The cats are on my side!

So there's this cat that lives somewhere nearby. Beautiful black and white fluffy cat. Months ago, mum and I were outside and it came into the backyard and was meowing and looked scruffy and yeah. Eventually encouraged it to come over and was trying to read the tag on it's collar when dad came out and scared it away (deliberately. Animal hater! And yes dad, I will rub that in any chance I get that you hate the main thing that makes me happy.). Anyway. Said black and white cat no longer comes in our yard when anyone is outside. It does however come and sleep on our comfy outdoor chairs (black and white fur indicates this, as does the occasional glimpse of it as it runs away in the mornings when we turn the light on).

That's the history of the story. The rest of it goes: I want a cat. Dad says no. The other afternoon I couldn't help but laugh. I'd just gotten home from work and was talking to dad in the kitchen, looking out the window while talking. Dad was unpacking the dishwasher so couldn't really see out the window. We have colourbond (metal) fences all around our yard, and occasionally you'll see a cat take a few cautious steps on the top (which is capped so it wouldn't hurt their feet, but it is very narrow) then jump down into a neighbouring yard. While talking to dad, I watched a beautiful brown tabby cat trot along one side neighbour's fence, turn, and start trotting along the back fence. By the time he was half way along I was laughing enough for dad to ask what it was about. I pointed as the cat continued to trot along the fence, and then as if to say "Nyah nyah!", he turned again and trotted along the other side neighbour's fence some distance before jumping down into their yard. All I could say was "The black and white one must have told him not to come in our yard".

...Yeah, not so humourous in the retelling, but it was somewhat amusing at the time. I swear the cats are on my side.

So. Onto the normality of my blogs.

I hate antibiotics. I am sick of crapping liquid (or near enough to it) wrapped in a nice coating of slime. I'm worried in a way though that it's a Crohn's flare and not the antibiotics. I'm getting the Crohn's pains again, and I have backed off the Pred since the last time I had severe problems with the old hag. Though I'm not sure if certain foods are bugging it, and if it were the old hag again then those foods would be causing utter chaos. The thing that bugs me the most at the moment though isn't just that it's more liquified than usual, it's that every single time I go to the ladies my gut/butt decides, "Oh, you're peeing, so you must need to poop too" and I swear it just starts leaking and there's nothing I can do to stop it. Hate!

I did however cave in and read all the fine print on the pamphlet that comes with the antibiotics to see where it said I couldn't have alcohol. Because as everyone knows, antibiotics and alcohol are supposedly a big no-no. But no! I find the bit re alcohol and it just says be careful because in some people it can have adverse affects. But otherwise go ahead! Eat, drink and be merry! So I take that as a thumbs up and off I go. Well.... I allowed myself a drink. Currently alternating each night between Kahlua and gin. Hadn't really had either before, but they were both cheap, and they didn't have my regular rum and I didn't want the other one, so I thought what the heck and bought them and I like them. And there's a lot of ands in that sentence. Oops..... :)

My little black fish still has those big white spots on his side. I'm worried that they won't clear up, the poor thing. Need to turn the water green again soon. I hope it helps him... Otherwise I think they might hate me today. I forgot to turn their light off last night before I left.

Got my money back from my tax return the other day. Just trying to decide whether to spend it on the camera I want or to chuck it in savings. I don't really need the camera, rather just want it, but it could be handy. *shrug* Maybe I can do both.

Sleep! Wonderful sleep!

Friday saw me trundle off to work. Also saw me trundle back home less than an hour later. Feeling pukey, dizzy, sore throat, ears blocked, nose blocked, coughing. The whole shebang. Curled up and watched Weeds. Instant fixer-upper, though a bit of a downer when I realised I have no more new episodes to watch. I believe I may have tried to read at some point too. Took a sleeping tablet and passed out at 8:30 or so, didn't wake up until 8 the next morning when the phone woke me up. Call not for me, was slightly grumpy at being woken up and proceeded to doze for another hour or so.

Saturday saw me wander to Bunnings (giant big hardware store of goodness!) despite feeling like complete and utter crap. Found the paint section and proceeded to gather any piece of paper that had a pretty colour on it (read: bright colours). See, I want my own place one day, but am getting impatient with the whole waiting until I have a deposit saved. Getting paint chips reminds me that I need the deposit in order to get my own place in order to paint it with said pretty colours. Went home, sat and crocheted for the afternoon. Blanket is vaguely happening. Had another sleeping tablet after The Bill (British drama-y goodness, oh how I love it!) and didn't wake up for ten and a half hours. Lovely!

Yesterday I felt a bit better (yay! Happy dance!) and went out again (the answer to "Do I ever have a day where I don't go out?" is "Yes, once in a blue moon"). Found fun comfy chairs to play with (seriously, when did office chairs become good enough that you can use them as an arm chair AND a rocking chair?), the camera I want for over $100 less than RRP (will buy after next pay day. Insert happy squealing here!), and horseshoe gramma (makes for delicious pies made by mum).

