Merry Christmas all!

Have a post

So. Me. I exist, apparently.

Health. Had to take some time off work the other week, just a couple of arvos and a whole day. Was too dead to be at work. Managed to squeak in to see the gp and he sent me to get blood tests. See the gi this coming Wednesday and apparently need to chat to him about my lipase enzymes and ask him why they're getting a little on the high side again. Otherwise I appear to be alive.

Work is still going okay, they've shuffled us around a bit and put me in a team doing stuff rather different to what I had been doing, and then leant me back to the team I had been in. Do wish they'd make up their mind as to where they want me, but hey. I am working and being paid for it. They've also brough the start time forward so I now get to start at 7:30 and finished at 4, 2 on Fridays. Loving it. See no point sitting around waiting to go to work when I wake up early anyway.

Outside of work, I'm burying my nose in random books, and I started going to a lapidary club - jewellry making and playing with stones. Enjoying it, but it's shut down over the hols, so I get to go back early Feb. Looking forward to going back.

Also thought I'd found someone worth my time, someone that might have given a crap, but as per usual as soon as I let my guard down I'm proven wrong. So I guess he can go stick it where the sun don't shine. Crazy old cat lady, here I come. S'pose I should be used to it. I'm just starting to feel like the wrong end of the magnet, things get vaguely close but get to a certain point and then run away. Eh. Shit happens I guess.

Anyway, that's my rant over for a while, though I'll bet there'll be something else to rant about soon enough. It is me, after all.

Post Script

Really hope everyone is okay out there, and if you're down at all over anything, know that I'm sending massive big hugs (although we all know internet hugs are kinda sucky compared to the real thing). :D

Random gloop.

Next time my body tells me it needs Red Bull and pain killers I am not going to ignore it. For real. Promise. Haven't been sleeping well lately, on top of all the normal fatiguey crap. Had someone have a go at me this morning about the amount of meds and stuff I'm on and they seemed to pull up very short of calling me a druggie. So I sat there at work the whole day with no Red Bull and no pain relief. I managed to keep my head off the keyboard, though my colleagues were under strict orders that if they found me face planted on the desk to just leave me there. Also didn't have any pain relief. My head doesn't like me today, so that was a challenge, and my back and hips are arguing with sitting still for 8 hours, but I did it. I am however caving, as damnit I need sleep! Also managed to get my mitts on some Phenerghan which should knock me out for a good few hours.

I really don't think it's fair to be treated like crap just because you have health issues that someone else doesn't have and doesn't/can't/won't understand. I mean, to get the meds to keep you in remission you basically have to turn yourself into a contortionist who doesn't care about their dignity and can leap blindfolded through flaming rings. And then there's not just the 20 questions, but the gazillion questions that the chemist throws at you if it isn't a prescription med (hello codiene), which stop very short of asking you about your mother's sexual history. Well okay, not quite that far, but bloody hell. I don't get why people treat the ligits like druggies, and the druggies get it all for fricking free, along with the sympathetic "Oh, you poor thing, it must be so hard giving up those live destroying drugs". *Insert worn out scream here* Just so fed up with it.

Work is going well. Money is good. Just wish the job had some degree of permanency to it. And I wish I was capable of making up my mind. One minute I've decided I'll move to Canberra, then I change it to Queensland, then West Aus, then somewhere completely random. All I know is I'm tired of where I am, and yet I'm too chicken to leave it.

Gagh. Anyway. I'm gonna bugger off now before I keep on ranting. Hadn't intended to. Really. Honest.

Oh, and I think I've developed an allergy to alcohol. Seems just recently everytime I drink any booze it starts playing up with the airways. All tight and swolen feeling, at least on the inside, as if they're closing up. Rather bothersome. Eh.

Random babblings of a tired person.

asdjfbgniapbrshBVatewnv zd.

Ahem. Yup, quite fluent in gibberish. :D

So, since last time. Am apparently anaemic now, down to 5 as opposed to somewhere low in the normal range of 10 to 30. Doc jumped on this to explain my fatigue and steered me in the direction of iron tablets. I wasn't going to tell him I've been tired for a year now and my iron levels have only just dropped for this blood test. Still dosing myself on redbull and tea, making it through the day.

Glands have gone down, apparently there wasn't any GF/mono, which is great, but still don't know what it was.

Got the humira script, it took near two weeks, and then when it did rock in at the doc's and they phoned and left a message, my phone neither rang not took said message so it was another four or five days before I could get the script. That in addition to crappy service after a merger in the last year or so sees me talking with my feet. Have a new sim with a new phone service provider rocking up sometime this week. Fingers crossed it works out better.

Have had my contract at work extended, am now employed until the end of Feb next year. Fingers crossed something permanent comes up.

Haven't been doing a great deal of late, just getting by I suppose. Reading a lot, and curling up withs the odd dvd, but otherwise, it's just the lovely cycle of work and sleep.

Bought a new fishtank recently, and have decked it out with all the modcons, new filter (shock horror, a proper one that works!) and plants. Letting it get stable before I go getting fish to put it in. The remaining fish is still kicking/swimming, however his tumour seems to be growing a bit, and I don't want to run the risk of it being infectious and infecting the tank before new fish go in, so for now he's staying put in his current home.

