Hmm... I think by the looks of things that an update is in order.

Canberra? Scratched. At least for now. Going through school I always had a definite idea of who I wanted to be and what I wanted to do. Now though, I have absolutely no idea. I think this should be my priority, working this out, before I go running around the countryside (as beautiful as it is) like a chook with my head cut off. Maybe one day though.

Speaking of running around the countryside, I've been treating myself occasionally to mini holidays, one day on the weekend where I disappear somewhere holiday-ish. One weekend I went up the coast, found some beautiful little coastal towns, and just generally enjoyed the drive. A week or two later I went south, found Somersby Falls, and fell it love with the place.

I have plans for other places, zoos, aquariums, more waterfalls, but honestly I've been very lazy and boring since. Work, sleep, more work, attempting more sleep, work, whinging about lack of sleep.

Which leads me to bitch about my gut doctor. He is unable to find a reason in my blood tests to explain why I am so tired all the time, so rather than send me to a sleep specialist or someone who may have a clue, he's come to the conclusion that I'm depressed and need to see a shrink. Based solely on the fact that I'm tired. Never liked this doc from day one, now? Just hate him. Consequently, have not booked myself into the shrink, and have no intention of ever doing so.

Currently, sitting at home nursing a gastro bug. Not the Crohn's, that's under control with the Humira, blood tests back me up. Not the fructose either, been avoiding that. But gastro? People at work have had a similar bug, and despite them being able to take paid sick leave they didn't, and now I've got it. And I don't get paid sick leave. So I'm missing out on a weeks pay because people thought sharing was caring. I'd rather they didn't care. Went to see the doc yesterday about it, just a GP in a bulk billing place, and the moment he heard "Crohn's" he ignored everyting else I said. Didn't bother trying to diagnose me, and the certificate for work says a Crohn's flare. Bastard. At least I didn't have to pay, it's just so infuriating that they feel they have the right to put everything down to that. Seriously, I get the feeling this doc would have put a sore toe down to the Crohn's. Maybe even grey hair. Eh. I hate doctors. Is it any wonder?

Enrolled in a photography course to start in March, only goes for four weeks, one night a week, but thought it might be nice. S'pose I'll find out in March. :)

Anyway, hope everyone is well.

Fructose Hangover

Feeling after too much fructose = horrid hangover + bad case of gastro. Yuck.

2010 / 2011

So it's a new year. New dreams, new hopes.... What's around the corner?

Last year was a roller coaster. Goods things happened. Paid the car off, got a job that pays the money I'm after, got the meds I needed to keep healthy. Bad stuff happened too, and because of that I'm grateful to leave last year in the past. It hurts somewhat though that in leaving that year behind I'm leaving precious people there with it. They never got to see this year.

Anyway. This year. 2011. Resolutions. Sometimes I make them, sometimes I break them, sometimes I don't bother even thinking about them. This year I think I'll make them, and do my best to keep them.

I want to be (and need to be) more focused. I need to make decisions and not continually waver from them. The "What if...?" game needs to stop. Hopefully I can do this.

I want to move to Canberra. It's about time I moved out of home. I will need a new job soon anyone, one with some permanency, and why not try down there? I need to get away from where I am now too. There are too many heartstrings attached to this place and I think a change of scenery will help.

I will be better with money. I will not buy things on impulse everytime I see something shiney. Hopefully this will lead to more money saved.

And I sort of want to take up walking or something. Just something gentle that doesn't make my body attack me, and something I won't get sick of in a hurry.

Anyway. Hope everyone had/has a fantastic time bringing in the new year, and may 2011 give you everything you could ever dream of asking from it.

Merry Christmas all!

Have a post

So. Me. I exist, apparently.

Health. Had to take some time off work the other week, just a couple of arvos and a whole day. Was too dead to be at work. Managed to squeak in to see the gp and he sent me to get blood tests. See the gi this coming Wednesday and apparently need to chat to him about my lipase enzymes and ask him why they're getting a little on the high side again. Otherwise I appear to be alive.

Work is still going okay, they've shuffled us around a bit and put me in a team doing stuff rather different to what I had been doing, and then leant me back to the team I had been in. Do wish they'd make up their mind as to where they want me, but hey. I am working and being paid for it. They've also brough the start time forward so I now get to start at 7:30 and finished at 4, 2 on Fridays. Loving it. See no point sitting around waiting to go to work when I wake up early anyway.