No sleeping tablets, and thus today I've been awake since 3am. Insomnia is a bitch that I would like to slaughter. Can't have slaughter without laughter...... Ahem. Have had coffee. Much. Very strong. Am awake. Really. But on the bright side, I do feel somewhat better today. While I'm still dizzy, my nose is unblocked enough that I can breathe through it, and my ears seem to be unblocking occasionally, which is awesome for hearing.

My fish appreciated a water change. And I proceeded to dye their water green again. :D Worried about my little black one. Still has the white spot on his side. Not sure if it might be getting bigger too.... New plants are in order I think too. Next pay day.... Running slightly low on money this fortnight. That's what I get for trying to save and spend at the same time.

So yesterday was a day at home. I rang the doctor's surgery in the morning and whinged and whinged enough that they squeezed me in, despite having no appointments left. GP was in a friendly mood when I saw him, possibly because it was just after lunch, but whatever the reason, I'm not complaining. Talked to him about the arthritis, which the rhumy had just said in his letter was inflammatory arthritis, no name or anything. Intelligent idiot that I am though, I forgot to ask for pain killers. Did get a renewal for a script I needed, and got put on antibiotics for the cold with strict instructions to go back immediately if my cough turns into a chesty one. Incidentally, the antibiotics he put me on? They're the ones he put me on last time I was sick for ages. And the diarrhea never went away. And they diagnosed me with Crohn's. Also asked for sleeping tablets, and was given them (or at least the prescription, I had to pay for the meds) on the proviso that I don't take them every night and get myself hooked.

Otherwise yesterday was a typical sick day. Grumpy, tired, sore throat, blocked ears, headaches.... Yet it was actually a rather productive day. Finished reading Tandia by Bryce Courtenay, restarted my scarf (for the gazillionth time 'cause I keep stuffing it up) and got a bit of it done (before my elbow started complaining), played the ds for a while, watched some of my The Cook and The Chef dvds (note to self: must make the lamb and barley stew!), and started reading The Girl In Time Square by Paullina Simons.

Today I'm at work. I have trouble dealing with my family sometimes when I'm healthy, it's made all the more difficult when I'm not well. Don't get me wrong, most of the time we get along fine. Just sometimes they're, well.... Family. Still not anywhere near 100%, still stuffed up beautifully in the nose, ears are on holiday, head's aching a bit, throat has improved a bit but is still sore.... Bah to colds.

Changed the water for the fish today. Not even sure that it needed it, but they've had the same water nearly two weeks now, so I figure it can't hurt. Turned their water green again too. And managed to confuse them something wonderfully by giving them some new/different food. They're used to flakes, and I thought they might like some granules for a treat. You know, I think I'm actually growing quite fond of them, as opposed to just having them because they're the only animal I'm allowed to have. Particularly my little black one. He's cute. ^.^

Need to be harder on myself. I can manage this for maybe a day, and then I cave and break and end up with stuff from the vending machine, or fast food. Need to be hard! I am a rock! Can't break if I'm a rock. :D

Also worried slightly about the poop. Today I had the urgent "must go now" bit, and went and it was slimey. Like it was before the meds. So I don't know if it's the lack of Pred, something I've eaten or drank (I found guava juice. I love it lots.), or the antibiotics. *sigh* Why can't things just be simple for once? And particularly involving something as simple as wretched poo!

Also, I think I love these. They're amusing things that I've found at a few stores here recently, and I can't help but smile when I see them. Possibly the sick and twisted humour of a Crohnie, but hey. Sometimes, you've gotta laugh or you'll cry.

http://www.the-turds.co.uk/

Bah Humbug

So what does a bad cold and joint pain and lack of sleep do to me? Makes me a darn heap grumpier than usual for one. Also makes me tired and snuffly and sore too.

Went to bed about 10:30ish, was asleep by 11. 2am rocks around and either my hip (which had decided I needed pain) or my cold woke me up. Bright eyed and bushy tailed. It's now nearly 12 hours later and I'm still waiting to get back to sleep. Which will have to wait until after work. And dinner.

The cold. The evil, shit faced cold. And yes, I'll swear outright. It's been gradually getting worse, but never really anything more than a snuffly nose and a vaguely stuffy head. My throat is butchering me, and I'm having all sorts of fun hearing. Again, this is since 2am. And I now have a drawer of my desk solely dedicated to cough drops. I have Butter Menthols, Eucalyptus and Honey things, and then just plain ol' Eucalyptus ones.

And then there's the joints. Usual whinging about them and the doctors goes here.

I think I may need to march myself off to the GP and get him to give me painkillers and sleeping tablets and something for the cold/flu. I can't see my sanity remaining intact much longer if this all keeps up.