Also bought a couple of second hand coffee tables on the weekend, about two foot square but in rather good nick and only set me back $50 for the pair. Will probably spend the next few weekends sanding them back and staining them to match existing furniture. Should be a fun little project (see how boring my life is?).

Anyhow, off to bed (at 7:30.....). Wishing everyone health, and everything they could want. :)

Eh.

Soooo.... A fortnight on antibiotics and I'm able to speak and breathe and generally exist again. Finished said antibiotics a week ago, so have been back in the land of the living for a while.

Am however only getting by with my cans of red bull. The fatigue has gotten so much worse since I was sick, the sick went away but not the fatigue. And my glands are up, especially in my neck, and hurting like crazy. I had glandular fever/mono a few years back, and it's one of those fun things that likes to hibernate in your body and can reappear. Seeing as Humira can cause hibernatey things to reappear, I'm placing my bets on that.

Had general blood tests done a couple of days ago, and see the doc on Monday. Keeping one of those CDAI diaries at the moment, have to be reassessed for the Humira to see if it's helping any (trust me, MAJOR improvements). Forms to be filled in again and then get the script and back on the merry-go-round.

Had a kinda shit day today with work. Still loving the money, and being busy, and the people I'm with, but went massively down hill when I had to put an order in for baby sized body bags. Got halfway through putting the order in over the phone, reached the baby ones and starting bawling. Too many memories that are still too raw to handle things like that. But I'll be back there on Monday, and hopefully nowhere will have a shortage of body bags again any time soon.

Anyway. Off to enjoy my weekend. Have had a bubble bath, now to attack the bottle of Bundy. Tomorrow, maybe a sleep in, maybe a drive, who knows? And Sunday? I'll worry about that then.

Hope everyone is well!

Ooooh look, another blog entry.

So I was reading blogs as you do and then a thought popped in to my head. Why don't I actually write in my blog every time I sit here reading some? So I'm making an effort and writing again. Keep in mind, I am a rather boring person so the posts will likely be on repeat.

Since last time? I went to my company's annual charity golf day. Me. With a golf club? Yeah I may or may not have been literally rolling on the floor with laughter. Me and sports don't usually mix, and I was rather afraid of the ball staying put and the club going flying and collecting someone on the head. Fears were baseless though. Didn't end up playing. Instead got to enjoy the golf course at a leisurely pace, enjoying the birds and the trees, and attacking people with the camera. Got paid my usual wage for it, plus 2 bottles of decent wine, and also had the charity request the use of one of my shots in a new publication they put out. Paid and published in a day. I like it. :)

Have since finished with said company however, and it's their loss, not mine. I start a new job tomorrow, a contract role in a (hopefully!) nice cushy government job. Thinking about it, it's probably what I've been aiming for for quite some years. It's good hours (I get to leave early on Fridays for now), and it's damn good pay for what I'll be doing. I remember thinking when I first started work, fresh out of high school, that when I hit a certain figure with my pay then I would be doing well and would be happy. Well, I've hit that figure. Recently thought it wouldn't happen but hey. Let's just hope the smile stays put. :D Car should be paid off in a few weeks at most, then a few costs involved with it due at the end of the year. Should also be able to afford all the tech gadgets I'm after too before the end of the year. It feels nice to have enough money to be comfortable with.

Been laid back with a cold/flu thing the last week or so. Started feeling a bit blank last Saturday, then the sore throat hit on the Sunday. A cough started creeping in with headaches and a snuffly nose about Wednesday and then the voice disappeared. Managed to drag myself to the doc on Saturday just been and got some stuff to hopefully help, also hit up the chemist again today for more cough meds (spent three hours awake barking last night) and some nasal decongestant. Need to be awake/healthy for tomorrow. This weekend, just been going through the dvd collection, the odd bit of a book here and there, and icecream, not because I want to eat, but because I know I have to eat something. Mind, it was nice icecream. :)

Anyway. That's me over and out for another blog. Hope everyone is well.

Blog? Oh yeah....

Ahaha. A blog? Yup. Got one of those. Honestly I remember it now..... :D

So, brief sum up. Fatty didn't make it. Found him dead in the tank a day or so later. Still don't know what it was, but whatever it was that killed the fish tried to kill the filter too (the intake tube had also grown white fuzz by the time I discovered Fatty). Tank has since been cleaned with a mild solution of bleach, and the remaining fish is still in it's little bowl, just because I still don't trust the main tank.

Also had a birthday. At 23, I feel old. :P Or at least a poop load older than I should a lot of the time.

Work is ending. Been there since early May, was meant to be a short term temp bit then permanent but they never worked out if they actually wanted to employ me or not. Actually, about the only two decisions they made were not to train me (still sit there doing jack all), and to let me go. I have 2 weeks left. So I'm now trying to scrub up my cv so it looks somewhere near presentable. Getting rather bored with it, so here's a blog. :)

Humira is going well. Helping the gut and the joints, flared the psoraisis to buggery, so I can walk, and eat things again (within reason, the fructose can still be an issue), but I'm continually itching/burning/stinging/etc. Got a few site reactions for a few weeks, just a bit of a red patch around the injection site, not itchy though. No mark last time, and get to jab myself again later today. Glad it's working, about time something did.