Outside of work, I'm burying my nose in random books, and I started going to a lapidary club - jewellry making and playing with stones. Enjoying it, but it's shut down over the hols, so I get to go back early Feb. Looking forward to going back.

Also thought I'd found someone worth my time, someone that might have given a crap, but as per usual as soon as I let my guard down I'm proven wrong. So I guess he can go stick it where the sun don't shine. Crazy old cat lady, here I come. S'pose I should be used to it. I'm just starting to feel like the wrong end of the magnet, things get vaguely close but get to a certain point and then run away. Eh. Shit happens I guess.

Anyway, that's my rant over for a while, though I'll bet there'll be something else to rant about soon enough. It is me, after all.

Post Script

Really hope everyone is okay out there, and if you're down at all over anything, know that I'm sending massive big hugs (although we all know internet hugs are kinda sucky compared to the real thing). :D

Random gloop.

Next time my body tells me it needs Red Bull and pain killers I am not going to ignore it. For real. Promise. Haven't been sleeping well lately, on top of all the normal fatiguey crap. Had someone have a go at me this morning about the amount of meds and stuff I'm on and they seemed to pull up very short of calling me a druggie. So I sat there at work the whole day with no Red Bull and no pain relief. I managed to keep my head off the keyboard, though my colleagues were under strict orders that if they found me face planted on the desk to just leave me there. Also didn't have any pain relief. My head doesn't like me today, so that was a challenge, and my back and hips are arguing with sitting still for 8 hours, but I did it. I am however caving, as damnit I need sleep! Also managed to get my mitts on some Phenerghan which should knock me out for a good few hours.

I really don't think it's fair to be treated like crap just because you have health issues that someone else doesn't have and doesn't/can't/won't understand. I mean, to get the meds to keep you in remission you basically have to turn yourself into a contortionist who doesn't care about their dignity and can leap blindfolded through flaming rings. And then there's not just the 20 questions, but the gazillion questions that the chemist throws at you if it isn't a prescription med (hello codiene), which stop very short of asking you about your mother's sexual history. Well okay, not quite that far, but bloody hell. I don't get why people treat the ligits like druggies, and the druggies get it all for fricking free, along with the sympathetic "Oh, you poor thing, it must be so hard giving up those live destroying drugs". *Insert worn out scream here* Just so fed up with it.

Work is going well. Money is good. Just wish the job had some degree of permanency to it. And I wish I was capable of making up my mind. One minute I've decided I'll move to Canberra, then I change it to Queensland, then West Aus, then somewhere completely random. All I know is I'm tired of where I am, and yet I'm too chicken to leave it.

Gagh. Anyway. I'm gonna bugger off now before I keep on ranting. Hadn't intended to. Really. Honest.

Oh, and I think I've developed an allergy to alcohol. Seems just recently everytime I drink any booze it starts playing up with the airways. All tight and swolen feeling, at least on the inside, as if they're closing up. Rather bothersome. Eh.

Random babblings of a tired person.

asdjfbgniapbrshBVatewnv zd.

Ahem. Yup, quite fluent in gibberish. :D

So, since last time. Am apparently anaemic now, down to 5 as opposed to somewhere low in the normal range of 10 to 30. Doc jumped on this to explain my fatigue and steered me in the direction of iron tablets. I wasn't going to tell him I've been tired for a year now and my iron levels have only just dropped for this blood test. Still dosing myself on redbull and tea, making it through the day.

Glands have gone down, apparently there wasn't any GF/mono, which is great, but still don't know what it was.

Got the humira script, it took near two weeks, and then when it did rock in at the doc's and they phoned and left a message, my phone neither rang not took said message so it was another four or five days before I could get the script. That in addition to crappy service after a merger in the last year or so sees me talking with my feet. Have a new sim with a new phone service provider rocking up sometime this week. Fingers crossed it works out better.

Have had my contract at work extended, am now employed until the end of Feb next year. Fingers crossed something permanent comes up.

Haven't been doing a great deal of late, just getting by I suppose. Reading a lot, and curling up withs the odd dvd, but otherwise, it's just the lovely cycle of work and sleep.