On the other hand, my dosage of Prednisone was reduced again this morning to 20mg. Could other people please do the Yay Happy Dance for me? This involves jumping up and down slightly, though not too much, squealing like a child, waving your arms, and flapping your hands. Grinning like a mad person is also part of the Yay Happy Dance. If it helps, have a strong coffee about ten minutes before doing said dance. I would do it myself, except the above mentioned crap is kinda weighing me down and outweighing the happy.

Mentioned breeding fish at home last night. Surprisingly, didn't get any form of argument from my father. Coulda knocked me over with a feather. I think though that there may be slightly stronger protesting if I went about trying to set a tank up at home though. Eh. We'll see.

Speaking of fish, my fish at work are still going well (albeit unnamed). The little black one still has his white spot on his side, but I don't think it's getting any bigger, so there's a plus. Still, I've made the water go bright green again. It can't hurt, and hopefully it'll start clearing it up soon if I keep the treatment up. Cute little thing. Hope it isn't hurting him. :(

No kitten in the bottom drawer. :P

The Gutsy Girl

http://thegutsygirl.blogspot.com/

That blog up there? I've been watching her pretty much since I started blogging here. And she's awesome.

If you're reading this, reading your blog often makes me feel better when I'm having a "waaaah why do I have to be the only person on the planet dealing with this?" moment (also brings me back down to earth and reminds me that I am not indeed the only person on earth dealing with it). Also, the food you're cooking and sharing with the world? Looks absolutely amazing and delicious and I'm itching to try my hand at some of it. So thankyou for blogging!

Disney and pain

Hmmm. So. The weekend. It existed. There we go, that's a start. :)

Saturday came and it was sunny! It's been raining a fair bit recently, or at least threatening to, so I took the opportunity to do what the rhumy suggested and go for a walk. I packed me and the camera into the car and went to a nearby botanic gardens and went trigger happy. It was nice to get out and relax for a few hours, but things started aching a bit.

Got home and got sorted out again and then off I went to go and see the magic that is Disney On Ice - Princess Wishes. Me? Adult? I think not! Was going with a friend, so went to pick her up from work and had a coffee while I waited. Double shot latte. Do you know how long it takes for a double shot latte to start wearing off? At least four or five hours. Be afraid.

Disney was amazing! The skaters were fantastic, the music was obviously Disney awesomeness, the costumes were gorgeous to the point that I wanted to run down there and steal them (particularly the Flounder and Lumiere ones)... My inner child has never loved me so much! Bought a program as a souvenir (it came with a pretend rose), and a stuffed toy of Sebastian (I may love him a little too much, and mostly just because of that accent).

Had dinner afterwards in the form of some very yummy fried rice. This was after my attempt at reverse parking. Not such a good idea when coming down off a coffee high. I think I gave up after about the tenth attempt when I just sat there giggling. Easier to find a different park.

Also felt rather pretty on Saturday night. I put effort in. I wore my pretty top that cost me $70 odd, and I let my hair curl, and I wore mascara. And when I got home and caught myself in the mirror, I actually felt pretty. I should try this more often. I should also have taken a photo so I'd remember it.

Speaking of photos, of nearly 400 taken at Disney, only about 3 came out clear. They were all moving too fast!

Saturday night was met with agony and insomnia. Pain in my back, hips, knees and ankles that woke me up and then the delightful insomnia that kept me awake from 2 till 4:30. My rhumy? He says to me last time, "Go for walks, get good sleep, they'll ease the pain.". Yep. 'Kay. How about some pain killers for the agony those walks give me? How about some sleeping tablets to get rid of the insomnia? Oh, you don't want me turning into a druggie? Well you and the GI don't seem to have much of an issue pumping me to the eyeballs with steroids! Pain relief please now!

Dragged out of bed about 10:30 on Sunday morning, having been awake for ages trying to get back to sleep. In utter agony most of the day. Took me over an hour to make my bed. Seriously need something done and I don't see the rhumy again until the 14th of August. Grumpiness will ensue.

Today, still stiff and sore, though not quite to the extent of yesterday. Just taking things as easy as possible. Also plotting for next weekend. Perhaps skipping the walk because I plan on being on my feet a fair bit cooking. Am thinking lasagna and garlic bread. Well, really I'm thinking garlic bread, and whatever main I happen to think will go best with it at the time. :D I love garlic bread.

Am I breaking?

o.O

Seriously, wondering if I might be slightly broken. In good ways though! Just random little things aren't so much me recently. A bit out of character I guess. I'm wondering if maybe the meds have changed me a little. I've heard that steroids and such (eg Pred) can change you a bit while you're on them, but the changes I've noticed have mostly been since I started backing off them. I mean, sure, I got more grumpy and upset and stuff while I was on the higher dosages, but otherwise I think I stayed the same. Just recently is when I've noticed the changes.

