Random babblings of a tired person.

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Ahem. Yup, quite fluent in gibberish. :D

So, since last time. Am apparently anaemic now, down to 5 as opposed to somewhere low in the normal range of 10 to 30. Doc jumped on this to explain my fatigue and steered me in the direction of iron tablets. I wasn't going to tell him I've been tired for a year now and my iron levels have only just dropped for this blood test. Still dosing myself on redbull and tea, making it through the day.

Glands have gone down, apparently there wasn't any GF/mono, which is great, but still don't know what it was.

Got the humira script, it took near two weeks, and then when it did rock in at the doc's and they phoned and left a message, my phone neither rang not took said message so it was another four or five days before I could get the script. That in addition to crappy service after a merger in the last year or so sees me talking with my feet. Have a new sim with a new phone service provider rocking up sometime this week. Fingers crossed it works out better.

Have had my contract at work extended, am now employed until the end of Feb next year. Fingers crossed something permanent comes up.

Haven't been doing a great deal of late, just getting by I suppose. Reading a lot, and curling up withs the odd dvd, but otherwise, it's just the lovely cycle of work and sleep.

Bought a new fishtank recently, and have decked it out with all the modcons, new filter (shock horror, a proper one that works!) and plants. Letting it get stable before I go getting fish to put it in. The remaining fish is still kicking/swimming, however his tumour seems to be growing a bit, and I don't want to run the risk of it being infectious and infecting the tank before new fish go in, so for now he's staying put in his current home.

Also bought a couple of second hand coffee tables on the weekend, about two foot square but in rather good nick and only set me back $50 for the pair. Will probably spend the next few weekends sanding them back and staining them to match existing furniture. Should be a fun little project (see how boring my life is?).

Anyhow, off to bed (at 7:30.....). Wishing everyone health, and everything they could want. :)

Eh.

Soooo.... A fortnight on antibiotics and I'm able to speak and breathe and generally exist again. Finished said antibiotics a week ago, so have been back in the land of the living for a while.

Am however only getting by with my cans of red bull. The fatigue has gotten so much worse since I was sick, the sick went away but not the fatigue. And my glands are up, especially in my neck, and hurting like crazy. I had glandular fever/mono a few years back, and it's one of those fun things that likes to hibernate in your body and can reappear. Seeing as Humira can cause hibernatey things to reappear, I'm placing my bets on that.

Had general blood tests done a couple of days ago, and see the doc on Monday. Keeping one of those CDAI diaries at the moment, have to be reassessed for the Humira to see if it's helping any (trust me, MAJOR improvements). Forms to be filled in again and then get the script and back on the merry-go-round.

Had a kinda shit day today with work. Still loving the money, and being busy, and the people I'm with, but went massively down hill when I had to put an order in for baby sized body bags. Got halfway through putting the order in over the phone, reached the baby ones and starting bawling. Too many memories that are still too raw to handle things like that. But I'll be back there on Monday, and hopefully nowhere will have a shortage of body bags again any time soon.

Anyway. Off to enjoy my weekend. Have had a bubble bath, now to attack the bottle of Bundy. Tomorrow, maybe a sleep in, maybe a drive, who knows? And Sunday? I'll worry about that then.

Hope everyone is well!

Ooooh look, another blog entry.

So I was reading blogs as you do and then a thought popped in to my head. Why don't I actually write in my blog every time I sit here reading some? So I'm making an effort and writing again. Keep in mind, I am a rather boring person so the posts will likely be on repeat.

Since last time? I went to my company's annual charity golf day. Me. With a golf club? Yeah I may or may not have been literally rolling on the floor with laughter. Me and sports don't usually mix, and I was rather afraid of the ball staying put and the club going flying and collecting someone on the head. Fears were baseless though. Didn't end up playing. Instead got to enjoy the golf course at a leisurely pace, enjoying the birds and the trees, and attacking people with the camera. Got paid my usual wage for it, plus 2 bottles of decent wine, and also had the charity request the use of one of my shots in a new publication they put out. Paid and published in a day. I like it. :)

Have since finished with said company however, and it's their loss, not mine. I start a new job tomorrow, a contract role in a (hopefully!) nice cushy government job. Thinking about it, it's probably what I've been aiming for for quite some years. It's good hours (I get to leave early on Fridays for now), and it's damn good pay for what I'll be doing. I remember thinking when I first started work, fresh out of high school, that when I hit a certain figure with my pay then I would be doing well and would be happy. Well, I've hit that figure. Recently thought it wouldn't happen but hey. Let's just hope the smile stays put. :D Car should be paid off in a few weeks at most, then a few costs involved with it due at the end of the year. Should also be able to afford all the tech gadgets I'm after too before the end of the year. It feels nice to have enough money to be comfortable with.