Anyhoo. I'm a rather boring person really, so I've pretty much updated everything in those few paragraphs. Guess I'm heading back to that cv.... Darn. ;)

I'm a real girl!

Yup. Pinocchio voice and all while I'm saying that. Had my first lot of Humira today. All four injections. I gave three of them to myself!!!! Trust me, when you realise how terrified of needles I am, you will understand that the exclamation marks are necessary.

The three that went in my gut surprised me. I had a good howl and sob prior to the first one, dried my eyes, and then went, huh? Is that it? Didn't feel the first bit of the needle, and it's more just a pinching feeling (and even then not bad) towards the end of the needle. Finally, I approve of my belly fat. As a matter of fact, I've found a newly discovered love for it. Then the one in the leg. In a movie, a reversing truck would have been conveniently placed at this part. NEVER AGAIN! I do have lovely flabby, wobbly legs, but clearly I must have found the one spot that didn't have the cotton wool protection of flubber. It hurt, I cried. I highly recommend the stomach. Feeling slightly nauseous a few hours after, took a maxalon left over from the 6mp fiasco and seem fine with it now. No itching, redness, soreness what so ever.

In other news my darling black moor gave up the ghost on Sunday morning. Thursday night he was black and scaley, by Friday morning he was white and fuzzy, particularly near his head. Dad finally decided on Sunday that I'm permitted to get a larger tank. This morning (Tuesday), I notice Fatty is looking slightly less calico and slightly more white and fuzzy, particularly around the head. Have everything crossed, but seeing as the moor didn't respond to medication in the iso tank, I'm not holding my breath. Also, I know most people are thinking 'Who cares, they're just fish'. I love animals, and would love to have a cat or dog or multiples of each. My dad isn't so much an animal person (see: views them as a waste of time/money/space), so to me, my fish have become something like surrogate cats and dogs. Rather attached, so it kinda hurts when I'm unable to look after them properly due to unfair restraints.

Anyway, otherwise life isn't too bad. Still absolutely dead on my feet, and the joints are still sore, but fingers crossed things will improve with the Humira.

Hope everyone is well.

All aboard the Humira train!

Not dead! Promise.

Managed to poop in a jar. Still don't know the results of that. And had the ultrasound thing done. Ultrasound shows everything in the upper abdo to be normal. Blood tests? Thing that's meant to be under 6 is back down to 9. From 179 a week before (a few days after the oh-Gods-I'm-dying pain originally kicked in).

In other good news? Humira! Yay! The dumbass government finally decided that seeing as I couldn't keep food down (or brush my teeth properly without heaving) and had what was a very good dopelganger for pancreatitis with the 6mp, that they'll let me go on Humira. Scraipt is apparently in the mail on the way to the GIs and hopefully I'll be starting it soon after that.

Downside? Doc is insisting that I get taught how to use it by nurses at the hospital my brother died in. Considering I've been told that any chemist/pharmacist with half a brain is capable of showing me how to use it, I'm rather tetchy with the doc over this. He just would not budge on it, even when he knew the reason why. Eh. Shit happens I s'pose.

Still fatigued a fair bit/normal for me, and the joints are still twinging, but fingers crossed (everything crossed really) that the Humira will help that too.

Bring on the world! I'll be human again! :D

So after various appointments with the doc and multiple blood tests, he's come to the conclusion that I don't have pancreatitis. Thank the gods for small mercies. Pain had pretty much gone since stopping the meds, but the nausea is still there to a certain degree. Am managing food, but still feel rather off, even after the maxalon. Have to get antoher ultrasound done on Monday morning, which means more time off work, just to confirm that it isn't pancreatitis, even though he's already decided it isn't. Then have to go get yet more blood tests (will be the fourth lot in a week) and poop in a jar to rule out infection. Downside to that is I'm still having the varying swings between constipation and diarrhoea. Fingers crossed I can poop on cue hey?

Very worried about work. Doctor ordered me off work last week, and as I'm a temp/on a contract I had to ring in every day (not to mention not get paid for it). By Friday the boss seemed a little bit on the cold side. Doc seemed to be about to order me off work for the coming week too, until I told him I'd probably lose my job if he did that. Still seems rather not happy with the idea of me being at work, but what can I do about it? It's work now and maybe save my job, or not work now and possibly not work for quite some time, and with no savings, that's just not an option.

Oh, also was mentioned that the doc will try again for Humira seeing as the 6mp failed. Theoretically they can't turn me down, but we'll see. It is the government after all.

Anyway, I'm off to find my anti-spew drugs in an attempt to shut my stomach up. Hope everyone is well.

Quick update

Saw GI. Took me off both 6mp and Salofalk. Now on no meds for the Crohn's. Feels very strange. Has given me the week off work (which is good in the respect of needing to rest, but not so much in the not being paid respect), and given me endone for the pain anf maxalon for the nausea. Sent me to get blood tests today because he thinks it could be Pancreatitis. Will find out later today or sometime tomorrow what the results are.

Right now, tired as buggery, slightly dizzy, and two hours after taking the maxalon it doesn't really appear to be working. Off to bed for the day.

Hope everyone else is of better health and those that have had troubles lately I really hope things are starting to look up for you.