Like things that would normally have me in tears for hours (even before the meds), don't bother me. They just slide past. Or at most I'll cry for maybe a minute then stop. It's strange. And sure, the cranky pants still happen, but not in the same way or to the same extent. I'm a lot calmer too, which feels really weird. I never used to be calm. Never. There was always something ticking over, sparking something in me, but never calm. Decisions seem easier to make too. And not just the little ones. Big, life changing decisions are on the whole easier to decide on. And I'm able to be hard on myself, where as before I just would have decided I was too tired or sore or something.

Eh. Not that I'm complaining about any of this, it's merely observations. And I've got to admit, it is making certain things easier.

*witty blog title goes here*

Was thinking about updating this yesterday but I had a wonderful temper and even the Internet didn't deserve to have that thrown at it.

Monday I set the new fish tank up at work. The fish (and the snail) seem to be thoroughly enjoying the extra room, the filter and the light. Mind, the water also went bright green when I added a multi cure thing to it. Sadly my little black moore has a white fungusy spot on his side, so I'm trying to get rid of it for him. Doesn't seem to be bothering him too much, but I figure he'd rather be healthy.
Was also right in the fact that I couldn't really move on Monday, though not quite in the way I expected. I could actually feel my arms, it was my upper back and shoulders that got angry at me about the boxing. Best way to shut that up? Do it again! :) Sore, but fun.

Yesterday I dropped the amount of Prednisone again. Down to 25mg a day, so I'm happy. Once I'm off it I swear I'm never going on it again. Evil stuff. Evil I tell you!
Was still a bit achey yesterday, but not as bad as Monday. Ended up in a right temper when I got home so beat the crap out of the Wii's boxing bag. Many times. It felt good. I'd get to the end of the thing and go "Am I calm yet?". If the answer was no, I continued beating things up. Focusing on the timing of things (perfect timing gets double points) takes my mind off things.

Funnily enough, I'm not sore today. Yay! One thing I want to say: coffee is a God. Really. Particularly nice, strong coffee. Wakes me up, takes away the hungry. Magic stuff.

Making a few decisions recently too.

Going to try drinking a bit less. Not that I drink excessively or anything, maybe three or four drinks a week, but it couldn't hurt to try a little bit less. Also going to just stick to cheap wine I think. Sadly, despite my love of Bundy, it's a little too expensive, even when it's on sale. Lucky I like wine. :)

Trying to cut my spending too. I have an annoying habit of trawling the shops in my spare time, and I haven't quite got the concept of "window shopping" worked out. Sadly am the "have money, will spend" type.
So. My saving money ideas involve:
- Staying the hell away from the shops. Unless of course I actually need something. And then it might just be safer to give someone the money and send them. No impulse buys that way.
- Bring lunch from home. And avoid the vending machine at work. This also works in with my losing weight plan because my lunch from home currently consists of shakes (yummy ones), and morning tea is a banana. The shakes work out at $3.50 each, and my parents buy the bananas, so it's a heck load cheaper than buying food every day.
- Exercising more. Again, works in with the weight loss stuff too, but I figure the more time I spend doing exercise, the less time I have to spend money. Also, walking can save on fuel money.
- Taking more photos. A/it's something to do, B/it's something I enjoy and need to spend more time doing, and C/it's again following the theory of the more time I spend doing that, the less time I have to spend money.

As mentioned above, am also attempting to shed the weight. Am eating less, and eating a bit better, and also working out a bit. Hopefully this will work. I'm being a bit harder on myself than usual too, and making myself do stuff when usually I'd go, nah, I'm too tired or too sore. The above mentioned boxing on the Wii seems to be maybe helping some of the joint issues, albeit only when I'm doing it, though it does seem to play up a bit with my right hip. Mind, it's always sore now, so it can't hurt to do it.

I'm looking at gaining my independence too in about six months, hence the mad saving and lack of spending. I'm tired of having to rely on everyone, and quite honestly I need my own space too. Things are starting to pick up a bit at work which is nice, and while family can be lovely, sometimes (a lot of the time) a little bit can go a veeeery long way. So, the caravan park/relocatable home place across the road from work is starting to look very tempting. Okay, so the places are small, and there'd be strata fees, but looking at it they're about the only downsides, if they can be called downsides.
The positives?
- Saving money on fuel (at least $20 per week) by walking out the driveway, across the road and into work's driveway.
- Strata covers grounds maintenance, pool, tennis court and I think bbq area and security shuttle bus. Therefore, I don't have to do a thing maintenance wise and yet get to use these things. Yay!
- Smallish two bedroom place means less cleaning than a large place.
- Smallish two bedroom place is still bigger than teeny tiny shoebox of a bedroom.
- Owning, not renting.
- Freedom/independence from family.
- Freedom/independence in general
- Able to fill the need to decorate a house. Seriously, I don't get clucky for babies, I get clucky for a house and decorating it.
- Neighbours being close enough (and possibly nosey enough :P) that if something goes wrong they'll hopefully notice and be able to help.
- Neighbours being close enough that jumpy old me will feel a bit more secure.

