The Spoon Theory

I figure it doesn't overly matter that I don't post here that often, seeing as I just do the same old stuff all the time. Recently though, been doing even less, just work, sleep, work, sleep, staggering around like a zombie, sleep.

Have been feeling kinda awful lately, the fatigue has crept up on me again, and I've not got the energy to really get out of the house. I have a shower, drive to the shops ten minutes away, wander around for half and hour, drive home and I'm buggered. And throwing in a headache that I've had for at least two months now just isn't helping. So firstly I'm feeling like crap because of all of that, and secondly I'm having to turn my friends down for so many things, even simple things like the book club that we have once a month just drain the bejeebus out of me.

Being all miserable with the tiredness has had me thinking, and it made me remember reading something awhile ago. Not sure if someone here on the blog-o-sphere linked to it, or if I staggered across it on google, but figured I'd link to it here. I think it's the best way of describing to people how I live, why I have to turn things down, why sometimes I can manage something, but mostly I can't.

The Spoon Theory. http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory-written-by-christine-miserandino/  Perfectly explained, at least in my eyes, and can very easily be used for other illnesses, not just Lupus.  For me, my fatigue is the main "spoon user".  And just for the record, I've used half of my last spoon of the day to type this, the other half will be used to get myself into bed and turn a few pages in a book.  :)

Oops. Totally meant to update sooner. Really.

Ummmm, yeah. It's totally only been a few days. Don't mind me, I got lazy. What have I been up to? Well, the usual mostly. Sweet bugger all. With a few exceptions.

I sent myself down to Canberra a while ago to visit some friends who recently bought themselves a house and got engaged. It was quite nice, cold, but nice. Went to my beloved Bus Depot Markets, enjoyed food (as I always do) and did a bit of shopping too (Hello Lush!).

Also hit the furniture shops with my friends, which got me excited because I'm one of those nutcases that actually enjoys furtniture shopping. Seriously. You know how some girls get their buzz from clothes or shoe shopping? (Both of which I despise, just for the record.) I get mine from things like furniture shopping, or appliance shopping, and going "OOOH! Look at that! When I've got my own house, I'm gonna get one of those!". I do a similar thing with paint colours. Occasionally I'll just get the urge to go to a hardware shop and browse through their paint colour charts and bring a mountain home with me. Honestly, there is a shoebox gradually filling up with these.

Have also managed a catch up with one of my best mates who lives on the other side of the country. Only get to see him maybe once a year these days if I'm lucky, so it was a pretty awesome day.

Been heading in to the lapidary club that I'm part of one Friday a month, and lately have been going on Saturdays too. Having fun shaping and polishing stones, and will venture into the silver work side of things again soon too. Itching to work with copper moreso, but I suppose the silver is somewhere to start. :)

Have discovered another author that I'm adoring the work of. I've noticed Robin Hobb's books in a lot of my friend's bookcases, but have never got around to reading them. Was just looking for something new to add to the library one day and figured why not? Fantasy type stuff, and I would highly recommend her books.

Have been cooking a bit more recently. Taught myself to make cheese sauce last weekend. Ever so proud of myself. Was making a lasagne/pasta bake (gluten free pasta, bolognese sauce with limited fructose containing ingredients, limited onion) and had made a bol before, was a little worried about the pasta (despite my love of cooking and food, I think I'd only cooked pasta once before), and was terrified of the cheese sauce. Turned out a treat though. Have had fun with rissoles, savory mince, meatloaf and a few other bits and pieces. Also planted a few cloves of garlic two weeks ago and they're growing like there's no tomorrow. I love using garlic in things and go through it fairly quickly, so figured I'd try my hand at growing it. Am going to experiment with growing chillis and capsicum (bell pepper) from seed too.

I suppose the best bit of news I've got is that I finally landed a permanent job!!! And govenment to boot! :) Absolutely stoked. It's the same one I started as a temp at last October. I put in for a permanent role that was going just before my temp one finished and missed out, but only just. They said I was at the top of the 'reserve' list which was disappointing at the time but hey. I was put on a three month contract with one or two of the other temps that had been there, and then the 12th of May rocked around and I was told a person had left which meant there was a position available and did I want it. I think I nearly passed out, I've been trying to get permanent work for what seems like forever now. There's so many benefits with this job; the pay, discounted uniforms, one day off a month paid (hence the Friday at the lapidary club), the leave, the people I work with and for, opportunities for training and education, and if I so chose I could be in this job until I choose to retire. The best bit? I will be able to buy a house. As a temp, you're laughed at if you try to rent or buy. Now? I should hopefully be buying my first house in about 18 months.

So yeah. That's me about summed up. Apart from a special shout out to one of my friends on the blog-o-sphere and her man, The Gutsy Girl, who announced recently that after so long of trying, they're expecting to welcome a new life into the world. Here's to hoping everything is absolutely perfect in every way imaginable, and every way unimaginable as well. You both deserve it. I just hope Penny learns to share her parents!