Been laid back with a cold/flu thing the last week or so. Started feeling a bit blank last Saturday, then the sore throat hit on the Sunday. A cough started creeping in with headaches and a snuffly nose about Wednesday and then the voice disappeared. Managed to drag myself to the doc on Saturday just been and got some stuff to hopefully help, also hit up the chemist again today for more cough meds (spent three hours awake barking last night) and some nasal decongestant. Need to be awake/healthy for tomorrow. This weekend, just been going through the dvd collection, the odd bit of a book here and there, and icecream, not because I want to eat, but because I know I have to eat something. Mind, it was nice icecream. :)

Anyway. That's me over and out for another blog. Hope everyone is well.

Blog? Oh yeah....

Ahaha. A blog? Yup. Got one of those. Honestly I remember it now..... :D

So, brief sum up. Fatty didn't make it. Found him dead in the tank a day or so later. Still don't know what it was, but whatever it was that killed the fish tried to kill the filter too (the intake tube had also grown white fuzz by the time I discovered Fatty). Tank has since been cleaned with a mild solution of bleach, and the remaining fish is still in it's little bowl, just because I still don't trust the main tank.

Also had a birthday. At 23, I feel old. :P Or at least a poop load older than I should a lot of the time.

Work is ending. Been there since early May, was meant to be a short term temp bit then permanent but they never worked out if they actually wanted to employ me or not. Actually, about the only two decisions they made were not to train me (still sit there doing jack all), and to let me go. I have 2 weeks left. So I'm now trying to scrub up my cv so it looks somewhere near presentable. Getting rather bored with it, so here's a blog. :)

Humira is going well. Helping the gut and the joints, flared the psoraisis to buggery, so I can walk, and eat things again (within reason, the fructose can still be an issue), but I'm continually itching/burning/stinging/etc. Got a few site reactions for a few weeks, just a bit of a red patch around the injection site, not itchy though. No mark last time, and get to jab myself again later today. Glad it's working, about time something did.

Anyhoo. I'm a rather boring person really, so I've pretty much updated everything in those few paragraphs. Guess I'm heading back to that cv.... Darn. ;)

I'm a real girl!

Yup. Pinocchio voice and all while I'm saying that. Had my first lot of Humira today. All four injections. I gave three of them to myself!!!! Trust me, when you realise how terrified of needles I am, you will understand that the exclamation marks are necessary.

The three that went in my gut surprised me. I had a good howl and sob prior to the first one, dried my eyes, and then went, huh? Is that it? Didn't feel the first bit of the needle, and it's more just a pinching feeling (and even then not bad) towards the end of the needle. Finally, I approve of my belly fat. As a matter of fact, I've found a newly discovered love for it. Then the one in the leg. In a movie, a reversing truck would have been conveniently placed at this part. NEVER AGAIN! I do have lovely flabby, wobbly legs, but clearly I must have found the one spot that didn't have the cotton wool protection of flubber. It hurt, I cried. I highly recommend the stomach. Feeling slightly nauseous a few hours after, took a maxalon left over from the 6mp fiasco and seem fine with it now. No itching, redness, soreness what so ever.

In other news my darling black moor gave up the ghost on Sunday morning. Thursday night he was black and scaley, by Friday morning he was white and fuzzy, particularly near his head. Dad finally decided on Sunday that I'm permitted to get a larger tank. This morning (Tuesday), I notice Fatty is looking slightly less calico and slightly more white and fuzzy, particularly around the head. Have everything crossed, but seeing as the moor didn't respond to medication in the iso tank, I'm not holding my breath. Also, I know most people are thinking 'Who cares, they're just fish'. I love animals, and would love to have a cat or dog or multiples of each. My dad isn't so much an animal person (see: views them as a waste of time/money/space), so to me, my fish have become something like surrogate cats and dogs. Rather attached, so it kinda hurts when I'm unable to look after them properly due to unfair restraints.

Anyway, otherwise life isn't too bad. Still absolutely dead on my feet, and the joints are still sore, but fingers crossed things will improve with the Humira.

Hope everyone is well.

All aboard the Humira train!

Not dead! Promise.

Managed to poop in a jar. Still don't know the results of that. And had the ultrasound thing done. Ultrasound shows everything in the upper abdo to be normal. Blood tests? Thing that's meant to be under 6 is back down to 9. From 179 a week before (a few days after the oh-Gods-I'm-dying pain originally kicked in).

In other good news? Humira! Yay! The dumbass government finally decided that seeing as I couldn't keep food down (or brush my teeth properly without heaving) and had what was a very good dopelganger for pancreatitis with the 6mp, that they'll let me go on Humira. Scraipt is apparently in the mail on the way to the GIs and hopefully I'll be starting it soon after that.

Downside? Doc is insisting that I get taught how to use it by nurses at the hospital my brother died in. Considering I've been told that any chemist/pharmacist with half a brain is capable of showing me how to use it, I'm rather tetchy with the doc over this. He just would not budge on it, even when he knew the reason why. Eh. Shit happens I s'pose.

Still fatigued a fair bit/normal for me, and the joints are still twinging, but fingers crossed (everything crossed really) that the Humira will help that too.