Okay, so there's bills and rates and such. I get that, I expect that. I'm allowing for that. I also know there are going to be days where I can't really do much because of the Crohn's or the arthritis. But you know what? That's why freezers, microwaves and cooking in advance were invented. And being so close to work I could possibly last longer on my bad days, knowing that I just have to waddle back across the road as opposed to trying to manage a car with bad joints, and also the traffic.

So um.... yeah. That's about all I had to blurt out, I think. Maybe....? :)

Oh! That's what else. Carrot cake? Doesn't go so good with the gut. :(

This is me, giving Crohn's and arthritis the finger.

So I'm fed up of not being able to do things because I'm too sore, from one or the other of Crohn's or arthritis. Absolutely fed up. So I'm giving them both the finger and saying stuff you to them both. To start my protest against them both (possibly moreso the arthritis right now), this weekend I have: cooked. Twice. Been shopping. Multiple times. Exercised! 45 minutes on the Wii, mostly boxing. I won't move tomorrow, but it'll be worth it. I have also eaten copious amounts of things that are bad for me (both weight wise and making-me-poop wise, see bolognese and burritos).

Shopping, I finally caved, admitted I'm fat (like the giant purple stretch marks weren't a give away...), and went into the shop I've not had to go into before. The plus size shop. Albeit the plus size shop with pretty things. Just one issue I have with the place (apart from not wanting to be plus size), is that it seems plus size stores assume that because you are large, you have extra money. Ie, a shirt that you could buy in a size 16 in a regular store may cost say $15 to $20. Maybe $25 at a push. Take same shirt (even same size because that's what size the clothes start at there) and put it in the plus size store, and bam! $50 thankyou. I'm not kidding! Cheapest thing I got was $50. I spent nearly $200 and walked away with a pair of jeans, a shirt, and a kaftan. Normally I would pay no more than $60 for the lot. But hey. I bit the bullet, I've admitted I'm fat, I found some clothes that I can wear at the moment while my pudge is doing the whole white rolly fat thing, and in the meantime I can work my backside off and try to get to where I want to be (a whole few sacks of potatoes lighter).

As mentioned, have also cooked this weekend. Carrot cake came out lovely. Nice and moist, tasting of cinnamon, and yeah. Quite please with first effort at one of my fave cakes. Also cooked dinner last night, a Jamie Oliver recipe titled "The best chicken and sweet leak pie with flakey pastry". Didn't turn it into a pie, left it rather as a stew (filling without the pie) as the recipe said you could, and served it with potato, pumpkin and peas, and did some puff pastry squares in the oven to go on top. Went down well, with even my brother (world title of fussy eater could be held by him) saying he liked it and I can make it again. Just as well 'cause the amount I made (one quantity, supposed to feed four) made enough for two meals for the four of us. Oops. But it was nice.

For anyone interested, the recipe is in his Jamie's Dinners book. Bloody fantastic book, well worth the buy.

Have also started knitting a scarf, much to my fingers' disgust. But I figure, they already bloody hurt (as do my hips, knees, back, etc, etc), so why the hell not? In theory, can't make them worse...

Found season three of Weeds on dvd (finally!) the other day as well, so bought it and have been getting my fix. Note: I do not promote the use of any drugs other than those prescribed by a doctor, Western or traditional. Except for, of course, my beloved Bundy rum. :) And even then, drink only in moderation people!!! Too much is bad.

Update

Dear Gods my hip has decided to try and murder me in the most painful way it can possibly manage. Gargh! Knee is occasionally joining in on the attack. Bitches.

Despite this, I have managed to cook in the new kitchen. Go me! Carrot cake for the first time ever. I love a nice carrot cake, so hopefully this one will be nice. Dry ones suck quite badly, but a moist one is delicious.

Also managed to head to the shops and buy new ugg boots and a fish tank for my fishies. They're spoilt. Classy tank it is, and I snagged a free underwater camera with it. Albeit a cheapy, but hey. I won't argue with free stuff, particularly with what I paid for the tank! My hip did hate me while I drove though, and more than once I was seeing stars. Not really a good sign.

Crohn's wise, my butt's settled down, but we'll see how it goes. Burritos (the pretend kit ones available in Oz) for dinner tonight. Nice, and I do enjoy them, but absolutely nothing beats the real thing. Seriously, there are days where I would pay $100 just to get my hands on a proper burrito made by a Mexican. No one else can make real burritos. Really.

Cold is still attacking me. Hate for it. Much hate. Anyone want a cold? Free to a good home! Any home actually....

Damn. I now have a giant fish tank in my shoebox all weekend. :P

*Insert obscenities here*

So yesterday right? Dad cooked dinner. Nothing wrong with that, dad usually cooks dinner, and it's usually something I enjoy and tastes great. No exception last night, fantastic bolognese. Enjoyed it greatly. At least, while I was eating it I did. Slept kinda alright, nothing to indicate anything was wrong.

