I haven't really said much of value lately, have I? Haven't really been feeling that fantastic either though, today's probably my first day of very vaguely normal headspace in a week or two.
Crohn's wise, I'm utterly over it. Fed up to the eyeballs and just want it to go the hell away. Still not quite comprehending the "This is the problem, there's no cure" thing, though now when those thoughts roll through my mind it genuinely feels as though I've smacked myself up against a brick wall, as opposed to the previous drowning in the middle of the ocean with nothing to grab on to. Still having shockers of days, just falling apart and struggling a lot in trying to pull myself back together.
Pain wise, I'm getting headaches every day which require pain meds. Also the apparently arthritic pain keeps rocking up, mostly in my finger, wrists, knee and hip. Am also getting abdominal pain every day, it's just a lottery as to whether it'll be there all day or whether it'll wait off until the evening, and also as to which specific point it'll be (I've worked out there's five places, and a combination of any or all of the above). Then there's the general tummy ache that's all over (much rarer than the abdo pain), and then there's the "I've been shitting liquid all day" tummy and back pain (so much fun, but at least rarer than the general tummy pain).
Side effects: Extremely tired. And I mean extremely. Suffer from chronic fatigue as a result of glandular fever/mono a few years back. Managed to get on top of that with Bowen therapy (seriously, a godsend, try it!), but now the fatigue is just as bad, if not worse (thanks Imuran!). Not to mention nausea and dizziness.
Also still getting funny vision/trouble focusing, the odd chest pain (pick a side), vagueness, the shakes, and random cramping sensations. Still phoning the doctor weekly to find out if the Imuran is killing my liver (it's not, and while I think of it I did get to yay about not having diabetes [go me!]), still getting weekly blood tests. Go to see doctor next Monday again. Bah humbug. Just more time, and more money that I've got to somehow find.
Food: Keeping up the dairy intake, particularly milk, seeing as it seems to be going okay with me (possibly giving me gas and a rumbly tummy, but not shooting straight through which is fantastic). I like my bones not breaking thanks! Quiche is going well, so one of those gets had of a morning as a rule. Oats are also awesome (when I'm not randomly dropping the bowl). Red Rooster sadly still remains the demon in disguise.
In completely different news. My fish are being fish (shock horror!). And are currently expecting me to feed them (I think!). I love my little black one! It's cute, and has boggly eyes. *cuteness goes here* There's still no kitten in my bottom drawer, and sadly the two at the pet shop were sold on the weekend so there goes getting one of them and putting it in there. :P
I am in possession of my Firefly dvds again, so I'm back to getting my kicks from that. Also going through many of the books that I've started reading then stopped and am getting time to read them. My evenings exist of getting home, having a drink, having dinner, going to bed and reading for half hour or so, clonking out stone cold/thrashing and crashing for hours until I fall into a fitful sleep (the meds like to vary it for me :S). I'm such a boring person.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Friday, May 22, 2009
Rant
So over being sick and sore all the time! And I'm so over the stinking side effects! The meds are meant to make me better, not hurt me, and make me feel sicker, and make me tired so everything seems worse, and feck with my head. I've had enough!
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Bad day, and it's barely started.
So today started with me waking up at 5:20. I spend the next half an hour glaring at the clock, before switching the alarm to off (set to go at 6:00) and staggering downstairs.
After moving all the crap in front of my med box, I popped the gazillion pills I now take before attempting to sort breakfast and something for lunch.
Sorted breakfast to the point of getting the porridge out of the microwave, before promptly dropping the entire lot on the floor. No idea how this happened as was holding the bowl rather well, or at least I was until it was on the floor. Upside? The bowl didn't break. Downside? It looked like puke on the floor, which was oh so fantastic seeing as I was somewhat nauseous by then. And I had to clean it up. Starch = mopping floor. No energy, wasn't happening. Will happen at some point, either me or Dad. Spent a while trying to get my head around how I'm meant to safely drive to work when I can't even carry a bowl of porridge from the microwave to the cupboard, then realised I was running late and hadn't eaten breakfast...... And the morning has spiralled from there.
Late getting in car, realised I needed fuel. Was driving when my phone started ringing so madly scrambled to pull over and answer. Missed the call.
Eventually made it to work, where I am tired and grumpy and have a sore throat and my fingers ache as well as my jaw, and knee, and leg. Did I mention I have a sore on my leg that keeps getting worse because the seam rubs on it all day? Headache. Grumpy. Tired.
I'm over today.
After moving all the crap in front of my med box, I popped the gazillion pills I now take before attempting to sort breakfast and something for lunch.
Sorted breakfast to the point of getting the porridge out of the microwave, before promptly dropping the entire lot on the floor. No idea how this happened as was holding the bowl rather well, or at least I was until it was on the floor. Upside? The bowl didn't break. Downside? It looked like puke on the floor, which was oh so fantastic seeing as I was somewhat nauseous by then. And I had to clean it up. Starch = mopping floor. No energy, wasn't happening. Will happen at some point, either me or Dad. Spent a while trying to get my head around how I'm meant to safely drive to work when I can't even carry a bowl of porridge from the microwave to the cupboard, then realised I was running late and hadn't eaten breakfast...... And the morning has spiralled from there.
Late getting in car, realised I needed fuel. Was driving when my phone started ringing so madly scrambled to pull over and answer. Missed the call.