Yep. OJ definitely better the first time.

Managed to drag myself in to work today, though only for a few hours. The back and the pain just below the ribs was really playing up, difficult to move, difficult to walk, hurts to breathe..... Then there's the nausea. While I have no idea what's causing the other random pains, I'm fairly sure the nausea is a result of the 6mp. Spent a while dry retching this morning at work, which the boss commented on when I asked if I could come home. He also seems understanding of the meds, which is great. I believe his wife has some sort of arthritis and she's had the fun of all the hoops to jump through too.

Have had my weekly blood tests done, mum drove me, and have had everything that was in my stomach (ie one glass of oj) come back up. It's not often I have stuff come up, normally I just spend the day running and dry retching, which is actually possibly worse, but yeah. Just feeling very rotten with it all.

Had a red bull this morning. Promptly started falling asleep. Some sort of indication that I'm tired perhaps?

Managed to make an appointment to see the GI tomorrow arvo, so hopefully he'll have some idea as to what's wrong and even more hopefully, how to fix it.

Upside to all of this? ..... Actually still trying to work that one out. Will let you know when I've figured it out.

Don't feel as though I've whinged as bad as usual today. Feels good.

It's a small world after all.....

Yep, just had to go and implant that in your brains.

Meanwhile, yes, a small world, a small world of pain that is. To my recent memory (that is the past few months) I have had one weekend (read three days) where my pain was tolerable, even to the point of being gone. I went away that weekend. It was cold. Like -4 degrees C cold. I skipped. I jumped on the crunchy frosted leaves.  I ate food that I just plain should not have gone near. I rather liked that weekend.

Now that I'm not in the wonderful cold land where my pain seems to disappear (Canberra, I do so love it, will move there one day), my pain is back. Joint pain is there. Normal Crohn's pain is there. Random pain just below the middle of my ribcage that feels as though Wolverine has decided to punch me repeatedly is there, blades and all. And now I have this delightful back pain that I have no idea what I did to cause it. All I know is it's causing me to wake up in pure agony of a night bawling my eyes out. Hurts somewhat worse than it did when I spent the night in hospital after a car crash. Hurts to breathe.

But you know what? I get to just shut up and deal with it. I've had people pull up extremely short of calling me a hypochondriac, and the same said people pull up again extremely short of telling me I'm a nutcase and it's all in my head. I've also been told to stop taking so many pain killers (Note, taking no more than the max daily recommended).

Also been knocked back for Humira. Long story short, random doctors lied to me (what a surprise), and the Government has delightful double standards. Eg recognising something as a side effect, acknowledging it as a reason to stop taking it if it was prescribed for illness A, but not if it was prescribed for illness B. Have been put on 6mp, and have watched it increase the diarrhoea, possibly increase all that wonderful chest pain, and it's possibly causing the wonderful nausea that I've had that keeps getting worse. Can't brush my teeth or swallow tablets without throwing up. Then again, the nausea could just be from the cold that I've managed to pick up somewhere.

Dear world: Had enough, fuck you.

Dear Old Hag, please go away.

Ah life.  Where would we be without it apart from enjoying ourselves?

Ahem.  I believe I left you just before I started pooping green waterfalls, so I will take it from there.  Spent the evening pooping green waterfalls and was nill by mouth from midnight until the time of my being knocked unconscious and having things shoved in places they should not be shoved.  I had been told to present to the hospital at 9:30 (despite the doc telling me to arrange a time sometime between 7 and 9), and had been booked in for a 10 am time slot.  At about quarter to one a somewhat tired, cold, hungry, thirsty, contankerous and downright unbearable me was finally knocked out.  Usually scenario of farting like a hippo upon waking up in recovery before being wheeled out into the post recovery area to be treated to sprite and sandwiches.  Made from bread.  Made from wheat.  :/  The sprite admittedly was very good.  The sandwiches remained in their packaging.  Also adding to the usual scenario while in recovery was the doctor coming around and talking to me the moment my eyes had fluttered open (and then promptly closed again) under the assumption that open eyes equates to consciousness.  Hate to tell them, but it really doesn't.  Was driven home by mum, ate a rissole and watched Sherlock Holmes (which actually wasn't quite so bad).

Spent a few days afterwards in increasing degrees of agony, ending with me curling up in a ball and having a bit of a cry at work.  Settled down for a few days and seems to be randomly attacking me.  Since the procedure, have seen my doc (5:30 appointment, I got in there about 6, and didn't get out until around 7:30....) and shock horror was told that there's inflamation present in the terminal ileum.  Really?  Inflamation with Crohn's?  Never would have guessed.  On the bright side, to qualify for Humira you have to have a CDAI of over 300.  Even after they'd taken 10 points off me for being fat (I weigh 75kilos, most things say I should weigh around 55, however the thing for Humira says I should weigh 49.  Imagine if they'd seen me when I ballooned at 95!) I still came out at 388.  Application for Humira is submitted!  Only thing the GI's not sure about, is when I was on Imuran, I had to stop taking it because I was getting crappy headaches.  The government recognises headaches as side effects of the drug, however they do not recognise it was a reason to stop taking it (and still being able to qualify for Humira).  GI said he'll try his best anyway though.  Here's to hoping!  If not, the new reumy (who I see tomorrow arvo) seems fairly confident he can get me there with the joint pain.