Today, woke up, went to the shops. Felt mildy off, couldn't quite put my finger on it though. Coped alright, and then came home and had lunch. Maybe around 1 or 2 this afternoon though? Liquid. And slime. And blood. Expletives go here. Three Imodium later, and I'm still not sitting entirely comfortable. Blood could possibly have just been from a split (my butt seems to be doing a good job of getting those lately), but it was a fair amount if that were the case. Mind, it has eased, so I'm crossing everything I can and hoping that's what's going on. Still vaguely slimed up and liquidy. In any case, bolognese is now a definite no-no. *sad face goes here* I quite enjoy a nice bolognese.

Joint wise, fingers aren't quite as bad as they were yesterday, though still twinging occasionally. At the moment/most of today it's been my hips that are causing the biggest problem. My back and knees and such are twinging a bit too, but hey. Oh, and I got woken up by yet another shite of a cramp in my leg, this time my left one. Funny how before all these meds started I'd only ever had one cramped leg in my entire life, and since starting the meds they've been occurring quite regularly. Extremely painful, both physically and mentally (I need some uninterrupted sleep, damnit!).

Unrelated to the Crohn's or arthritis.....

Bought another soapstone hippo today at the Oxfam fairtrade store. This one's for on my desk at work. Also bought two cds (rainforest and Aussie bush sounds) at Australian Geographic, and bought a soft foam ball thing that looks like the earth for my brother. Think he likes it. Not sure. *shrug*

The rainforest cd is good- calming, relaxing. Quite enjoying it. Had it on for a while ealier with a candle going. Worked on some of those things to stick up on the wall again this afternoon. Seriously, I've now got those motivational bits stuck up on my wardrobe door, and they're unmissable from anywhere in my shoebox of a room. Told you I meant to do it! :P Mind, I did promptly ignore most of them and eat pizza for dinner (let's see how that goes tomorrow....).

Pain.

Owww...... Sore as all get out today. Fingers, hands, wrists, elbows, shoulders.... Hips, back, knees.... Heck even my feet and toes are aching. I get the feeling that maybe the amount of Pred I was on was helping, even if only slightly. Thus, reduced amount of Pred equals increased amount of pain.

In all probability, none of the above is going to be helped by the stupid cold I have that just won't go away. Sinusy and snuffly and very foggy in the head, plus the odd muscular ache and pain. Bah humbug.

Otherwise, am enjoying a lesser amount of the evil (aka Pred) and hopefully it won't be too much longer before the weight and hair on my face start disappearing. Yay!

Oh, and am letting my inner child loose and going to see Disney On Ice with a friend on the 18th. Who said there was such a thing as too old for Disney? Dirty talk that is! ;D

Have the next four days off work too. Obviously the weekend is there, but I get Thursday and Friday off too this week. Work's a bit quiet, but it's starting to pick up again, so just until we get a bit more in I get a four day weekend. Will sleep in I think. And go shopping. And maybe do some cooking and drop it in for people at work. :) I'm a nice person. :P

Meds and Money

Went and saw the GI yesterday after work. Things seem to be going okay. Inflammatory markers are within normal/close to normal. At the request of the rhumy, the Pred has been reduced. Instead of 40mg a day, I'm now on 30mg for a week, then 25mg for a week, then down to 20mg. I stay at that until I see the GI again, in about a month. Am somewhat stoked about this, just still scared that I won't be able to be weaned off it completely.

There was also talk about Infliximab as opposed to Humira. It was mentioned in the letter the rhumy sent the GI, so I guess that's the one they're going to aim for. It also seems the rhumy will be the one dealing with that, because while there's hoops to jump through either way, it seems for the arthritis they're just hoops, but for the Crohn's it appears they like to douse them in flammable liquid and set them on fire. Oh, and maybe blindfold you for good measure too. Not so sure about the Infliximab, but will worry about it when they're actually going to put me on it.

Am sore today. Elbows, shoulders/upper back, and my fingers are going too. Worried slightly that it could be from the drop in Pred. Will have to keep an eye on it. Am very tired too. Need sleep.

Support group tonight. Hoping to make it. We'll see.

Payday tomorrow. And late night shopping on Thursday. There's a shirt I've seen somewhere, and despite it being $70 I can't get it out of my head, I think I'm going to go and get it. Or at least try it on. :)
Plants may or may not be going to appear on my work desk. Am leaning towards those small bamboo plants in the pretty pots, just for ease of looking after, and also because I have a rather not so green thumb. Seriously, I have managed to kill every single plant I've owned, and that's saying a fair bit seeing as the only plants I've ever had have all been cacti.
Am also going to spoil my fish. They've been swimming around in an unfiltered, 6 litre bowl since I got them, along with the two or three plants (which I might add, they've finally stopped uprooting!). There's a tank I'm looking at getting them and setting up over the weekend which is significantly bigger (20 litres), and includes a filter and (I think!) a light. Will also get more plants for them, a different brand of weekend feeders (they're fussy buggers and won't eat the current ones I get for them), and maybe a statue or two for decoration. If they're lucky they might get some live food too. :) See? I'm a good pet owner.