Eventually made it to work, where I am tired and grumpy and have a sore throat and my fingers ache as well as my jaw, and knee, and leg. Did I mention I have a sore on my leg that keeps getting worse because the seam rubs on it all day? Headache. Grumpy. Tired.
I'm over today.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Lotsa blather
Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have forgotten how to fly. Don't remember where I read that originally, but it couldn't be truer.
So. Thursday arvo, promptly fell apart. Friday, dragged myself to work, then kidnapped a few of my friends from a bus stop and went to the shops with them. Ended up with awesome hugs, and bought myself a few cook books and another Kimmi Doll (Kioko - Happiness), along with shampoo and conditioner that were half price (awesome!). Got home and enjoyed the peace and quiet of my brother being away. Didn't fall apart on Friday.
Saturday, went shopping. Had intended on finding clothes. Failed. Bought almost everything else under the sun though. Borders was attacked (Bloodhound - Tamora Pierce, some other book, and the most recent Jamie Oliver magazine), and I found a new handbag. All of mine are giant giant things which are awesome when shopping because you can fit half a house in them, but not so awesome for sitting on the floor when at a restaurant. So I found myself a new, small one that fits the necessities in and nothing else. Also went to the Oxfam shop and bought a little soapstone hippo statue thingy (I loved hippos as a child, they were my favourite animal and I still have a certain degree of respect for them). Bought presents for a friend too as it was her birthday. Was dead to the world and in a degree of pain by lunchtime/when I got home, but doped myself up and went to friend's dinner/birthday event. Indian food was nice, got a mild chicken thing in a creamy tomato sauce, then because I felt the most mild of rumblings doped myself up immediately on Imodium. Did spend a bit of time worried on Sunday and yesterday, and also needed more Imodium on Sunday, though not sure if this was from Indian food or other food from Sunday morning. Also did not fall apart on Saturday.
Sunday I was dead. And fell apart a little. Also caught up with a friend who is going overseas this week for a few months because her daughter is having a baby (daughter lives overseas, she's not running away from being a grandma).
Yesterday was okay pain wise, although my stomach did go a bit special later on, just random stabby pains that I've gotten used to over the years, though lately they've been hanging around and a bit more annoying. Back also started hurting later on too and thus went to bed with a horrid back ache. Was however the first day in a week or more that I hadn't required pain killers.
Today, very sore, particularly in fingers/wrists, and very very tired. Hate being so tired. And my stomach's still being special.
Also a bit cold, though this has something to do with my shawl thinger laying on my bag in the corner. Was wearing it, but the boss has decided since seeing me in it that my name is Poncho. My name isn't Poncho, and would appreciate not being called it, so I figure if I don't wear the shawl, he might forget.
So my day's going downhill a little. Tired, sore, cold, and getting slightly more cranky and irritable by the minute. Gods help everyone I work with by the end of the day.
My fish are currently enjoying some new plants and some new shiny colourful stones in their bowl (enjoying that is, just as soon as they got over their confusion). No kitten, though I nearly bought both from the pet store when they meowed at me. ;P
So. Thursday arvo, promptly fell apart. Friday, dragged myself to work, then kidnapped a few of my friends from a bus stop and went to the shops with them. Ended up with awesome hugs, and bought myself a few cook books and another Kimmi Doll (Kioko - Happiness), along with shampoo and conditioner that were half price (awesome!). Got home and enjoyed the peace and quiet of my brother being away. Didn't fall apart on Friday.
Saturday, went shopping. Had intended on finding clothes. Failed. Bought almost everything else under the sun though. Borders was attacked (Bloodhound - Tamora Pierce, some other book, and the most recent Jamie Oliver magazine), and I found a new handbag. All of mine are giant giant things which are awesome when shopping because you can fit half a house in them, but not so awesome for sitting on the floor when at a restaurant. So I found myself a new, small one that fits the necessities in and nothing else. Also went to the Oxfam shop and bought a little soapstone hippo statue thingy (I loved hippos as a child, they were my favourite animal and I still have a certain degree of respect for them). Bought presents for a friend too as it was her birthday. Was dead to the world and in a degree of pain by lunchtime/when I got home, but doped myself up and went to friend's dinner/birthday event. Indian food was nice, got a mild chicken thing in a creamy tomato sauce, then because I felt the most mild of rumblings doped myself up immediately on Imodium. Did spend a bit of time worried on Sunday and yesterday, and also needed more Imodium on Sunday, though not sure if this was from Indian food or other food from Sunday morning. Also did not fall apart on Saturday.
Sunday I was dead. And fell apart a little. Also caught up with a friend who is going overseas this week for a few months because her daughter is having a baby (daughter lives overseas, she's not running away from being a grandma).
Yesterday was okay pain wise, although my stomach did go a bit special later on, just random stabby pains that I've gotten used to over the years, though lately they've been hanging around and a bit more annoying. Back also started hurting later on too and thus went to bed with a horrid back ache. Was however the first day in a week or more that I hadn't required pain killers.
Today, very sore, particularly in fingers/wrists, and very very tired. Hate being so tired. And my stomach's still being special.
Also a bit cold, though this has something to do with my shawl thinger laying on my bag in the corner. Was wearing it, but the boss has decided since seeing me in it that my name is Poncho. My name isn't Poncho, and would appreciate not being called it, so I figure if I don't wear the shawl, he might forget.