So it's Autumn. And it's the weekend. And it's raining. I find this scenario quite comforting actually.



Stay tuned, proper blog update on it's way. At some point over the next few days. Hopefully. :)

Hating the world tonight.

So today's a year since my brother died. Had a bit of a meltdown earlier, now just recovering from downing a few glasses of Southern a tad quicker than usual.

I've had people tell me that time makes it easier. How much time? A year hasn't done much if I'm quite honest. Still hurts like hell, still mad as crap at the doctor that caused it. And just little things can trigger me off. Like the other night I started my photography course and the bloke teaching it starting discussing filters and such. Jogged the memory of my 21st, sitting in my brother's hospital room, unwrapping filters for my camera while he recovered from the anesthetic and an op. Don't quite know how I managed to make it home that night without writing off the car or a few others. And today, looking at fishtanks to try and get my mind off it and finding one with red sides. His favourite colour was red. Or hearing someone rev the daylights out of a car and knowing he never got to drive, despite being the biggest revhead I knew.

Eh. Figured I'd be better blogging than drinking, but I can't seem to get things out anyway. S'pose I'll try bed instead. Should be right in the morning. Kinda have to be, being Monday and all.

Hope everyone else is doing okay and that things are going to start looking up for those of you that I know are having some hard times right now, I know I'm not the only one.

Hmm... I think by the looks of things that an update is in order.

Canberra? Scratched. At least for now. Going through school I always had a definite idea of who I wanted to be and what I wanted to do. Now though, I have absolutely no idea. I think this should be my priority, working this out, before I go running around the countryside (as beautiful as it is) like a chook with my head cut off. Maybe one day though.

Speaking of running around the countryside, I've been treating myself occasionally to mini holidays, one day on the weekend where I disappear somewhere holiday-ish. One weekend I went up the coast, found some beautiful little coastal towns, and just generally enjoyed the drive. A week or two later I went south, found Somersby Falls, and fell it love with the place.

I have plans for other places, zoos, aquariums, more waterfalls, but honestly I've been very lazy and boring since. Work, sleep, more work, attempting more sleep, work, whinging about lack of sleep.

Which leads me to bitch about my gut doctor. He is unable to find a reason in my blood tests to explain why I am so tired all the time, so rather than send me to a sleep specialist or someone who may have a clue, he's come to the conclusion that I'm depressed and need to see a shrink. Based solely on the fact that I'm tired. Never liked this doc from day one, now? Just hate him. Consequently, have not booked myself into the shrink, and have no intention of ever doing so.

Currently, sitting at home nursing a gastro bug. Not the Crohn's, that's under control with the Humira, blood tests back me up. Not the fructose either, been avoiding that. But gastro? People at work have had a similar bug, and despite them being able to take paid sick leave they didn't, and now I've got it. And I don't get paid sick leave. So I'm missing out on a weeks pay because people thought sharing was caring. I'd rather they didn't care. Went to see the doc yesterday about it, just a GP in a bulk billing place, and the moment he heard "Crohn's" he ignored everyting else I said. Didn't bother trying to diagnose me, and the certificate for work says a Crohn's flare. Bastard. At least I didn't have to pay, it's just so infuriating that they feel they have the right to put everything down to that. Seriously, I get the feeling this doc would have put a sore toe down to the Crohn's. Maybe even grey hair. Eh. I hate doctors. Is it any wonder?

Enrolled in a photography course to start in March, only goes for four weeks, one night a week, but thought it might be nice. S'pose I'll find out in March. :)

Anyway, hope everyone is well.

Fructose Hangover

Feeling after too much fructose = horrid hangover + bad case of gastro. Yuck.

2010 / 2011

So it's a new year. New dreams, new hopes.... What's around the corner?

Last year was a roller coaster. Goods things happened. Paid the car off, got a job that pays the money I'm after, got the meds I needed to keep healthy. Bad stuff happened too, and because of that I'm grateful to leave last year in the past. It hurts somewhat though that in leaving that year behind I'm leaving precious people there with it. They never got to see this year.

Anyway. This year. 2011. Resolutions. Sometimes I make them, sometimes I break them, sometimes I don't bother even thinking about them. This year I think I'll make them, and do my best to keep them.

I want to be (and need to be) more focused. I need to make decisions and not continually waver from them. The "What if...?" game needs to stop. Hopefully I can do this.

I want to move to Canberra. It's about time I moved out of home. I will need a new job soon anyone, one with some permanency, and why not try down there? I need to get away from where I am now too. There are too many heartstrings attached to this place and I think a change of scenery will help.

I will be better with money. I will not buy things on impulse everytime I see something shiney. Hopefully this will lead to more money saved.

And I sort of want to take up walking or something. Just something gentle that doesn't make my body attack me, and something I won't get sick of in a hurry.

Anyway. Hope everyone had/has a fantastic time bringing in the new year, and may 2011 give you everything you could ever dream of asking from it.