Dear Old Hag, please go away.

Ah life.  Where would we be without it apart from enjoying ourselves?

Ahem.  I believe I left you just before I started pooping green waterfalls, so I will take it from there.  Spent the evening pooping green waterfalls and was nill by mouth from midnight until the time of my being knocked unconscious and having things shoved in places they should not be shoved.  I had been told to present to the hospital at 9:30 (despite the doc telling me to arrange a time sometime between 7 and 9), and had been booked in for a 10 am time slot.  At about quarter to one a somewhat tired, cold, hungry, thirsty, contankerous and downright unbearable me was finally knocked out.  Usually scenario of farting like a hippo upon waking up in recovery before being wheeled out into the post recovery area to be treated to sprite and sandwiches.  Made from bread.  Made from wheat.  :/  The sprite admittedly was very good.  The sandwiches remained in their packaging.  Also adding to the usual scenario while in recovery was the doctor coming around and talking to me the moment my eyes had fluttered open (and then promptly closed again) under the assumption that open eyes equates to consciousness.  Hate to tell them, but it really doesn't.  Was driven home by mum, ate a rissole and watched Sherlock Holmes (which actually wasn't quite so bad).

Spent a few days afterwards in increasing degrees of agony, ending with me curling up in a ball and having a bit of a cry at work.  Settled down for a few days and seems to be randomly attacking me.  Since the procedure, have seen my doc (5:30 appointment, I got in there about 6, and didn't get out until around 7:30....) and shock horror was told that there's inflamation present in the terminal ileum.  Really?  Inflamation with Crohn's?  Never would have guessed.  On the bright side, to qualify for Humira you have to have a CDAI of over 300.  Even after they'd taken 10 points off me for being fat (I weigh 75kilos, most things say I should weigh around 55, however the thing for Humira says I should weigh 49.  Imagine if they'd seen me when I ballooned at 95!) I still came out at 388.  Application for Humira is submitted!  Only thing the GI's not sure about, is when I was on Imuran, I had to stop taking it because I was getting crappy headaches.  The government recognises headaches as side effects of the drug, however they do not recognise it was a reason to stop taking it (and still being able to qualify for Humira).  GI said he'll try his best anyway though.  Here's to hoping!  If not, the new reumy (who I see tomorrow arvo) seems fairly confident he can get me there with the joint pain.

Oh, and apparently my liver's still erring a little on the stuffed side, so I'm being sent to get an ultrasound done of it.

In non-Crohn's news, am working.  Well, I get up, drive to a place of work, and get paid for the day.  Am however not doing a damned thing, and I'm starting to get tetchy about it.  I want to work so the memories will leave me alone.  Sitting in a chair doing nothing for eight hours a day is not achieving this.  Hopefully, they'll realise fairly soon that they're paying me to do nothing and will give me something to do.  Oh, also don't believe I mentioned that it took the head office two weeks to arrange a computer for me, as a result of HR and IT arguing over who's job it was to issue me with an employee number.  Like the people, like the place.  Just want some work.

Have been attacking more yarn projects (again, can't show here because people who are receiving said things read this blog.  :P) and been thoroughly enjoying my books.  Rather disappointed in the bookshops though, because I've been looking for particular books for some years now, and they've only just got the series in that I want just when I really can't afford it (paying parents back for stuff, various med bills coming in, and saving for bigger stuff).  Cranky aimed at you A&R!

Fish are being fish.  The redcap is now back in the old fish bowl that they were all in originally, however still in isolation.  It became evident that the tank it was in had sprung a small leak and had been slowly leaking since being filled up a few months ago.  Lump on its side is now looking more like a wart than a blister, so I'm fairly sure the poor thing has a tumor as opposed to anything curable.  The other two are going alright, although the tank's green again for a little while, just not sure if the moor has white spots on him (again!).