Bring on the world! I'll be human again! :D

So after various appointments with the doc and multiple blood tests, he's come to the conclusion that I don't have pancreatitis. Thank the gods for small mercies. Pain had pretty much gone since stopping the meds, but the nausea is still there to a certain degree. Am managing food, but still feel rather off, even after the maxalon. Have to get antoher ultrasound done on Monday morning, which means more time off work, just to confirm that it isn't pancreatitis, even though he's already decided it isn't. Then have to go get yet more blood tests (will be the fourth lot in a week) and poop in a jar to rule out infection. Downside to that is I'm still having the varying swings between constipation and diarrhoea. Fingers crossed I can poop on cue hey?

Very worried about work. Doctor ordered me off work last week, and as I'm a temp/on a contract I had to ring in every day (not to mention not get paid for it). By Friday the boss seemed a little bit on the cold side. Doc seemed to be about to order me off work for the coming week too, until I told him I'd probably lose my job if he did that. Still seems rather not happy with the idea of me being at work, but what can I do about it? It's work now and maybe save my job, or not work now and possibly not work for quite some time, and with no savings, that's just not an option.

Oh, also was mentioned that the doc will try again for Humira seeing as the 6mp failed. Theoretically they can't turn me down, but we'll see. It is the government after all.

Anyway, I'm off to find my anti-spew drugs in an attempt to shut my stomach up. Hope everyone is well.

Quick update

Saw GI. Took me off both 6mp and Salofalk. Now on no meds for the Crohn's. Feels very strange. Has given me the week off work (which is good in the respect of needing to rest, but not so much in the not being paid respect), and given me endone for the pain anf maxalon for the nausea. Sent me to get blood tests today because he thinks it could be Pancreatitis. Will find out later today or sometime tomorrow what the results are.

Right now, tired as buggery, slightly dizzy, and two hours after taking the maxalon it doesn't really appear to be working. Off to bed for the day.

Hope everyone else is of better health and those that have had troubles lately I really hope things are starting to look up for you.

Yep. OJ definitely better the first time.

Managed to drag myself in to work today, though only for a few hours. The back and the pain just below the ribs was really playing up, difficult to move, difficult to walk, hurts to breathe..... Then there's the nausea. While I have no idea what's causing the other random pains, I'm fairly sure the nausea is a result of the 6mp. Spent a while dry retching this morning at work, which the boss commented on when I asked if I could come home. He also seems understanding of the meds, which is great. I believe his wife has some sort of arthritis and she's had the fun of all the hoops to jump through too.

Have had my weekly blood tests done, mum drove me, and have had everything that was in my stomach (ie one glass of oj) come back up. It's not often I have stuff come up, normally I just spend the day running and dry retching, which is actually possibly worse, but yeah. Just feeling very rotten with it all.

Had a red bull this morning. Promptly started falling asleep. Some sort of indication that I'm tired perhaps?

Managed to make an appointment to see the GI tomorrow arvo, so hopefully he'll have some idea as to what's wrong and even more hopefully, how to fix it.

Upside to all of this? ..... Actually still trying to work that one out. Will let you know when I've figured it out.

Don't feel as though I've whinged as bad as usual today. Feels good.

It's a small world after all.....

Yep, just had to go and implant that in your brains.

Meanwhile, yes, a small world, a small world of pain that is. To my recent memory (that is the past few months) I have had one weekend (read three days) where my pain was tolerable, even to the point of being gone. I went away that weekend. It was cold. Like -4 degrees C cold. I skipped. I jumped on the crunchy frosted leaves.  I ate food that I just plain should not have gone near. I rather liked that weekend.

Now that I'm not in the wonderful cold land where my pain seems to disappear (Canberra, I do so love it, will move there one day), my pain is back. Joint pain is there. Normal Crohn's pain is there. Random pain just below the middle of my ribcage that feels as though Wolverine has decided to punch me repeatedly is there, blades and all. And now I have this delightful back pain that I have no idea what I did to cause it. All I know is it's causing me to wake up in pure agony of a night bawling my eyes out. Hurts somewhat worse than it did when I spent the night in hospital after a car crash. Hurts to breathe.

But you know what? I get to just shut up and deal with it. I've had people pull up extremely short of calling me a hypochondriac, and the same said people pull up again extremely short of telling me I'm a nutcase and it's all in my head. I've also been told to stop taking so many pain killers (Note, taking no more than the max daily recommended).

Also been knocked back for Humira. Long story short, random doctors lied to me (what a surprise), and the Government has delightful double standards. Eg recognising something as a side effect, acknowledging it as a reason to stop taking it if it was prescribed for illness A, but not if it was prescribed for illness B. Have been put on 6mp, and have watched it increase the diarrhoea, possibly increase all that wonderful chest pain, and it's possibly causing the wonderful nausea that I've had that keeps getting worse. Can't brush my teeth or swallow tablets without throwing up. Then again, the nausea could just be from the cold that I've managed to pick up somewhere.

Dear world: Had enough, fuck you.