tobie Puttock (chef who is awesome) will be there too, and both are giving presentations/demonstrations. Link for more info: http://www.glutenfreefoodshow.com.au/index.html

Crohn's wise, things have greatly improved since going on the low fructose diet. I hate not being able to have onion, and not being allowed to have fruit juice, but it is nice only having an episode or two every four or so days instead of many episodes every day. It might make things easier to work out when I'm flaring too, as opposed to pooping liquid all the time.

Thoroughly enjoying having time off from work. It's just nice waking up in the morning and knowing I don't have the stress of the daily drag in front of me, adding to my worries, and it really is nice to be able to go to sleep not worrying about what's left to do, and what needs doing when and blah blah blah..... *sigh* Just nice.

Anyway. I think I'm blogged out for now. More later though, with shiny pictures too!

Random bits and pieces

Ha! 94.2 kilos! Take that old hag! I'm winning! Nyah! Ahem. Maturity? What's that? *whistles innocently* Still a long way from healthy, but I'll get there. Speaking of healthy (or lack thereof), have been utterly exhausted since last Sunday, so eight days now, and continually nauseous. Rather problematic. Difficult sometimes to work out which end to aim at the toilet. *shrug* Hopefully it'll blow over.

Caught up with a friend today and exchanged birthday presents (both of us ever so slightly late with that :D), along with our usual arm long list of health complaints (black market Bodies-R-Us coming to a shadowy alley near you!).

My hair is finally to about the length I'd wanted it cut to six months ago. Still cranky at the hairdresser who butchered it though.....

And it's so damn hot! Not fair when you've ballooned to the point where nothing apart from track pants and jumpers fit you.

The Time Traveler's Wife is an awesome book. If you haven't read it, I suggest you do. Nicely written, nice story, original (in my opinion) idea.... Go read it!

Crohn's wise, I'm down to 4mg of Pred as of this morning, going down by 1mg per fortnight, theoretically only if I feel okay with it. Stuff that, I'm coming off that stuff no matter what. I will not stay on Pred.

Arthritis wise, apparently there's a pocket of fluid stuff between your joints and muscles, and apparently that pocket thing is screwy in my hips, thus continuing on to my knees and ankles. I do wish they'd make up their mind. Also, my knees are a little bit screwy in their own sense, ie they bend the wrong way as well as the right way. Only a little bit, but enough to be screwy. Don't need to see the rhumy again until December, which is nice, even if it is just to save me a bit of money.

Now pardon me while I go puke. :(

Here, have a blog.

Hmmm.... I shouldn't post when tired. *shrug* Eh. Anyway. Onwards to a logical post.

Weight this morning is 93.1. Weight is being lost, therefore I am currently winning. The old hag and the Pred are losing. That's all that's important there.

Plans mentioned yesterday involve cracking down on a few areas of my life. No really, I can. I can be hard on myself when I have to be, I just don't like it very much.

Weight needs to be cracked down on. I can't expect to balloon then still be healthy. I wasn't healthy before, and if I'm going to drop dead all of a sudden, I'm stuffed if it's going to be because I'm fat from the Pred. Weights, stepper, rower, cha-cha'ing. And when pay day rocks around I've got my eye on a cross trainer. Am storing the info in a spreadsheet and it automatically graphs it for me. Gotta make the pretty little line go downhill! :D Also tracking the exercise with it too. Will maybe try and rig it up so it tells me when I've done a certain amount of calories or something and that I deserve a book as a result. :)

Money is being tightened. Spare change goes in the beer fund jar (which when full gets taken to the bank and deposited again). Things get queried whether they are a necessity or a luxury. Sales are friends, but only if needed. Fish will be looked after, but no longer spoilt rotten.

Doing things for me now too. Stuff the rest of the world, I'm sure it's capable of looking after itself for a while, surely it doesn't need me to baby sit it. I'm tired of doing things just to keep the peace, despite being stressed and tired and utterly miserable as a result. If it only effects me, then it's my choice, damnit! Me! Me me me! Time to be selfish. If only for a little while.