Bought a new fishtank recently, and have decked it out with all the modcons, new filter (shock horror, a proper one that works!) and plants. Letting it get stable before I go getting fish to put it in. The remaining fish is still kicking/swimming, however his tumour seems to be growing a bit, and I don't want to run the risk of it being infectious and infecting the tank before new fish go in, so for now he's staying put in his current home.

Also bought a couple of second hand coffee tables on the weekend, about two foot square but in rather good nick and only set me back $50 for the pair. Will probably spend the next few weekends sanding them back and staining them to match existing furniture. Should be a fun little project (see how boring my life is?).

Anyhow, off to bed (at 7:30.....). Wishing everyone health, and everything they could want. :)

Eh.

Soooo.... A fortnight on antibiotics and I'm able to speak and breathe and generally exist again. Finished said antibiotics a week ago, so have been back in the land of the living for a while.

Am however only getting by with my cans of red bull. The fatigue has gotten so much worse since I was sick, the sick went away but not the fatigue. And my glands are up, especially in my neck, and hurting like crazy. I had glandular fever/mono a few years back, and it's one of those fun things that likes to hibernate in your body and can reappear. Seeing as Humira can cause hibernatey things to reappear, I'm placing my bets on that.

Had general blood tests done a couple of days ago, and see the doc on Monday. Keeping one of those CDAI diaries at the moment, have to be reassessed for the Humira to see if it's helping any (trust me, MAJOR improvements). Forms to be filled in again and then get the script and back on the merry-go-round.

Had a kinda shit day today with work. Still loving the money, and being busy, and the people I'm with, but went massively down hill when I had to put an order in for baby sized body bags. Got halfway through putting the order in over the phone, reached the baby ones and starting bawling. Too many memories that are still too raw to handle things like that. But I'll be back there on Monday, and hopefully nowhere will have a shortage of body bags again any time soon.

Anyway. Off to enjoy my weekend. Have had a bubble bath, now to attack the bottle of Bundy. Tomorrow, maybe a sleep in, maybe a drive, who knows? And Sunday? I'll worry about that then.

Hope everyone is well!

Ooooh look, another blog entry.

So I was reading blogs as you do and then a thought popped in to my head. Why don't I actually write in my blog every time I sit here reading some? So I'm making an effort and writing again. Keep in mind, I am a rather boring person so the posts will likely be on repeat.

Since last time? I went to my company's annual charity golf day. Me. With a golf club? Yeah I may or may not have been literally rolling on the floor with laughter. Me and sports don't usually mix, and I was rather afraid of the ball staying put and the club going flying and collecting someone on the head. Fears were baseless though. Didn't end up playing. Instead got to enjoy the golf course at a leisurely pace, enjoying the birds and the trees, and attacking people with the camera. Got paid my usual wage for it, plus 2 bottles of decent wine, and also had the charity request the use of one of my shots in a new publication they put out. Paid and published in a day. I like it. :)

Have since finished with said company however, and it's their loss, not mine. I start a new job tomorrow, a contract role in a (hopefully!) nice cushy government job. Thinking about it, it's probably what I've been aiming for for quite some years. It's good hours (I get to leave early on Fridays for now), and it's damn good pay for what I'll be doing. I remember thinking when I first started work, fresh out of high school, that when I hit a certain figure with my pay then I would be doing well and would be happy. Well, I've hit that figure. Recently thought it wouldn't happen but hey. Let's just hope the smile stays put. :D Car should be paid off in a few weeks at most, then a few costs involved with it due at the end of the year. Should also be able to afford all the tech gadgets I'm after too before the end of the year. It feels nice to have enough money to be comfortable with.

Been laid back with a cold/flu thing the last week or so. Started feeling a bit blank last Saturday, then the sore throat hit on the Sunday. A cough started creeping in with headaches and a snuffly nose about Wednesday and then the voice disappeared. Managed to drag myself to the doc on Saturday just been and got some stuff to hopefully help, also hit up the chemist again today for more cough meds (spent three hours awake barking last night) and some nasal decongestant. Need to be awake/healthy for tomorrow. This weekend, just been going through the dvd collection, the odd bit of a book here and there, and icecream, not because I want to eat, but because I know I have to eat something. Mind, it was nice icecream. :)

Anyway. That's me over and out for another blog. Hope everyone is well.