Oh, and apparently my liver's still erring a little on the stuffed side, so I'm being sent to get an ultrasound done of it.

In non-Crohn's news, am working.  Well, I get up, drive to a place of work, and get paid for the day.  Am however not doing a damned thing, and I'm starting to get tetchy about it.  I want to work so the memories will leave me alone.  Sitting in a chair doing nothing for eight hours a day is not achieving this.  Hopefully, they'll realise fairly soon that they're paying me to do nothing and will give me something to do.  Oh, also don't believe I mentioned that it took the head office two weeks to arrange a computer for me, as a result of HR and IT arguing over who's job it was to issue me with an employee number.  Like the people, like the place.  Just want some work.

Have been attacking more yarn projects (again, can't show here because people who are receiving said things read this blog.  :P) and been thoroughly enjoying my books.  Rather disappointed in the bookshops though, because I've been looking for particular books for some years now, and they've only just got the series in that I want just when I really can't afford it (paying parents back for stuff, various med bills coming in, and saving for bigger stuff).  Cranky aimed at you A&R!

Fish are being fish.  The redcap is now back in the old fish bowl that they were all in originally, however still in isolation.  It became evident that the tank it was in had sprung a small leak and had been slowly leaking since being filled up a few months ago.  Lump on its side is now looking more like a wart than a blister, so I'm fairly sure the poor thing has a tumor as opposed to anything curable.  The other two are going alright, although the tank's green again for a little while, just not sure if the moor has white spots on him (again!).

Oh, will try and throw a link to this up the side somewhere, but for now, have a link to my Deviant Art account.  A lot of my photography goes up there, as well as food and yarn stuff I've made. 

http://lady-dao.deviantart.com/

Hah, the joy of it.

Off to dope myself on the first dose of poop liquid in about half hour or so.  I expect about two or three hours after that when I take the big lot is about when I'll become somewhat incapacitated for the evening.  Books are stacked and ready, sports drinks are chilling in the fridge, and right now, I'm going to go and make the most of not pooping by watching a dvd (and also helping mum cook curry for tomorrow night's dinner).  :D

Hope everyone is well.


PS-  I HATE FLAGYL!!!  Can't stand the taste in my mouth right now and not being able to get rid of it.

Stupid Old Hag

Happy birthday to my goldfishies!!!!  :P  Didn't get around to making them a cake, but will as soon as I have the chance/can eat cake again.

Now to non fish news.

Started my new job this Monday.  Week one down!  Struggling a bit, really know nothing about the industry, or the role really, and I still don't understand half the stuff I need to know and the woman who is teaching me the stuff is going away for a possible three months, two at the minimum.  Will soldier on though.  Need the money, need to keep a job.

Also went and saw the new reumatologist Monday arvo.  Took blood test results from the last 12 months as well as the x-rays that the idiot doctor did last year.  Finally, a doctor that can restore a little bit of faith in me.  He rang my GI while I was there, and brought my appointment forward with him to the next day, and they're pushing for the Humira.  Reumy is confident that if the GI can't get it with the Crohn's, he can get it with the joint pain.  Maybe there are gods.....

As mentioned, saw the GI on Tuesday arvo.  I'd had a cold recently, and also stomach pain.  Wasn't sure if it was from the cold, or from damage from the ibuprofen, or from Crohn's.  Stopped taking the nurofen, and hello liquid.  Stomach pain is quite severe sometimes, and everything is going straight through, to the point where recognition of the last meal is incredibly easy.  Food just isn't being digested, and is very obvious as to what it is later on.  Slime is back, and a teeny bit of blood.  It's the pain that's worrying me the most though.  Also have absolutely no appetite.  Only eating to keep everyone else happy really.

This weekend I get to undertake a delightful diet again, only to be knocked out and have things shoved in all sorts of delightful places on Monday.  For those new to my blog, I refer you now to the first or second entry of this blog, one of them details the delights of this and saves me redoing it.

Also been put on Flagyl for a while, just incase all the Crohn's symptoms are not actually the old hag, but an infection instead.  Rather ticked off about this, because the doctor admitted there's a 99.99$ chance it's the Crohn's flaring, but just to be on the safe side, I get to miss out on my stress relief (aka a nice bottle of Bundy rum) for the next week or two.  Bah humbug.

Had blood tests done again the other arvo.  Had to get jabbed three times.  My good vein decided to go to sleep again, so they had to use the other arm, and then they forgot to get some for some particular tests so had to jab me again.  I think they were rather inexperienced 'cause they kept jiggling the needle (probably unintentionally) and so it hurt and bled around the needle while they did it.  Now also have some lovely bruises and track marks on both arms......

Also have to go and get chest xrays to confirm I've not had TB before.  Apparently just some pre-Humira check or something.

I exist.

Blergh.  Dying from the plague, or at least some doppleganger of it.  Went and got the 'flu shot the other week and have been slowly deteriorating ever since.  Also on the medical side of things, I have an appointment to see a new rheumatologist this coming Monday arvo, so hopefully things'll start going right huh?  Am also needing to see the skin doc again.  The psoraisis is flaring like a bitch - itching, stinging, burning, weeping and oozing to the point of making clothes wet, and it's got the whole rotting flesh smell going on too.  Maybe if the docs work together they can work something out?  Eg - the humira that treats the Crohn's, and the joint pain, and the psoraisis.......