Ahem. In other news, see the GI tomorrow. A week earlier than I was meant to (the receptionist gave me a date a week early and I've only picked up on it in the past few days), but need to talk to him anyway. Need to see if he can recommend a dietitian, and need to speak to him about the cramps in my legs/feet.

Planning, scheming, etc...

I seem to be spending a lot of my weekends of late away from home. Had a rather nice day today, spent about ten hours behind the wheel, went many places, fell in love with many places (Enter stage left Murrurundi and Quirindi). Feel much better for having the day away. My head's in a slighter better place, and an overall plan of action is taking place. Health, work, life.... All have plans now, just need kickstarting.

Exercise is happening. Have found a song on my playlist that is perfect for the weights, and I've found another one that can be cha-cha'd to. I've got my motivation, but because I'm still very self conscious I won't be sharing my plans for that, at least not for a while. But I'm working on that (the self consciousness that is), in yet another plan. Have also working out my fish stop staring at me when I respond with "Yes, mummy is fat, yes mummy is wobbling, and yes mummy is dancing". They quickly hide. :P But at least saying that lets me laugh at myself.

KFC sends the Crohn's to hell in a handbasket. Seriously, it is the devil if such a character exists. EVIL STUFF!!! Not good to get what I'll now label as KFC Pains when doing 100 clicks an hour and the sides of the road are gravel. Contained agony long enough to slow down to pull safely off the road then bite knuckles in pain for the next few minutes until it subsides. Seriously, it's not food, it's just the devil.

Anyhoo. I'm off to get my weekly dose of British drama (aka The Bill - best medicine I know!) then sleep.

Pain (AKA She learns how to put pictures in!)

Hmm..... So. Went and saw the rhumy yesterday. On the plus side? He wants to interfere with the Pred 'cause he wants me off it. This is a good thing. If he hadn't interefered I'd be sitting at 15mg for the next few weeks, which is better than 40mg, but not as good as none. Instead I'm backing down by 2.5mg per week until I'm down to 5mg and we go from there. On the downside? He's suddenly decided that I don't have inflamitory arthritis, despite the x-ray proof, and his previous opinions, and oh, I don't know, the excruciating pain. So. Not only do painkillers not make an appearance, it now seems like he won't be pushing for the humira or infliximab. Bad. Very bad. Because the GI wants me on one for the Crohn's so it doesn't get bad again, but because of all the hoops, we can't get it for the Crohn's. He was relying on the rhumy getting it for me for the arthritis. So was I. Won't go into the temper tantrums, but let's just say it was better I wait a day to post than post straight after I got home.

Also a bit mentioned about sleep and pain and vicious cycles. Oh, and the warmth and massage and exercise to help with the pain. *dumb look goes here* Sure, I don't want drugs if I don't need them, but fuck me, how much pain do I need to be in and how messed up do I have to be for somebody to damn well do something?

I'm just so tired of nearly getting my head around something and then have everything change.

My fish are being cute, as usual. Them, and a glass of scotch and coke settles me. I still get lost in watching them. I swear, I'll glance at the tank and then ten minutes later realise that the quick glance has turned into a ten minute staring contest. With fish. :D

Here are said fish and fishtank
(finally learnt how to put pictures in too!).


Above is one of the cute baby catfish.
Find him! I dare you! :)


And my all too cute black moor, all cured now. :D

Yay!

Yay! Went to see the GI yesterday arvo after work, and I'm down to 15mg of Pred a day now. Yay! Happy dance for me though? My joints have decided that they hate me today (again/as usual). Was also told unfortunately that there's no chance of me qualifying for humira/infliximab with the Crohn's alone, so the GI's hopeful that the rhumy can get one or the other (most likely infliximab) for me with the arthritis. See him on Friday, so I'm hoping the ball can start rolling then. I'm getting fed up with the pain, and I'd very much like to come off the Pred completely, but the GI's hesitant to do that until I'm on something else (so much for not wanting to turn me into a druggie...).