Gargh hands hurt!

Awareness

http://awarenessgiftboutique.com/cgi-bin/store/cpshop.cgi/causescg.awarenessgifts.6036038+crohns-disease-awareness-t-shirts-and-gifts.html

I was looking for what colour the Crohn's awareness ribbon is (turns out it's dark purple) and scrolling through the Google search results and found the above site. Well, moreso the main page of it, and I started crying. Relief. Someone at least is taking the effort to try and promote awareness of my disease, someone is trying to promote awareness that it needs a cure. I think I might just love this person.

Weighty issues....

So I went to work on Friday. And I actually worked a bit extra too. Just some work for a customer that needs doing rather quickly so yeah. Extra time got done. Doesn't worry me, I offered to do it, and it'll make up maybe a little bit of the time I've had off with my hands. Also decided on Friday night that if I was well on Saturday I'd go for a drive (Dad wasn't feeling up to going to Sydney for the symposium).

Saturday I was woken up by a shite of a cramp in my right leg. Bitch! I need that leg for driving! Let it calm down, massaged it a bit, then crawled out of bed to see if I could walk. Walking was doable, so I packed me, the camera, the Imodium, and the two rolls of loo paper into the car and off I went. Stopped for breakfast and was about to go again when I got a phone call from a really good friend. Just to chat, but it was fantastic to hear from him. He has a bad habit of calling once I've already gone to bed, and my phone's usually on silent anyway. Set off again and started enjoying the day even more. That lasted maybe another hour until the cold symptoms kicked in (again!). They just won't go away. Kept going, and took one of my usual drives through the Hunter Valley.

I love that place. I was raised there. It's home. And there's usually a very strong pull at the heart strings to go there and stay there. It was missing yesterday. Something wasn't right. It was still a very pretty drive through the country (what I remember of it, I slipped into auto pilot because of the cold), but it didn't tug the heart strings, and that makes me a little sad. For years, despite not living there anymore, it's been the place I go to to think and to calm down when I'm stressed or angry or upset. And I always feel free and safe and welcome there. But I just wasn't getting that yesterday. It was just another place, with no meaning. I'm not so much sad that the feeling is gone, it's just I've always viewed myself as belonging there because of that feeling. With the feeling gone, I guess I don't really belong there anymore, which is fine, but what bugs me is where do I belong then? If I'm not still the country kid at heart, then who am I? I know I'm a little lost right now, but that's about it. Maybe I need to start creating the person I want to be. I dunno. Random thoughts that probably don't make sense. Eh.

I've thought recently that my stretch marks have been a little bit painful. Stinging, burning, that kinda thing. Last night I discovered that yes indeed they have been painful, and there's a reason. They're actually splitting open. Well, at least one has. Just a small split, but enough to bleed. I've fattened up at a rate where I am actually splitting my skin. Embarassing much? So the crash exercise/eating regime has begun (again. For the gazillionth time.) today. As a result, I got to weight myself on the Wii. When I first bought that, I entered that I wanted to lose 10 kilos. Instead I have managed to gain more than that. I'm now up to 91.5 kilos. A kilo a week gained. And it takes me a month to lose a kilo. I'm a year behind where I wanted to be. Actually, more than that, but hey. Hopefully if I hit things hard I can speed that up a bit. And coming off the Pred is now a big issue. I can't stay on a med that is essentially causing me to split myself at the seams. Glad in a way for that arthritis now.....

Today, woken up by fecking birds. They're the nuisance Minahs, and they insist on tapdancing on the tin roof under my window and squawking as loud as possible. Then they repeat the process on my window sill. Bastards. I needed sleep! Dragged out of bed, wandered around some shops, exercised on the Wii, wandered around some more shops and came home again in pain. The muscle in my leg that cramped yesterday is being a bitch and is all tight and sore. As a result it's making me walk funny, and thus my knees and hips have given out, and my back's following suit. And I can't really do much more in the intended line of exercise now either. :(

Am also tired as all buggery. Despite it only being 2:30 in the arvo, it feels like I should have been asleep for the past few hours. It really feels so much later. *sigh* And I have to drag out of bed for work in the morning. Bah. I just need a few days where I can sleep for as long as I need to, not how long is dictated by the alarm, or my screwed up body, or the damned birds! Never mind. Coffee is a god. :)

And now off to write pretty brightly coloured motivational signs telling me "Don't eat bad foods!" and "Don't give up now!". ........Yes, I seriously am going to do that. Splitting your skin is scary stuff people! It calls for drastic measures! :D

Trip to the rhumy...