So my day's going downhill a little. Tired, sore, cold, and getting slightly more cranky and irritable by the minute. Gods help everyone I work with by the end of the day.
My fish are currently enjoying some new plants and some new shiny colourful stones in their bowl (enjoying that is, just as soon as they got over their confusion). No kitten, though I nearly bought both from the pet store when they meowed at me. ;P
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Fishies!!!
Tired as all shite. Have a headache. Feel rather coldy. Actually, feel kinda like crap in general. Just want to dope myself up on pain killers then curl up and go to sleep in a warm, comfy bed.
Yesterday, went to get blood tests done. Find out that a/ I need to get a urine test done as well and b/ stupid doctor forgot to write "weekly" on the form, so had to chase that today. A new one will be mailed to me. Seriously though, considering the hole in the toilet seat that women get to pee through while sitting, how the hell do they expect us to aim it into that tiny little jar???? Somehow managed without peeing all over my hands, but still. Thanks ever so much for warning me doc.
Had Subway for lunch. Some of the guys were going there so asked them to grab me a meatball sub. I figure stuff it. My gut doesn't like me much the past few days anyway, so why should it matter what I eat? It's gonna be upset with me either way. While they were buying me food (really guys, thanks if you read this), I went shopping.
Despite there being no kitten in the bottom drawer of my desk, there are now three goldfish in a goldfish bowl sitting next to my computer. A black moore, a red cap faintail and a calico fantail. Leaning towards Othello as a name for the black moore, but the others are still unnamed. May think of something other than Othello too... The CEO's offering to make sushi with them. :S
Head hurts. *sadface here*
Also, Imuran increase this morning from 50mg to 100mg (1 tab to 2).
Hips and shoulders were hurting lots yesterday. Hips still a bit sore today. Hate having the shakes. Legs were shaking with it this morning. Hate it.
Eyes still blurred/blurring. Trouble focusing/pain occurring while focusing. Also have raccoon eyes from being tired. Not a good look.
Yesterday, went to get blood tests done. Find out that a/ I need to get a urine test done as well and b/ stupid doctor forgot to write "weekly" on the form, so had to chase that today. A new one will be mailed to me. Seriously though, considering the hole in the toilet seat that women get to pee through while sitting, how the hell do they expect us to aim it into that tiny little jar???? Somehow managed without peeing all over my hands, but still. Thanks ever so much for warning me doc.
Had Subway for lunch. Some of the guys were going there so asked them to grab me a meatball sub. I figure stuff it. My gut doesn't like me much the past few days anyway, so why should it matter what I eat? It's gonna be upset with me either way. While they were buying me food (really guys, thanks if you read this), I went shopping.
Despite there being no kitten in the bottom drawer of my desk, there are now three goldfish in a goldfish bowl sitting next to my computer. A black moore, a red cap faintail and a calico fantail. Leaning towards Othello as a name for the black moore, but the others are still unnamed. May think of something other than Othello too... The CEO's offering to make sushi with them. :S
Head hurts. *sadface here*
Also, Imuran increase this morning from 50mg to 100mg (1 tab to 2).
Hips and shoulders were hurting lots yesterday. Hips still a bit sore today. Hate having the shakes. Legs were shaking with it this morning. Hate it.
Eyes still blurred/blurring. Trouble focusing/pain occurring while focusing. Also have raccoon eyes from being tired. Not a good look.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Bah humbug I say!
So yesterday. Ate crap. Ended up feeling like crap. Mild to moderate Crohn's pain, pooped a bit (no diarrhoea, but still running for the ladies), and then weird pain. Somewhere between the Crohn's pain and nausea, and I couldn't place it. Very weird.
Today.... I have a cold. Cough kicked in last night, although has behaved today. Sore-ish throat. Achey. In other news, am tired as all get out, and have a rather rotten dose of the shakes. Also, blood in poop. Not as bad as before, but just enough for me to notice it. The amount alone really wouldn't bother me, and it was only the once, but considering the Crohn's pain is at least a moderate today if not slightly worse makes me think that things aren't quite as controlled as I thought they were.
Shakes make things difficult. Hitting the right keys on the keyboard for example. Serving up vegetable. Peeling and cutting potatoes (was actually rather worried about doing so last night because I couldn't stop my hands shaking and with a knife in hand it's a bother). Also a bit upsetting to watch the hands shake and not be able to stop them.
Need to go and get blood tests done this afternoon. First of my weekly blood tests to keep an eye on the Imuran, and also the sugars one to tell me if I've got diabetes or not. Joy of joys. Not bothered by the thought of getting the tests done as such, just really tired and want to go home but instead have to drive to get them done after work then drive home. Blergh.
V. Tired.
Today.... I have a cold. Cough kicked in last night, although has behaved today. Sore-ish throat. Achey. In other news, am tired as all get out, and have a rather rotten dose of the shakes. Also, blood in poop. Not as bad as before, but just enough for me to notice it. The amount alone really wouldn't bother me, and it was only the once, but considering the Crohn's pain is at least a moderate today if not slightly worse makes me think that things aren't quite as controlled as I thought they were.
Shakes make things difficult. Hitting the right keys on the keyboard for example. Serving up vegetable. Peeling and cutting potatoes (was actually rather worried about doing so last night because I couldn't stop my hands shaking and with a knife in hand it's a bother). Also a bit upsetting to watch the hands shake and not be able to stop them.