Went and got myself on welfare benefits.  Got my first payment this previous Monday and then yesterday needed to ring up and try to cancel said payments.  Got offered a job!!!  Working with a massive international mining company starting Monday.  They even seem flexible enough to deal with the doc appointments!  Yay for awesome employers!

In a fish update, I'm down to the three goldfish.  The last catfish keeled over and died a few weeks ago now and I'm still scratching my head as to why.  But, the goldfish aren't far out from their first birthday (14th May!) and yes, I'm going to be the crazy pet owner and make them a birthday cake.  :D

Been working on various little projects to try and keep my sanity, when my fingers will allow it, photos will appear eventually.  Promise.  :)

Hope everyone is well/recovering from any bad stuff.

Bruised butt? Bring it on!

Huh.  So it seems that not only do I get spam in English in my inbox offering to make my assumed penis 'absolutely massive to wow the ladies' (just for the record, the last time I checked I was well and truly female), I'm now getting similar spam in Chinese on my blog.  Dear Idiots, you're just ever so slightly sucktacular.  Word verification now on.

Ahem.  A blog.  :)

Is it possible to bruise the inside of your butt?  In the last few weeks I've gone from liquid or normal, to lumps of cement.  The other day, that delightful "You need to go yesterday" sensation occurred, so off I bolted.  And then it got stuck.  Me sitting there going bright red in the face and getting a lovely headache from the straining and The Lump just stuck there.  It wasn't going out, it couldn't be pinched off like usual, and it sure as heck wasn't going back in.  Eventually, The Lump moved, and I thought all was good.  Until I had the urge to go again.  It moved, but oh Gods it hurt!  No blood, so I'm guessing no cracks (pun not intended), but really.  Is it possible to bruise the inside of your butt?

Pain relief is proving rather difficult lately.  The stuff I take has ibuprofen (which I know is bad, but the docs don't seem to wan't to give me anything else) and codeine in it.  There's been a change in the system now so that from the 1st of May, if you want to buy a box with more than 30 in it, you need a prescription.  Now some may say 30 is all well and good, but here's the catch.  You can only buy one box, once every five days.  I go through eight a day, so I'm a little bit screwed.  About the only way around it is to hit up all the different chemists in the area, and that's gonna take a fair bit of time.  So I think ultimately I'm just going to have to throw a tantrum back at the doctor when he doesn't want to prescribe me anything, and he's just going to have to refer me to a different rhumatologist.  Something needs doing and if I can't access the meds that make things slightly better then I think some heads need to roll.  I'm the patient, damnit!  The whole gig goes, I give you money, you make me better.  Not I give you money and you ignore me.

All ranted out.  :)

Still unemployed, possibly hitting up a government agency thing tomorrow to see if there's any welfare payments that I qualify for and if they can help me find work.  Tried some recruitment agencies, but it seems the Crohn's could be an issue for them (as in everything was going fine and great guns until that was mentioned).  Unfortunately, nothing to prove that it's discrimination, so I've got nothing to throw at them.

Trying to keep my sanity through various methods.  Long drives are unfortunately not an option at the moment, they seem to land me in a fair deal of pain.  I'm managing sometimes to get a bit of work done on the blanket I'm making, and I'm chewing my way through the books I've got piled next to my bed.

I've also taken to collecting paint chips.  Not as crazy as it sounds!  Five figures in the red, no job, no money, but my goal is to start investing in property, starting first with my own home.  Paint chips keep my head up by reminding me of all the pretty colours that are going on the walls when I get the place.  And then that sparks ideas for the floor (polished floorboards, which will be so much easier on my back than carpet when it comes to cleaning) and the kitchen (massive old country style) and the backyard (bring on the chook shed and veggie patch!).  So yeah.  Weird yes, but not completely insane.  :)

Oh!  Fish update!  Still have all three goldfish and the remaining catfish.  Still in their craptacular tank, bar my little redcap.  It seems like he has some sort of cyst on his side and because I'm not sure if it's something contagious he's been in an isolation tank for a little while.  The cyst doesn't overly seem to be bothering him, and I think because of the extra space they all have now, they're all growing.  Not quite so tiny anymore, but still what the fish stores are selling as small.  New fishtank will come with money which will come with a job, so one day.  :)

Also thankyou to all for the support.  Each new day is another foot infront of the other.

Well shit.

So it turns out my brother didn't have epilepsy after all.  They worked out it was an infection and massive pressure in the brain that was causing the seizures.  Sadly after 4 ops and around 10 days in ICU, he passed away on 13 March.

Kitchen fail

Also, forgot to mention, attempted making a cheesey veg bake.  From a packet I will add.  The picture on the front of the packet looked all nice and creamy and cheesey and gooey and altogether just terrific so I was really looking forward to it.  Followed the instructions, and didn't worry about taking photos of my soup.  Yes, soup.  It's about the only way I can describe it.  It still tasted pretty good (though I think the old hag might be disagreeing) but it was in no way a cheesey vegetable bake.  Yay for stuffing up packet mix food!  :D

Eh.