Yeah..... Nothing new really apart from that. Other than I'm glad I took the sleeping tablets last night. Still woke up heaps and didn't really sleep that well, but I think I would have only had about two hours again if I hadn't taken them.

Big red buttons...

So my finger is creeping all the more closer towards that giant red button with the word PANIC written on it in bold. Seriously, it's a matter of millimetres.

Still in pain today (whole shebang), but not quite as bad as over the weekend, so I've dragged myself in to work. Find out this morning that my boss (who's ironically enough off with a bad neck, hope he gets better) resigned last week. This bothers/worries me to a fair degree. I still know nothing about the industry I work in, and I rely heavily on him half the time to tell me what things are and how to do things. I'm a little worried that I'll look completely stupid once he's gone (in two weeks) as opposed to just slightly stupid. Then there's the Crohn's. He's been utterly fantastic with it. And the arthritis. Once he's gone I don't know how everyone else will deal with it.

Originally I remember I didn't enjoy this job. And then I got to know the people, and some of the people we deal with, and vaguely I'm getting to know what things are and what to expect. But really......

Pros of staying:
-Comfortable with people
-Easy with the Crohn's
-It's money

Pros of leaving:
-Can go on a holiday
-Can take some time to get fit(ter than I am now)
-Can take some time to get my head around things (I needed to do this months ago)
-Can (definitely) get a job that pays more
-Can (most likely) get a job closer to home (less money on transport, more money to save)
-Won't get stuck with a company that's going under
-Possibly better places for the Crohn's/arthritis
-Meet new people

Umm..... Actually not too sure why I'm still here, truth be told, looking at the above pros and cons. I think it's time I polish up the resume and push the big red panic button.

In other news.... Umm.... Not having a melt down today? Yet? Apart from the above stuff that is.

Am halfway through Breaking Dawn (last in the Twilight saga). Still enjoying it. Also managed to finish watching the Twilight movie. Definitely a case of don't judge a book by it's movie, but I suppose not entirely bad. Love Bella's Lullaby from it, plus the piano scene it's in. Otherwise I think I may be slightly indifferent to it.

My little black fish is nearly better. I think I'll be able to stop turning the water bright green in a few days. Am looking at getting a catfish for the tank too. Should help keep it cleaner. Mind, I'm getting used to cleaning it every second or third day (a little too often perhaps, but hey). Forgot to mention that I did manage to drag myself out on the weekend to a few fish shops. One of them is fantastic with the range in particular, including Nemo fish, and lion/scorpion fish, and starfish..... And they had huge tanks too which makes me itch even more to have a place of my own.

Erm.... Coffee tastes yucky without milk.

Also, Crohn's stuff..... Either chicken volevants (have no idea how to spell that) or apricot chicken severely disagree with me (even though I've previously said that apricot chicken goes okay). So sadly and with much regret, they both get added to the blacklist.

...blergle.

Help.

There. I said it. Help me, damnit!

Pain. Was meant to have a short week at work last week, with it being slow and all, but was offered the chance to go and play in stores (rather than my normal office work) on Thursday and Friday. It's an opportunity I relish because the day just goes so much faster, and it's something different, and I would have been paid for it as opposed to taking holiday leave or taking the days unpaid. Thursday, got up and got ready for work. Knees, hips and back had other plans. Ended up taking both Thursday and Friday off, and instead of getting better everything is just getting worse. Pain inventory stands at; neck, back (lower and upper), elbows, wrists, fingers, hips, knees, ankles. And throw in a headache for good measure.

Crohn's. I feel like I'm preparing for a colonoscopy. Damn, even the picoprep didn't quite work as effectively as whatever it is that's making me poop. Thought things would improve when I came off the antibiotics. Sure, no slime, and there's no blood, but hello waterfall from my butt! Yes, I know, way too descriptive, but at the present second I really don't care.

Continually on the verge of crying lately too, and I don't think I can blame the Pred for that, seeing as I'm easing off it. I'm stressing about random crap too. There's a lot of stuff going on lately that I just don't want to deal with, or would like someone to help me deal with it, and it's just not happening. Feeling muchly like I'm losing it. Just so many things that I shouldn't be crying over and yet it happens.