Need to go and get blood tests done this afternoon. First of my weekly blood tests to keep an eye on the Imuran, and also the sugars one to tell me if I've got diabetes or not. Joy of joys. Not bothered by the thought of getting the tests done as such, just really tired and want to go home but instead have to drive to get them done after work then drive home. Blergh.
V. Tired.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
That's the spirit!
"Do not go gentle into that good night" - Dylan Thomas
Used to live by that. Recent events have seen me forget it. Then I remembered it again. This isn't me. This disease, the meds, the symptoms, the side effects. They aren't me. They are not even the new me. I like the old me. I didn't give it permission to run away and leave me alone to deal with this. I didn't give this disease permission to take over my body. So it can feck the hell off. Right now. It can go away and let me be me.
I will exercise. I will lose weight. I will be fit.
I will enjoy going shopping.
I will enjoy eating food worry-free.
I will be pain-free.
I will be independent.
I will be happy.
I will be strong.
I will be me.
Meanwhile. Have the shakes, have done pretty much continually for the last 24 hours. Couldn't serve up the vegies last night because they kept falling off the serving spoon I was shaking enough. Still there when I woke up this morning.
Also, rather bad headaches. Can't tell if they're from the meds, from the cold I've got, or if they're the headaches I get for a few days/weeks before I get cluster headaches (yep, I get the joy of them among other things). Muddling through with pain killers, although yesterday thought I'd see how it went (if it would go away after awhile on it's own or not). Bad choice, doped myself up when I got home from work and tried to deal.
Rather a bit more tired than usual, but I'm awake (ish) and alive, so shouldn't complain too much. And besides, my job doesn't require me to be awake as such in order to do it properly, just pretend good enough and get the work done properly and it's all fine.
Have a friend's 21st to go to this weekend, we're booked in at an Indian restaurant. I love spicy things, and I've heard it's nice. Here's to hoping things sit well. Then the weekend after I've got another friend's birthday and we're headed for a Thai restaurant. Again, love the stuff, just hoping it goes well. Birthdays and stomach wise. :)
Also aiming to take the folks to a pub for dinner this weekend. Really nice food for (in my opinion) very good prices, particularly for the size of the meal. Hoping I'm awake enough/don't have a headache. Also hoping the meal sits well there too.
Grapes are definitely a no go. Peanuts, possibly sit alright. Quiche is a God. Seriously.
Have began considering the rental market. Was/am a very proud creature, and previously have not wanted to rent as I see no point in paying off someone else's property when I own none. My pride just wouldn't let me do it. It would sit there going "No! You will save money and get your own place!" and I'd just agree with it. After all, I do want my own place. But with the old hag, the pride hasn't so much disappeared, it's just been battered and bruised into submission. This is a good thing! It means while it's being quiet and sulking in a corner, the rest of me can pounce and take control and get out of my folks' hair. And piece together my sanity again! :D Also figure that with the extra stuff I'd be doing (ie, cooking, cleaning, etc) I wouldn't have time to let things play on my mind and send me into a tail spin. So basically, independence, freedom, and maintaining my sanity/mental health all in one. Yay! Now, to find that rental property.....
Mum bought me a mug yesterday. One of the knitting ones that I like. I got one in the series a while ago, but they're clearing them now, and mum was in the shop and bought one for me. It's now sitting next to the work computer with the very cold remnants of this morning's chai tea in it.
I bought mum and dad a present yesterday too, a bottle of Red TR2. Rather nice wine that they both like. To say thanks for everything, and sorry for the shite (pardon the pun).
And I've noticed recently I tend to be using this as a blog for almost everything as opposed to just the Crohn's. *shrugs* Eh. Guess you can't separate it from everything afterall.
No meows.
Used to live by that. Recent events have seen me forget it. Then I remembered it again. This isn't me. This disease, the meds, the symptoms, the side effects. They aren't me. They are not even the new me. I like the old me. I didn't give it permission to run away and leave me alone to deal with this. I didn't give this disease permission to take over my body. So it can feck the hell off. Right now. It can go away and let me be me.
I will exercise. I will lose weight. I will be fit.
I will enjoy going shopping.
I will enjoy eating food worry-free.
I will be pain-free.
I will be independent.
I will be happy.
I will be strong.
I will be me.
Meanwhile. Have the shakes, have done pretty much continually for the last 24 hours. Couldn't serve up the vegies last night because they kept falling off the serving spoon I was shaking enough. Still there when I woke up this morning.
Also, rather bad headaches. Can't tell if they're from the meds, from the cold I've got, or if they're the headaches I get for a few days/weeks before I get cluster headaches (yep, I get the joy of them among other things). Muddling through with pain killers, although yesterday thought I'd see how it went (if it would go away after awhile on it's own or not). Bad choice, doped myself up when I got home from work and tried to deal.
Rather a bit more tired than usual, but I'm awake (ish) and alive, so shouldn't complain too much. And besides, my job doesn't require me to be awake as such in order to do it properly, just pretend good enough and get the work done properly and it's all fine.