Oh, will try and throw a link to this up the side somewhere, but for now, have a link to my Deviant Art account.  A lot of my photography goes up there, as well as food and yarn stuff I've made. 

http://lady-dao.deviantart.com/

I exist.

Blergh.  Dying from the plague, or at least some doppleganger of it.  Went and got the 'flu shot the other week and have been slowly deteriorating ever since.  Also on the medical side of things, I have an appointment to see a new rheumatologist this coming Monday arvo, so hopefully things'll start going right huh?  Am also needing to see the skin doc again.  The psoraisis is flaring like a bitch - itching, stinging, burning, weeping and oozing to the point of making clothes wet, and it's got the whole rotting flesh smell going on too.  Maybe if the docs work together they can work something out?  Eg - the humira that treats the Crohn's, and the joint pain, and the psoraisis.......

Went and got myself on welfare benefits.  Got my first payment this previous Monday and then yesterday needed to ring up and try to cancel said payments.  Got offered a job!!!  Working with a massive international mining company starting Monday.  They even seem flexible enough to deal with the doc appointments!  Yay for awesome employers!

In a fish update, I'm down to the three goldfish.  The last catfish keeled over and died a few weeks ago now and I'm still scratching my head as to why.  But, the goldfish aren't far out from their first birthday (14th May!) and yes, I'm going to be the crazy pet owner and make them a birthday cake.  :D

Been working on various little projects to try and keep my sanity, when my fingers will allow it, photos will appear eventually.  Promise.  :)

Hope everyone is well/recovering from any bad stuff.

Bruised butt? Bring it on!

Huh.  So it seems that not only do I get spam in English in my inbox offering to make my assumed penis 'absolutely massive to wow the ladies' (just for the record, the last time I checked I was well and truly female), I'm now getting similar spam in Chinese on my blog.  Dear Idiots, you're just ever so slightly sucktacular.  Word verification now on.

Ahem.  A blog.  :)

Is it possible to bruise the inside of your butt?  In the last few weeks I've gone from liquid or normal, to lumps of cement.  The other day, that delightful "You need to go yesterday" sensation occurred, so off I bolted.  And then it got stuck.  Me sitting there going bright red in the face and getting a lovely headache from the straining and The Lump just stuck there.  It wasn't going out, it couldn't be pinched off like usual, and it sure as heck wasn't going back in.  Eventually, The Lump moved, and I thought all was good.  Until I had the urge to go again.  It moved, but oh Gods it hurt!  No blood, so I'm guessing no cracks (pun not intended), but really.  Is it possible to bruise the inside of your butt?

Pain relief is proving rather difficult lately.  The stuff I take has ibuprofen (which I know is bad, but the docs don't seem to wan't to give me anything else) and codeine in it.  There's been a change in the system now so that from the 1st of May, if you want to buy a box with more than 30 in it, you need a prescription.  Now some may say 30 is all well and good, but here's the catch.  You can only buy one box, once every five days.  I go through eight a day, so I'm a little bit screwed.  About the only way around it is to hit up all the different chemists in the area, and that's gonna take a fair bit of time.  So I think ultimately I'm just going to have to throw a tantrum back at the doctor when he doesn't want to prescribe me anything, and he's just going to have to refer me to a different rhumatologist.  Something needs doing and if I can't access the meds that make things slightly better then I think some heads need to roll.  I'm the patient, damnit!  The whole gig goes, I give you money, you make me better.  Not I give you money and you ignore me.

All ranted out.  :)

Still unemployed, possibly hitting up a government agency thing tomorrow to see if there's any welfare payments that I qualify for and if they can help me find work.  Tried some recruitment agencies, but it seems the Crohn's could be an issue for them (as in everything was going fine and great guns until that was mentioned).  Unfortunately, nothing to prove that it's discrimination, so I've got nothing to throw at them.

Trying to keep my sanity through various methods.  Long drives are unfortunately not an option at the moment, they seem to land me in a fair deal of pain.  I'm managing sometimes to get a bit of work done on the blanket I'm making, and I'm chewing my way through the books I've got piled next to my bed.