Went and saw the rhumy today. Surprise surprise, I have arthritis. What actually was a surprise is that I have two different sorts. The first one is some form of inflamatory joint one (didn't give me a name, I forgot to ask), which the Pred is possibly helping. The second one is one that affects the tendons and such, which the Pred is most likely aggrevating. So in a way I was right, the Pred is causing some of my pain. Currently, my xrays help me qualify for Humira, the blood tests don't. However, they most likely will once I'm off the Pred. It just means coming off that first. So rhumy's going to have a chat to the GI, so hopefully on Monday he'll start weaning me off that. And I didn't even have to ask!

In a way no more Pred will be fantastic. No more yucky side effects, and hopefully weight loss will ensue. I am scared however of the possibility of more pain. Yes, pain scares me. I deal with a fair amount of it on a daily basis, but the thought of more pain honest to Gods makes me curl up slightly into the foetal position and my eyes do water slightly at the thought. So here's to me being brave.

So no pain relief given. Apparently nothing much will work anyway, so he's suggested heat packs (which don't really do anything), massage (not really leaning favourably towards letting people poke and prod at the sore parts of me), and gentle exercise (hello? Did you not listen when I said I can't move from the pain?). I've basically just gotta ride it out until they can try and get Humira going for me. And now I'm slightly scared that something will go wrong and I'll either not qualify or I'll have to pay full price (which there's no way on this earth I can afford, no exaggeration) or I'll have a reaction to it and be back at square one.

*sigh* I hate all this guess work. And I really hate everything seeming to go wrong, and then multiply. Bah humbug.

Possibly not going to the symposium either. My brother isn't well and needs trips to hospital every now and then, and it's looking increasingly likely that he'll need to go in over the next few days. Both parents are generally involved with that, and there's not really much of a chance of me driving to Sydney and back on my own. *shrug* Ah well. Maybe next time.

Owwies and Planning

Stocktake of the owwies this morning... Both hands/wrists/fingers. Both elbows. Back. Right hip and knee. Left shoulder and knee. Neck to a certain degree. Also have Crohn's pain (either from Maccas for lunch yesterday or pizza for dinner, I had a bad day) and the coldy/fluey crap that's going on.

Off to see the rhumy tomorrow. Wondering what's going to happen with that. I mean, it's gonna cost me a fortune, and possibly all that's gonna happen is that I'll be told I have arthritis, which he told me last time anyway.

Saturday I'm possibly off to Sydney for the CCA symposium. Will mean an early start, but hopefully dad won't hate me too much if I sleep in the car on the way there and back.

Sunday I'm going to attempt to make it to the local farmers markets. I used to get every fortnight, and then every week when they changed to that, but I haven't had the energy in months now. That needs to change. Planning on doing a stall there one day (it's a craft market too), so will need to be able to drag myself out of bed early enough for that.

Monday is work, then the GI doc. Seriously need off the Pred. Struggling to get out of bed some mornings with the state of mind it puts me in, not to mention all the other delightful side effects I always whinge about. Promise I'll stop whinging about them when I come off the Pred. Promise! :P Hopefully he can get the ball rolling for the Humira too, if the rhumy doesn't do it tomorrow.

And then Tuesday after work (as long as I'm not dead to the world) is the monthly support group thinger. Hoping to go. It's good to know I'm not entirely alone in the world.

So I'm a teeny bit busy for the next week or so. Will probably run myself into the ground and take a few weeks to recover, but hey. That's what I do.

New financial year starts today, so new plans are starting to take shape. Want to do another Tafe course, but not through Tafe. Can't stand the thought of going back there, and besides, I wouldn't be awake enough of an evening, which is my only available time. So I'm looking at paying $1500 instead of $900 and doing a Cert IV in Small Business Management through the distance ed part.

Also hoping to do the market stall, but a lot of planning still needs to be done, and as such it may not happen this year (calendar or financial). We'll see.

Hoping to buy a laptop to be of use with the market stall stuff, but also I want to get back into writing. I used to write a lot, but haven't in recent years. I like the idea of running away with a laptop to a beautiful quiet location and being inspired by that and typing away for however long the computer lasts before the battery dies. Sounds like fun to me.

And my photography. Need to get back into that. I've hardly done any since I did a friend's wedding shots, I just haven't really been motivated to. Need to fix that and get some nice shots again. There's a camera that I'm looking at, it's actually better than my current one spec wise, but the main thing I'm after it for is that it's a compact one, and while my current one is an amazing camera, it's a large clunky one, so it makes it difficult to take it certain places. No point in buying a new camera though if I'm not going to use it.

I'm noticing with this blog that it's becoming more or less my main blog, despite originally starting out as a place for the Crohn's. I was trying to separate the Crohn's from my life, as well as keep my sanity. Neither have happened. :P So I'm not going to bother trying to keep things separate from now on. Random stuff will appear in here, completely unrelated to my bothersome gut, so I guess I'll just tag the Crohn's related stuff with Crohn's and the rest will be the rest. Don't worry, it'll probably still be about the same as it is now, just maybe slightly better tagged?

PS- No kitten. I still really want that kitten.
PPS- Didn't win lotto last night. Bugger.