Have a friend's 21st to go to this weekend, we're booked in at an Indian restaurant. I love spicy things, and I've heard it's nice. Here's to hoping things sit well. Then the weekend after I've got another friend's birthday and we're headed for a Thai restaurant. Again, love the stuff, just hoping it goes well. Birthdays and stomach wise. :)
Also aiming to take the folks to a pub for dinner this weekend. Really nice food for (in my opinion) very good prices, particularly for the size of the meal. Hoping I'm awake enough/don't have a headache. Also hoping the meal sits well there too.
Grapes are definitely a no go. Peanuts, possibly sit alright. Quiche is a God. Seriously.
Have began considering the rental market. Was/am a very proud creature, and previously have not wanted to rent as I see no point in paying off someone else's property when I own none. My pride just wouldn't let me do it. It would sit there going "No! You will save money and get your own place!" and I'd just agree with it. After all, I do want my own place. But with the old hag, the pride hasn't so much disappeared, it's just been battered and bruised into submission. This is a good thing! It means while it's being quiet and sulking in a corner, the rest of me can pounce and take control and get out of my folks' hair. And piece together my sanity again! :D Also figure that with the extra stuff I'd be doing (ie, cooking, cleaning, etc) I wouldn't have time to let things play on my mind and send me into a tail spin. So basically, independence, freedom, and maintaining my sanity/mental health all in one. Yay! Now, to find that rental property.....
Mum bought me a mug yesterday. One of the knitting ones that I like. I got one in the series a while ago, but they're clearing them now, and mum was in the shop and bought one for me. It's now sitting next to the work computer with the very cold remnants of this morning's chai tea in it.
I bought mum and dad a present yesterday too, a bottle of Red TR2. Rather nice wine that they both like. To say thanks for everything, and sorry for the shite (pardon the pun).
And I've noticed recently I tend to be using this as a blog for almost everything as opposed to just the Crohn's. *shrugs* Eh. Guess you can't separate it from everything afterall.
No meows.
Monday, May 11, 2009
All things of pain and disgustingness.
So that good headspace thing huh? Hasn't existed lately. Not coping puts it lightly.
In the meantime. I hate clothes, I hate clothes shopping. I hate clothes not fitting, I hate sizes not existing. I hate fat rolls. I hate baggy clothes being too small. Hate it all.
Have a cold. Also have the shakes somewhat beautifully. Between the shakes and joints randomly going spaz on me, it makes it difficult to do much.
Bad food list has grown. Now includes corned silverside and devilled sausages (must be something in the sauce 'cause the same sausages done on the barbeque go fine). Also, grapes are a possibility for not so good stuff. Bought a kilo this morning in an effort to be healthy, and my stomach hasn't been entirely fantastic since. Not entirely awful, but verging on the "you're gonna regret that" feeling that it gets from time to time. Then again, it could have been the pumpkin soup from last night.
Disgusting alert goes here. Judging by my pee, I need to drink more water. I read somewhere years ago that the intensity of the colour of your pee indicates how dehydrated you are. The more yellow it is, the more dehydrated you are. Since starting on the Imuran it's been a hell of a lot more yellow than it previously would have been. So I need to drink more. So I'm peeing more. Which is an issue when you're trying to work and instead are having to run for the loo every so often.
Also, have gas. And it stinks. Bad. I think this is only since the Imuran started. Could be wrong, but I think that's when it started being bad.
End of disgustingness goes here. :)
No kitten.
In the meantime. I hate clothes, I hate clothes shopping. I hate clothes not fitting, I hate sizes not existing. I hate fat rolls. I hate baggy clothes being too small. Hate it all.
Have a cold. Also have the shakes somewhat beautifully. Between the shakes and joints randomly going spaz on me, it makes it difficult to do much.
Bad food list has grown. Now includes corned silverside and devilled sausages (must be something in the sauce 'cause the same sausages done on the barbeque go fine). Also, grapes are a possibility for not so good stuff. Bought a kilo this morning in an effort to be healthy, and my stomach hasn't been entirely fantastic since. Not entirely awful, but verging on the "you're gonna regret that" feeling that it gets from time to time. Then again, it could have been the pumpkin soup from last night.
Disgusting alert goes here. Judging by my pee, I need to drink more water. I read somewhere years ago that the intensity of the colour of your pee indicates how dehydrated you are. The more yellow it is, the more dehydrated you are. Since starting on the Imuran it's been a hell of a lot more yellow than it previously would have been. So I need to drink more. So I'm peeing more. Which is an issue when you're trying to work and instead are having to run for the loo every so often.
Also, have gas. And it stinks. Bad. I think this is only since the Imuran started. Could be wrong, but I think that's when it started being bad.
End of disgustingness goes here. :)
No kitten.
Friday, May 8, 2009
On another note...
...I despise my intestines!
Seriously, OW! Bought some bread at the bakers this morning before work, a cheese and garlic twist. Had some this morning and as lunch time crept closer I was thinking it wasn't sitting quite right, and it's sent lunch straight through, while taking as much time and inflicting as much pain as possible.
Haaaaaate it!
Seriously, OW! Bought some bread at the bakers this morning before work, a cheese and garlic twist. Had some this morning and as lunch time crept closer I was thinking it wasn't sitting quite right, and it's sent lunch straight through, while taking as much time and inflicting as much pain as possible.
Haaaaaate it!
A few points
1/ I hate mirrors. All of them.
2/ Family can be sucky, particularly when they got older.
3/ I just want to be normal!!!
2/ Family can be sucky, particularly when they got older.
3/ I just want to be normal!!!