I've also taken to collecting paint chips.  Not as crazy as it sounds!  Five figures in the red, no job, no money, but my goal is to start investing in property, starting first with my own home.  Paint chips keep my head up by reminding me of all the pretty colours that are going on the walls when I get the place.  And then that sparks ideas for the floor (polished floorboards, which will be so much easier on my back than carpet when it comes to cleaning) and the kitchen (massive old country style) and the backyard (bring on the chook shed and veggie patch!).  So yeah.  Weird yes, but not completely insane.  :)

Oh!  Fish update!  Still have all three goldfish and the remaining catfish.  Still in their craptacular tank, bar my little redcap.  It seems like he has some sort of cyst on his side and because I'm not sure if it's something contagious he's been in an isolation tank for a little while.  The cyst doesn't overly seem to be bothering him, and I think because of the extra space they all have now, they're all growing.  Not quite so tiny anymore, but still what the fish stores are selling as small.  New fishtank will come with money which will come with a job, so one day.  :)

Also thankyou to all for the support.  Each new day is another foot infront of the other.

Crohn's? I feel like an old Crone!

So I guess I covered a bit yesterday huh. Don't usually write that much in a blog. One thing I think I failed somewhat on is what the hell Crohn's is. I mean sure, I linked to a few pages, but that's all technical gabble and stuff. So, my summary of Crohn's and how I interpret it is as follows:

Crohn's is a cronic, incurable albeit treatable, autoimmune disease in which it appears the immune system attacks the intestines or some bacteria within them causing inflamation and ulcers. The inflamation can inhibit absorbtion of vitamins and minerals, as well as fluids, and the ulcers can bleed. People with Crohn's can become anaemic and also lack other important vitamins.

Hopefully that sums it up for anyone who reads.

As for why I'm doing this blog, as I mentioned yesterday it may help maintain some normality in my life, but one day it may also be of some help to others who are diagnosed. At the moment I'm really struggling to come to terms with it and what it means for the rest of my life. Not to mention a lot of what I've read and the experiences I'm already having with the meds are scaring the life out of me.

I'm wanting to link to this blog from a few places but in a way I'm worried about it. There's a lot of info I'm putting in here and not holding back on and I'm thinking that if I know my friends read it then I'll be more hesitant in what I write. I don't talk about emotions well, and at the moment I can pretend that no one reads this and that I'm just typing, not talking. Heck, even if people leave comments asking questions I can just pretend I'm reading a book to them and try to answer the best I can. It's just knowing that people may treat me differently or take pity on me that makes me shudder. I don't want pity. I just want to share what's going on and be able to do so in a way that I'm comfortable with.

To my friends, I love you all dearly, but if you leave any comments here in the form of "OMG, are you okay, can I give you a hug?" I believe I may have to get some cranky on your butts. Sure, ask away about stuff, but I'm still me. Independant and proud. Give me a hug if you think I need it, but don't throw sympathy at me. I don't want it.

Anyway. Spent last night tossing and turning, waking up every hour or two. Thank the gods it's the weekend. Woke up this morning with my right wrist and fingers aching. Seriously, every single joint in my right hand just gone. Which is an incredible pain in the butt considering I'm right handed. Go to write, struggle. Go to draw, struggle. Go to crochet or knit or take photos, struggle. *sigh* Also have massive big black bags under my eyes.

Was pleased to note last night before bed though that despite feeling incredibly fat and bloated already, the muscles that I've been attempting to work on for the past few months haven't disappeared as yet. There's still hope! Maybe....

Tired. So, so tired. At least today I can curl up in a corner if I want to and sleep and not worry about my job.

Anyway. Coherant blather is going out the window, so I think I'll leave today's update as is. Will try and update daily, though it could be as little as weekly that I actually get to it.