Struggling somewhat to even crawl out of bed the last few days, but I'm managing and thought maybe it's time for an update again.

Main news involves my brother.  He was born with brain damage (not sure if I've mentioned that previously or not), and had a rather horrid seizure on Christmas eve.  Well, things went okay with that for a bit, but he's been in hospital for about two weeks now, and he's to the point where he's either near comatose in sleep, throwing up, having a seizure or crying about a headache.  The doctors diagnosed him as epileptic a few days ago and put him on anti-seizure stuff, but so far it doesn't really seem to be working (what, with the continued seizures) and it seems like the docs are scratching their heads as to what exactly is going on.  It's taking it's toll on the rest of us, but fingers crossed something happens and things start improving.

Living on red bull the last week or so.  I know it's not exactly healthy, but seeing as it seems to be working I'll keep drinking it.  Just wish I could deal without it.  It's letting me get to the gym at least, and do the necessities at home, so yay.

In response to Lindsey's query about my fish, the garbage disposal units are going great guns.  Sadly, I found another one of my catfish dead at about the same time as the ambos were carting my brother out the front door.  One catfish left, hoping this one lasts.  They're still in their piss poor pathetic excuse for a tank, and the filter isn't doing anything for them, but will hopefully get a new tank setup worked out soon (soon being by the end of the year).  The goldfish'll be a year old in May, or at least I'll have had them a year.  Doesn't seem like so long though.

Applying for jobs lately, but not having much luck.  I'm either being ignored or getting letters that say I'm not good enough.  Hopefully though I'll get something soon, before the savings run out completely.  Also started a medical terminology/admin course last Saturday.  It goes for four weeks, just on the Saturdays, and I'm kinda hoping that'll get my toe in the door somewhere.  Gives me more options either way.

Have an update.

Oh wow, so last time I left you with me heading for Canberra.  Feels like forever ago.  Have a blog update!

Canberra.
I've been to Canberra once before.  It was when I was 11 or 12 and for a school camp, though camp's probably the wrong word seeing as there were no tents or wilderness involved.  So seeing as it was a good ten years ago or more, I barely remember any of it, so for me this time was fantastic.  Yay for exploring!  Got a satnav for Chrissy off the folks so wasn't worried about getting lost, which, looking back, it would have been somewhat hilarious really if I had of done.  The drive down was fantastic.  5 hours or so or freeways and highways and I found it to be a much nicer drive than the one I normally do when I head north.  Stopped in a small town called Berrima on the way.  Fantastic old town with old buildings.  I love old things and history so I was having a blast.  Had lunch at maccas in Goulbourn, and stuffed myself with Imodium (which I continued to live off for the next day or so).  I knew my grandmother had lived there when she was a little girl, so obviously my great grandmother had lived there too.  What I didn't realise and found out after I'd got home was that my great great grandmother had lived there, so probably about the time the town was founded (ie, a long long time ago).  Grandma remembers the street they lived in and apparently the old dairy is still out the back, so next time I'm down that way I might drive past for a squiz.  Can't resist personal history.  :)  Anyway, made Canberra and it started to pour rain.  Obviously does so a fair bit because it's a heck of a lot greener there than it is where I am.  Quite lovely.  Got to the War Memorial about 2:30/3ish and stayed until it closed.  Didn't get to see everything, though did get to see the bugler at the end of the day.  The memorial is quite close to my mate's place, so only took a few minutes, even in the 5 o'clock traffic to get there.  Thoroughly enjoyed the company of some lovely people and even managed a bit of sleep.

I had been meaning to stay until the Sunday, what with the housewarming being on the Saturday, however woke up in a fair degree of pain, both joints and stomach, and somewhat exhausted (when I'm not in my bed I toss and turn and wake up continually, so any sleep I get is very interrupted), so around lunchtime on Saturday I headed home.  Took a week for the pain to eventually settle down to normal, but it was really good to get down there.  Hoping next time I'll be a bit healthier and actually be able to stay long enough for a proper catch up.


Not Canberra.
Healthwise, I'm alive.  All the scary blood tests came back clear, which is fantastic, however I'm still exhausted, and have been getting horrid headaches for about 2 weeks now.  My doctor doesn't seem phased by either, though I would appreciate being able to wake up and have some energy and a head that doesn't hate me.  I'm also no longer seeing my rheumatologist.  I'm completely over having him change his diagnosis (now it's apparently inflamed bursae) based on stuff that's obviously only in his immagination because he sure as heck isn't doing any tests or anything.  Also fed up with having to hand over $115 every time I see him, only to be told to do the same things (which interestingly when you read about inflamed bursae, he's telling me to do the opposite to the standard treatments), when I'm unemployed and running very low on funds.  Obviously I need something done because I can't keep going on with my joints randomly spazzing out on me, so next time I see the GP I'll get him to refer me to someone else for a second opinion.  Maybe then I'll start getting some answers.  The psoraisis is also driving me stir crazy so I'm going to see if something can be done about that too.  Sorry if I sound whingey at all, I just need to vent a little.