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Mellowed a bit?
I've noticed in the past few days in particular that the shakes seems to set in about lunch time, often a bit before. And it stays too. Dinner can rock around and I'll still have the shakes. Not hugely worried, just sometimes it's noticeable, particularly in my hands. Just little tremmors.
Rather sleepy too, though doubt it's from anything out of the ordinary. Ie, it's probably the old hag, the Pred, or just the weather. Comfy weather. Sleepy weather. Did sleep well last night though. Only woke up once during the night. Yay!
Started the Imuran this morning. 50mg for a week, then up to 100mg. There was talk of maybe increasing it again after a week or so of that, but have to see what the blood tests show/make sure I'm not getting horrid side effects from it first. I'm wondering though, a lot of what I've read of other people's blogs or in forums seems to suggest that I'm likely to get rather tired for a few weeks with the Imuran. If I get much more tired I'm going to be lucky to drag myself out of bed in the mornings. Not so good, methinks. Knock on wood I'll pass on the side effects on this one.
My joints have been going to town today, mostly my wrists and fingers and they aren't responding to Advil, so I'm ever so slightly tetchy and crotchety. It's not fun when you can't type and can't click a mouse button without something making your mind go "ow".
And the leg that cramped yesterday is still incredibly painful. Very tight and sore. Need some Deep Heat or a massage. Maybe both. Both could be good.
Meanwhile, today is day three of no enemas (WHOO!!!!), however I think my butt will still take a while to forgive me for them.
Vision is still blurred, moreso when I have to stare at a computer screen all day. Mind, is a cushy job, with great people, so I won't complain too much. Hopefully the sugars (I'll get them done next Wednesday) will confirm or ....not confirm? the diabetes thing. Hoping it's not that, cause daily needles aren't my thing, but if it was it'd be an explaination at least.
Going through some clothes tonight and making a pile for charity. Saturday will probably see me become rather grouchy as I replace all those clothes with ones that fit. Hate clothes shopping. But, it needs to be done. I need clothes that fit, and I need to get rid of the ones I haven't worn in years too.
The bottom drawer of my desk is still not meowing either. Just thought that was worth a point. :P
Rather sleepy too, though doubt it's from anything out of the ordinary. Ie, it's probably the old hag, the Pred, or just the weather. Comfy weather. Sleepy weather. Did sleep well last night though. Only woke up once during the night. Yay!
Started the Imuran this morning. 50mg for a week, then up to 100mg. There was talk of maybe increasing it again after a week or so of that, but have to see what the blood tests show/make sure I'm not getting horrid side effects from it first. I'm wondering though, a lot of what I've read of other people's blogs or in forums seems to suggest that I'm likely to get rather tired for a few weeks with the Imuran. If I get much more tired I'm going to be lucky to drag myself out of bed in the mornings. Not so good, methinks. Knock on wood I'll pass on the side effects on this one.
My joints have been going to town today, mostly my wrists and fingers and they aren't responding to Advil, so I'm ever so slightly tetchy and crotchety. It's not fun when you can't type and can't click a mouse button without something making your mind go "ow".
And the leg that cramped yesterday is still incredibly painful. Very tight and sore. Need some Deep Heat or a massage. Maybe both. Both could be good.
Meanwhile, today is day three of no enemas (WHOO!!!!), however I think my butt will still take a while to forgive me for them.
Vision is still blurred, moreso when I have to stare at a computer screen all day. Mind, is a cushy job, with great people, so I won't complain too much. Hopefully the sugars (I'll get them done next Wednesday) will confirm or ....not confirm? the diabetes thing. Hoping it's not that, cause daily needles aren't my thing, but if it was it'd be an explaination at least.
Going through some clothes tonight and making a pile for charity. Saturday will probably see me become rather grouchy as I replace all those clothes with ones that fit. Hate clothes shopping. But, it needs to be done. I need clothes that fit, and I need to get rid of the ones I haven't worn in years too.
The bottom drawer of my desk is still not meowing either. Just thought that was worth a point. :P
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
I swear, doctors are evil. Evil I tell you!
Went home early from work yesterday. Just couldn't cope. In pain, shaking, temperature changes, tired, head in a mess. Not conductive for the work environment.
Mum went with me to see the evil doctor person. Which was good in a way because everything absorbed while I was in there then vacated my head afterwards. Bad in another way because the doc talked to her, not me. Get to see him again in four weeks.
So. The good news is I don't have to have the enemas any more. This came about from me going "Pretty please, a thousand times, with a cherry and sugar on top, can I please not have the enemas anymore?". And yes I did use those words. It was that or demand it and I thought maybe a cherry would be nicer than demanding. Also, my inflamation markers were back down to well within normal range or nearly normal (instead of waaaaaaaaay up high in the sky).
The annoying news is that he batted every single side effect (or at least what has been happening to me since I started the meds) down with either a "Yeah, that happens with Prednisone" or a "That's not related to your meds" then promptly ignoring it. The chest pain? Not related to my meds so doesn't bother him. Still bothers me.
The bad news (at least in my eyes). I get to stay on the Prednisone, same amount, no backing me off. And I get to stay on the Salofalk (not such a biggy, but really, I'm not sure what it's doing for me). And he's starting me on Imuran. Mum's getting the script filled for me today. I get to have weekly blood tests with this one, so I'm guessing I need to harden up and get over that fear of needles just a little bit. If the Presnisone and Imuran don't work, I get to look at a fortnightly injection of something (think it's Humira, could be something else though). My iron is still low (though still not anaemic, so that's good) and he was going to put me on iron tablets too, but didn't want me starting two new meds at the same time.