So yeah. Somebody? Please? Teeny bit of help? Just maybe before I turn into a complete basket case? So fed up with the pain, and the inconveniences, and not being me anymore.

Awake? Maybe...

Mmmm coffee...... Swear I'll wake up soon. :)

So. As of last Thursday we're back down to three day weeks at work. Wish things would pick up again. Sure it's nice having a four day weekend, but I place a higher value on the money I'd otherwise be earning. Eh. As a result of the three day weeks again, and telling the parents about it, my fish (and the snail!) are now at home. :D Battle has been won. The war, however, continues. When I said about the three day weeks, mum suggested I might need to bring the fish home. Dad grumbled, but really, there wasn't all that much he could whinge about. So Monday arvo I drove them home, cringing every time I heard the swishing of water. Got them home and possibly because of a combination of the very little water I'd left in the tank and the whole moving gig, they sat there glaring at me refusing to move until I topped up their tank and turned it green again. They seemed happier then. White spots are shrinking a little which is a good sign. :)

Friday was spent sleeping in, shopping and reading. See, some of my friends have started up this book club thing, and they've invited me along. The book/series they're discussing at the next meet up is the Twilight saga. Up until Friday I had been avoiding everything to do with Twilight like the plague. I mean come on! My idea of vampires sticks very closely to the Bram Stoker/Anne Rice style. Meyer on the other hand....... Sparkling vampires? *shrug* Anyway. Thought, what the heck, and went and bought Twilight and started reading it once I got home. A few hours later I dragged myself somewhat reluctantly from it for dinner. Twilight was finished by Sunday morning (which is somewhat faster than I generally read). I now also own the rest of the books (am halfway through New Moon, spoilers for any of the books and I will not be a happy camper) as well as the dvd of Twilight. So I guess you could say that yes, I've jumped on the Twilight fandom band wagon. Though, I am not hopelessly in love with Edward. See, everytime I read or hear that name, I think of either Mr Ed (as in the talking horse) or Ed the loopy hyena from The Lion King, so you could possibly understand that I can't keep a straight face while reading. :D I am rather enjoying the books though, especially seeing as I was never going to so much as touch them.

Anyhoo. Saturday saw me bugger off to Sydney, just for the drive. Made it there, had lunch, came home. Half way home the dizzy and the nausea kicked in, so it made travelling at 110/hr and staying in one lane quite a challenge. Got back home(ish) and went to a coffee shop in dire need of coffee. Revived myself, then wandered to the new liquor store and bought Bundy and some random scotch that was cheap. I now have a well stocked liquor cupboard. Went home and died a little.

Slept from 11:30 to 2:30 on Saturday night, all of that interrupted by quite a big lot of pain, mostly coming from my stomach. Bitch.

Sunday saw me stagger to the shops for ginger anti-nausea stuff, the rest of the Twilight stuff, and powerboards for my fish tank filter/light. Also saw a small birthday thing with the family, then to bed early. Presents involved jewellry, a snazzy comfy computer chair (which rocks, quite literally, as well as being awesome), and a new alarm clock/radio.

And then Monday rocked around. Yay, birthday, am now 22. Felt much older than I am, mostly because I was aching everywhere. Worked, and did all the normal everyday stuff. In all, birthday was an ordinary day, but hey. It was okay. Took the fish home (as mentioned above), and enjoyed a few drinks (the nausea and dizzy held off on my birthday, how nice of them...).

Yesterday, felt like crap. Arthritis causing issues, tiredness, cold, nausea, dizziness.... Got home at quarter to five and went to bed (okay, so I was reading, but I was still in bed trying not to throw up).

Today? Eh. It's barely started. My hips hurt, quite a bit actually, and my fingers and wrists are twinging a bit. Back's aching a tad, knee and ankle.... Can't feel my toes, they're too cold. Coffee.... isn't registering yet. Perhaps I need another one? Or maybe I just need to go home before I can't drive... Eh.