Managed to make it to the Craft Fair again this year.  Almost regretted it entirely as it was the same as last year (too many stalls all crammed together, the same stalls as last year, very rude and pushy people (not the stall holders, they were good), and over the top prices.  Only thing that really made it worth it was the stall with the fake but brilliant Pandora beads.  I refuse to pay $100 per bead, so if I can get pretty things for a dollar, I'll pay it.  Bought $74 worth of stuff including beads and another bracelet, and got a discount so only paid $60.  Yes, I know, no job and I whinge about spending money, but it's pretty and makes me feel happy, and it can all be changed daily to go with whatever I'm wearing, so I figure it's fairly good value for money.

Have also cooked a few bits and pieces recently, so I'll throw so pics up when I find them again.  They like hiding on the computer.  :)  Oh!  And same applies to some little crochet amigurumi critters I've been making.  They keep me sane, and they're cute.  Photos to come soon.

Anyway, hope everyone is well.

Time for a quickie...

I'm alive!  Promise!  Just forgetting to blog/having nothing to really blog about.

Local time it's about 10pm, and I've gotta be up before 6 in the morning so I'll keep it brief and fill in the details some other time.  Also had a few wines, so if the spelling is off/I don't sound normal, that's my excuse.

Crohn's = not killing me, which I'm thankful for.
Fructose = causing problems when I don't avoid high doseages.  It's slightly less forgiving than before.
Arthritis/Arthralga/Joint Pain = Still there occasionally.  Enough to make me whinge and random enough to be annoying.
Chronic Fatigue = Flared with a vengeance.  Bring on the Red Bull!
Psoraisis = Flared under my arms and on my scalp so am occasionally itching in a monkey-like fashion.  I'm sure this appears odd though amusing to anyone watching.

Other news:
I have joined a gym, Curves to be precise.  Enjoying it, surprisingly, and after less than two weeks am already seeing benefits.
Will be in the nation's capital, Canberra, for the weekend.  Heading down for a housewarming, but also to have a look at some (what I would call) touristy places, moreso the Australian War Memorial, and Lake Burley Griffin.
Also finally finished a project yesterday that I've been working on for nearly 18 months.  No photos or descriptions as it is a present for some friends and they may read this before they get it.  Photos will ensue soon.

Hope everyone is well and that the old hag is behaving for you all.

Today's whinge brought to you by....

So I've taken myself off the ibuprofen for my joints in the hope that my stomach wouldn't get any worse.  Have spent today near doubled over in pain and with yellow liquid coming out my butt, along with barely being able to move from joint pain.  Oh, and did I mention I was tired?

Very entirely over chronic illness right now.  I mean heck, I was just starting to look for jobs again too, and now chances are that the GI will say he wants to shove things up my butt and then probably tell me he wants me back on the pred.  What a great way that'll be to start off a new job.

Apologies, I'm not exactly a happy camper.

Alive. Really, I am.

Firstly, hope everyone has been having a great 2010 so far.

Secondly, not dead. :D

Time for an update though. New years was spent at home. Tired, and had some sort of bug/virus thing which just wasn't nice. Think I was asleep by about 10 and woke up about 12:05 to fire crackers going off nearby. Five minutes late guys! Vaguely got over that virus and then felt like I had another coming on, though it's settled down.

Absolutely exhausted of late though, fairly certain it's the chronic fatigue flaring again. Seriously, settle most things down and one flares again. Not quite enough hands to keep pushing them down.

Also slightly worried about the Crohn's. My gut's been sore possibly since about Christmas, though I'm really not sure whether it's the old hag again, the remnants of the virus, or just because I've not really been following the fructose free diet. Also was told last time I saw the GI (brilliant timing with it being just three days before Christmas) that he's going to be testing me for diabetes (again), coeliacs, hepatitis a, b and c, lupus and various other chronic illnesses. This was after he told me "Your liver is looking better.", to which I squeaked "There was something wrong with my liver?". He'd been telling me my bloods were fine, even when I was asking about them, and then he turns round and tells me there's something slightly off with the liver, that it could just be fatty liver from all the weight I put on (that he didn't warn me about), but he'll test me for everything else just in case. Wonderful way to say Merry Christmas, no? Here, merry Christmas, and have some stress.

I'm also considering a second opinion on my joints. It just doesn't seem fair to me that whenever I go there I say, "Blah thing is making my joints hurt worse" (ie, keeping me awake at night, making it difficult to walk or drive, etc) and being met with, "That's nice, do blah and that'll make it better". Blah is the same thing in both sentences, whether that be heat or exercise or whatever the heck it is.

Meanwhile, now that the bitching is out of the way, on to the better stuff.

Jumping back on the job hunt bandwagon, but am also considering whether to stay put with my family or pack up and move, possibly to another state. Partly for the independence, partly just for the heck of it.

Found another Sue Shepherd cookbook today, so will hopefully be attacking recipes out of there soon. It's just so much better when I can pick up a cookbook and know that I've only got to worry about one gut issue (in this case the Crohn's), rather than both.

29 Dec last year, bought a new car. Picked it up on New Years Eve. Shiny showroom-new red Getz. And it's brilliant! Handles the freeways and dirt roads perfectly. Old car was getting just a little old and rattly, and while possibly would have kept going for ages, it needed work and I was looking at getting the new car anyway, so I decided to make the best of some sales. Very happy with it though, and wouldn't trade it for the world right now.