In other fantastic news, the joint pain is apparently not caused by the meds, infact the meds should make it better. Ignore that fact that most of it started after I started taking the meds. So it sounds like I've got the delightful arthritis that comes with Crohn's. I'm also the heaviest I've ever been, despite 5 weeks ago being the lightest I'd been in two years. And! The blurry vision? Someone forgot to mention to me that if you're predisposed to diabetes then Prednisone can start the ball rolling. Blurry vision can be a sign of diabetes. So guess who gets to have her sugars checked? As if one incurable chronic disease wasn't enough.
Slept a little better than usual last night, although woke up about quarter to six to a massive painful cramp in my left leg. So it's still aching from that, and currently my right one feels like it's going to go. I'm tired, and my vision is having fun with me, and my fingers hurt.
In relation to the weight gain, it's a problem. Double chin is now very noticeable (if it wasn't before). Work clothes are also an issue. See, the shirts I wear are the presentable office type ones, with the buttons down the front. Noticed after I got to work today that the shirt I'm wearing today in particular, decides to open between the buttons. Not a good look. So I now face the prospect of going and trying to find shirts that fit and look decent. Sadly, the style and brand I wear now, I know looks alright when I'm five kilos lighter, but sadly it's the biggest size in that style and brand. So I've got the horrible task (and yes it's horrible, I despise it with a passion) of hunting for a whole new work wardrobe. Yuck. Time wasting, expensive, stressful, pointless exercise. Hate.
Room needs doing. Cleaning, rearranging, etc. Too small. Need space. Unfortunately, the only other room in the house that is a possibility isn't a possibility, it's a glorified walk way. So I get to either clean the room, rent, or save and buy. For now, cleaning the room out sounds better. And cheaper. Bah. It's still a teeny room.
Anyway. Off to try and muddle my way through the day. Blergh.
Mum went with me to see the evil doctor person. Which was good in a way because everything absorbed while I was in there then vacated my head afterwards. Bad in another way because the doc talked to her, not me. Get to see him again in four weeks.
So. The good news is I don't have to have the enemas any more. This came about from me going "Pretty please, a thousand times, with a cherry and sugar on top, can I please not have the enemas anymore?". And yes I did use those words. It was that or demand it and I thought maybe a cherry would be nicer than demanding. Also, my inflamation markers were back down to well within normal range or nearly normal (instead of waaaaaaaaay up high in the sky).
The annoying news is that he batted every single side effect (or at least what has been happening to me since I started the meds) down with either a "Yeah, that happens with Prednisone" or a "That's not related to your meds" then promptly ignoring it. The chest pain? Not related to my meds so doesn't bother him. Still bothers me.
The bad news (at least in my eyes). I get to stay on the Prednisone, same amount, no backing me off. And I get to stay on the Salofalk (not such a biggy, but really, I'm not sure what it's doing for me). And he's starting me on Imuran. Mum's getting the script filled for me today. I get to have weekly blood tests with this one, so I'm guessing I need to harden up and get over that fear of needles just a little bit. If the Presnisone and Imuran don't work, I get to look at a fortnightly injection of something (think it's Humira, could be something else though). My iron is still low (though still not anaemic, so that's good) and he was going to put me on iron tablets too, but didn't want me starting two new meds at the same time.
In other fantastic news, the joint pain is apparently not caused by the meds, infact the meds should make it better. Ignore that fact that most of it started after I started taking the meds. So it sounds like I've got the delightful arthritis that comes with Crohn's. I'm also the heaviest I've ever been, despite 5 weeks ago being the lightest I'd been in two years. And! The blurry vision? Someone forgot to mention to me that if you're predisposed to diabetes then Prednisone can start the ball rolling. Blurry vision can be a sign of diabetes. So guess who gets to have her sugars checked? As if one incurable chronic disease wasn't enough.
Slept a little better than usual last night, although woke up about quarter to six to a massive painful cramp in my left leg. So it's still aching from that, and currently my right one feels like it's going to go. I'm tired, and my vision is having fun with me, and my fingers hurt.
In relation to the weight gain, it's a problem. Double chin is now very noticeable (if it wasn't before). Work clothes are also an issue. See, the shirts I wear are the presentable office type ones, with the buttons down the front. Noticed after I got to work today that the shirt I'm wearing today in particular, decides to open between the buttons. Not a good look. So I now face the prospect of going and trying to find shirts that fit and look decent. Sadly, the style and brand I wear now, I know looks alright when I'm five kilos lighter, but sadly it's the biggest size in that style and brand. So I've got the horrible task (and yes it's horrible, I despise it with a passion) of hunting for a whole new work wardrobe. Yuck. Time wasting, expensive, stressful, pointless exercise. Hate.
Room needs doing. Cleaning, rearranging, etc. Too small. Need space. Unfortunately, the only other room in the house that is a possibility isn't a possibility, it's a glorified walk way. So I get to either clean the room, rent, or save and buy. For now, cleaning the room out sounds better. And cheaper. Bah. It's still a teeny room.
