Choya

Belief in yourself. Who is myself? I know who, or rather what, the meds make me. Who was I? It worries me that I actually struggle to remember, but I feel as though I owe myself the chance to believe in something other than pain, which is about all I can believe in lately.

Me. Who am I? Who am I without the meds?
I am a confident person, and if I'm not, I'll pretend it until I am.
I am stubborn. Your herd of goats does not stand a chance.
I am a determined human being, yet in the same breath I'll change my mind like the autumn breeze.
I enjoy reading. Crochet. Knitting. Photography.
I like music. A lot. I love a good dvd.
I love Disney. I love Studio Ghibli.
I adore candles. And incense.
I love food. Eating it. Cooking it. Smelling it. Particularly smelling it cook. Lovely.
I like chai tea with a little milk. I like Bundaberg rum.
I love beautiful things that have no purpose other than to be beautiful.
I love animals and the unconditional love and support they offer.
I would do anything to find that little black and white kitten in my bottom drawer one morning.
I will always love my Molly. Sleep well my girl.
I have a clear face, the odd black head occasionally, but rarely anything more.
I have shiny, golden, light brown curls.
I am trying (and succeeding) to lose weight. Till then I'm cuddly.
I have clear blue eyes.
I like the freckles on my shoulders.
I am a loyal and protective friend.
I have a sense of humour that likes to hide.
I love my inner child and the things she gets up to.
You can take the girl out of the country but you will always fail at trying to take the country out of the girl.
I love my little red car and the places she takes me.
I am a dreamer. Rarely a do-er.
I'm driven with dollar signs in my eyes.


Who am I with the meds and the old hag inside me? Hardly any of the above.

I figure now is a good time to reflect on who I really am, what there is to believe in, because there are many times lately where I'm just too miserable to thing on any of it. There are sometimes though when I'm certain I'll pull through, and this is what I am. This is what I can be. This is what I need to believe in.