Anyway. Off to try and muddle my way through the day. Blergh.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Superglue for my headspace please.
So I've had a wonderful few days. Sarcasm ends right here. My headspace since maybe bedtime Thursday/early Friday morning has been not so good, to put it very lightly. Random breakdowns, bawling my eyes out, getting angry then getting upset because I got angry, then getting angry because I was upset, and so it went in a vicious cycle all weekend.
Also got a medical bill that despite having top cover private health insurance and despite Medicare covering a fair whack of the bill, I'm still out of pocket quite a considerable amount. And considering that was for the tests where I had to be unconscious and have things shoved up my butt and down my throat, it only adds insult to injury.
Felt vaguely better yesterday, though today started at the bottom of the hill and somehow I've just kept digging. Not feeling in such a happy place at the moment.
Get to see the gastro doctor person this afternoon after work. Mum's coming with me this time. Think that will be good. Need someone there with the state of mind I'm in.
Refused the enema on Sunday. Just to the point where I can't deal with them. Put up with it yesterday, will demand to be taken off them today, along with having the Pred knocked back a bit. I know this will anger people a little, but you can function (albeit not very well) with a bag hanging out of your belly and no bowel. You can't function without a brain, and at the moment, the meds are doing my head in and I'm not coping.
Side effects are really getting me down.
Shouldn't be driving due to vision randomly going blurry, and focusing is a problem causing hurt and needing eyes to be closed for a while. Chest pain that comes and goes randomly but is never minor should deem me unable to drive too. Unfortunately, if I want money to pay for the meds that cause all these side effects, I need to be able to drive in order to get to work in order to get said money.
Just for my benefit, a list of current side effects is as follows.
-Blurry vision.
-Focusing issues - unable to focus, pain when focusing
-Chest pain
-Messages not getting from brain to mouth/hands - gibberish
-Joint pain - wrists, fingers, thumbs, shoulders, elbows, back, HIPS!!!, knees, toes, ankle
-Tummy pain, almost continual
-Cramping in feet
-Continual on verge of cramping in lower legs
-Insomnia - before bed, waking up at 11, 12:30, 2:30, 4, 5:20, or waking up and not getting back to sleep
-Exhaustion
-Lots of cranky
-Lots of sad
-Lots of scared
-Paranoia
-Fat
-Blackheads, pimples, cold sores
-Sweating, hot, cold
-Hungry
-Wounds not healing/staying infected
-Bruising
Enema stuff
-Always discomfort
-Causes diarrhoea for a while afterwards (upsetting/distressing when I've had a good day)
-Sometimes pain that stops to "do not poop" messages
-Tug-of-war issue, so no comfortable position to sleep in
Coherancy is out the window. Apologies. Meanwhile, my boss tells me nicely that dying is not allowed. Must look miserable for a joke to be made. Feel miserable. Can't type, can't see, spiralling. It's not fun when my mind goes like this.
Also got a medical bill that despite having top cover private health insurance and despite Medicare covering a fair whack of the bill, I'm still out of pocket quite a considerable amount. And considering that was for the tests where I had to be unconscious and have things shoved up my butt and down my throat, it only adds insult to injury.
Felt vaguely better yesterday, though today started at the bottom of the hill and somehow I've just kept digging. Not feeling in such a happy place at the moment.
Get to see the gastro doctor person this afternoon after work. Mum's coming with me this time. Think that will be good. Need someone there with the state of mind I'm in.
Refused the enema on Sunday. Just to the point where I can't deal with them. Put up with it yesterday, will demand to be taken off them today, along with having the Pred knocked back a bit. I know this will anger people a little, but you can function (albeit not very well) with a bag hanging out of your belly and no bowel. You can't function without a brain, and at the moment, the meds are doing my head in and I'm not coping.
Side effects are really getting me down.
Shouldn't be driving due to vision randomly going blurry, and focusing is a problem causing hurt and needing eyes to be closed for a while. Chest pain that comes and goes randomly but is never minor should deem me unable to drive too. Unfortunately, if I want money to pay for the meds that cause all these side effects, I need to be able to drive in order to get to work in order to get said money.
Just for my benefit, a list of current side effects is as follows.
-Blurry vision.
-Focusing issues - unable to focus, pain when focusing
-Chest pain
-Messages not getting from brain to mouth/hands - gibberish
-Joint pain - wrists, fingers, thumbs, shoulders, elbows, back, HIPS!!!, knees, toes, ankle
-Tummy pain, almost continual
-Cramping in feet
-Continual on verge of cramping in lower legs
-Insomnia - before bed, waking up at 11, 12:30, 2:30, 4, 5:20, or waking up and not getting back to sleep
-Exhaustion
-Lots of cranky
-Lots of sad
-Lots of scared
-Paranoia
-Fat
-Blackheads, pimples, cold sores
-Sweating, hot, cold
-Hungry
-Wounds not healing/staying infected
-Bruising
Enema stuff
-Always discomfort
-Causes diarrhoea for a while afterwards (upsetting/distressing when I've had a good day)
-Sometimes pain that stops to "do not poop" messages
-Tug-of-war issue, so no comfortable position to sleep in
Coherancy is out the window. Apologies. Meanwhile, my boss tells me nicely that dying is not allowed. Must look miserable for a joke to be made. Feel miserable. Can't type, can't see, spiralling. It's not fun when my mind goes like this.
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